Did You Fail to Pursue a Specific Dream......... - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Did You Fail to Pursue a Specific Dream.........


......primarily because you couldn't find a way through your psychological issues? (i.e. SA, APD, Depression etc).

I had a few. Maybe a good many. The ones that come to mind are getting a degree in Tropical Biology, becoming a recording engineer and finishing college with any degree. A bunch of others but won't bore you.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

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post #2 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 01:43 PM
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Lots but I wasn't super committed to most of them. Some are doable, aren't things where anxiety would get in the way, and still have no motivation so.
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post #3 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 02:08 PM
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Not really "dreams" as such but more ideas and life paths I could have gone down.

I coulda gone to university, but too much anxiety.
I coulda done a year living abroad, but you guessed it anxiety.
I coulda had a social life at school and done normal convential things, but social anxiety.
I coulda left home, but seperation anxiety.


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post #4 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 02:54 PM
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Yes. Academic / career ones.
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post #5 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 03:12 PM
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I used to think a recording engineer would have been great too - I was much more into music when I was younger. I was even offered a job with a record company in my teens but I didn't take it because they said I'd have to work on Saturdays. (I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist and that was a no-no)

It wasn't really what I'd call a dream though. I never really had any specific thing I wanted to do as far as a career or job was concerned - not enough to make me really push for it. I just sort of muddled through, dealt with whatever was happening at the time. My anxiety definitely held me back in that regard though. I think I've been very lucky in other areas of my life, that's mostly been okay.
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post #6 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 03:32 PM
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yeah also lots. every career idea I had I studied and went nowhere - microbiology, psychology, IT, electrician. mostly due to anxiety and meltdown events etc.

also I wanted to make a game for quite a while and made some toys but found a lot of things too complicated.

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post #7 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 03:35 PM
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Dildo engineer.






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
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It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #8 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 04:02 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Lots but I wasn't super committed to most of them. Some are doable, aren't things where anxiety would get in the way, and still have no motivation so.
It's interesting to me because you have such a strong voice. I lack a lot of motivation but it kind of makes sense because I'm very unknowledgeable and not well informed and generally scattered. But I suppose there's any number of reasons. Does it bother you a lot?

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #9 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 04:04 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Cool Ice Dude55 View Post
Not really "dreams" as such but more ideas and life paths I could have gone down.

I coulda gone to university, but too much anxiety.
I coulda done a year living abroad, but you guessed it anxiety.
I coulda had a social life at school and done normal convential things, but social anxiety.
I coulda left home, but seperation anxiety.
I was/am similar. I did take several stabs at similar things but with the exception of living on my own didn't succeed. Yeah, life path is a better way of putting it.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #10 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Dildo engineer.
An old friend of mine wanted to patent the Trildo. I believe he still aspires to it.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #11 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 04:15 PM
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I never had a specific dream.

/WYSD
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post #12 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
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It's interesting to me because you have such a strong voice. I lack a lot of motivation but it kind of makes sense because I'm very unknowledgeable and not well informed and generally scattered. But I suppose there's any number of reasons. Does it bother you a lot?
Well I'm a very disorganised person and have always struggled with self organisation and sustaining motivation. Often times I get stuck with something and drop it, or stop doing something and can't start again. I'm actually very slow mentally with learning things as well.

I reinstalled Reaper recently and couldn't get something working that was like a few weeks ago, after fiddling with some stuff and failing to get it to work I haven't gone back to that, probably been a few weeks. I like to intuitively figure stuff out because I find reading/watching tutorials etc boring. Since I can't do that very often I often don't do things.

It's very frustrating to me though yeah. I have posts online going back to when I was 14 complaining about my lack of motivation and then later on creative frustration. Even as a child I had a habit of coming up with ideas and dropping whatever it was not long after.
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post #13 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 07:09 PM
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I didn't pursue playing music instruments or playing in a band because of SA. Mostly the fear of playing in front of people holding me back. But probably not going to college was the biggest failure. Not sure how things would have turned out differently, could have been in debt with a poor degree.

"It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."
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post #14 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 08:38 PM
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I've failed to pursue many dreams.

I seriously considered acting, but I didn't want to play male roles. I wanted to be a rock star, and had a chance to sing in a band, but I hate the sound of my voice. (I probably can't sing, anyway.) I would do YT videos, except I hate my appearance, too. One of my dream jobs is lecturing, but I'm obviously never going to do that. For me, the problem is just that I don't want to be seen or heard by anyone so long as I'm in this body. (Why a person with my issues would want to lecture is a complete mystery.)

I dropped out of high school partly because all the bullying had seriously messed me up. I went back and got my diploma, but then couldn't get a student loan so the only way I could have gone to university is if I'd worked full-time while I was in school. But I couldn't handle both a job and school because I have a lot of difficulty with school as it is and would have just failed all my courses. So my limitations definitely prevented me from getting a university degree, or a degree as a therapist, but how much of that was psychological and how much of that was disability I'll never know.

I also wanted to get into game design, but I couldn't do the math required for programming, and I'm not a talented enough artist to do graphics. I also wanted to write/draw graphic novels, but the art killed me there, too.

So I would say that it's about half psych issues and half functional disability or lacking the necessary gifts. I'm pretty much useless for anything, tbh.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #15 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-13-2019, 11:23 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Well I'm a very disorganised person and have always struggled with self organisation and sustaining motivation. Often times I get stuck with something and drop it, or stop doing something and can't start again. I'm actually very slow mentally with learning things as well.

I reinstalled Reaper recently and couldn't get something working that was like a few weeks ago, after fiddling with some stuff and failing to get it to work I haven't gone back to that, probably been a few weeks. I like to intuitively figure stuff out because I find reading/watching tutorials etc boring. Since I can't do that very often I often don't do things.

It's very frustrating to me though yeah. I have posts online going back to when I was 14 complaining about my lack of motivation and then later on creative frustration. Even as a child I had a habit of coming up with ideas and dropping whatever it was not long after.
I remember your music and you giving me some info about Reaper or maybe just telling me that was the program you were using and I would still like to check it out. I'm the same way with reading instruction manuals and watching tutorials. I end up not being able to keep my hands off. Unfortunately, I rarely figure things out so I forget about it for a time and then come back again with similar results. Thanks for the reminder about the name. I probably would have forgotten it. I still have the desire to work with it.

It seems to be advantageous to be collaborative when learning, which is something I haven't been able to do, for whatever reason.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #16 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 03:22 AM
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I had many. I got a degree but never ended up using it and the debt is going up every year (don't be deceived, don't do uni it's a trap). I now look at that failure and have reframed it in a positive sense. I did quit like 3 or 4 times though. My heart wasn't there even though I graduated. I wanted to become a writer etc. But never ended up pursuing it even though I tried. I don't see the point anymore In being too ambitious. Look at the humble origin humans come from and then look at their humble return (rotting flesh and dirt). I think there is a message in that. All that mattters in life is your heart. It's my heart not anyone elses. I also used to work in a big company but i got pushed into the total opposite and I'm actually happy like that because I think I realised that is what my nature has been all along. Simplicity. I don't like too much on my mind and I realised I love nature and want to live In it as raw as I can. I used to think my heart would be satisfied in certain circumstances or expectations but now I realise that it hates complexity. A lot of people on their death beds wish that they had just been true to themselves. Now I'm in the process of learning how to NOT depend on paper/plastic/digital money by becoming self sufficient. If I need to trade I'll just work a bit, get what I need and go back to my refuge. I also realised that i don't need to compare my life to others successes, all that's important is that I survive and I hope that's a simple attitude towards life.
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post #17 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 03:29 AM
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Also my new job gives me hours to think and i think I would of never learnt what I now know if i didn't have this job. A job class that people easily judge. I actually ended up achieving what i desired on my old path by being in my new path. It's a paradox but it happened.
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post #18 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 04:32 AM
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And I always thought this would be
the land of milk and honey
Oh but I came to find out that it's
all hate and money
And there's a canopy of greed holding me down.
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post #19 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 04:42 AM
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Yes; because of **** dreams about my previous partners & my current

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #20 of 97 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 01:53 PM
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Mm sort of.

I used to want a big family and things like that. Kinda like 1950s perfect family. I'm 30 and don't have any kids at all so far. Don't know if I will. But it definitely won't be a big family.

I want to be an author. That hasn't happened so far.

I wanted to do good in school, become a therapist ( lol!) that didn't happen.

I don't know if I can say I didn't complete my dreams though. It's moreso that I learned things along the way and my dreams have changed. A big family doesn't seem ideal to me anymore. But a small average one does. Also, although I wish I did accomplish more in college and did better, I'm not exactly devastated I'm not a therapist. I'm more devastated that I don't have a great career or found my dream career.

Most of all I want to finish my book though. Being a writer does seem like a dream career for me. But motivation is my arch nemesis. I have accomplished things though, even if they aren't dream worthy I guess. Like I did buy a house I love. I'm married. I have a dog and a job that pays okay. I try to remain simple, because I'm happier that way.

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