depression, social anxiety, and derealization at the same time? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 10:39 AM Thread Starter
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depression, social anxiety, and derealization at the same time?


is it possible to have all three at the same time?
I have depression because i have brain numbness and i often feel sad and want to cry. I have no mood for anything. No motivation either. I do feel the optimism sometimes, but its so vague. my depression is blocking my social anxiety urges.
I have derealization because i always feel that i'm "there" but i'm not there.. i space out a lot and have a hard time feeling strong emotions. (i'm never completely happy, completely sad, completely angry. when i cry, i dont really feel that sad, only a little, but sometimes i wonder why i cry). I guess i can say i have voices in my head. but not really. because my head is numb but i always find myself repeating words in my throat (not saying them. but i feel like i am.) and i can't concentrate because i'm always spacing out. yet not completely because part of me is still feeling fear and tension and stuff inside. i'm often dizzy too. and sometimes my eyesight is not that good. I always feel too lazy to feel things.
I have social anxiety too. Had it since i was little. Can't talk to people, can't eat in public. I'm always nervous (but the feeling is vague because of the other layers) and i' always feel afraid and reluctant to do anything. But the derealization and depression has actually numbed them out.

I feel this energy inside of me. dying to come out. i'm dying to be relaxed. but this tension and this feeling of a burden is preventing me from feeling. and the thing is, i have derealization CONSTANTLY. even as i am writing, i feel like i'm not really writing this. I feel like i'm on autopilot. sort of. its my depression and my social anxiety, and the layers below it writing. but outside, ostensibly, i dont feel like im' writing this.



I feel like i have 4 layers in me.

The first layer is the true me. The real me who is my personality that is covered and dying to come out.
The second layer is my social anxiety, which is covering my personality.
The third layer is my depression.
The fourth layer is derealization. Mostly i feel this. IT's my outer shell. I never know whats going on around me because i feel it doesnt matter or something. or that is not real. i'm in a dream. yet at the same time, i'm not. I find myself starinrg at people for no reason.But then when i realize i'm staring at people, i get this feeling of reluctance of staring, but then i keep staring because i feel its not real. and when i stare, i'm not thinking anything. no thoughts. just spacing out but staring at hte same time. This "not really feeling there".. but i still have this tension inside and energy which is from my depression. and then even more energy from my social anxiety. but then the real me , i dont really feel. because its so deep inside that i dont even feel it anymore. i feel its fading.

possible?
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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Yep. I feel pretty much exactly what you wrote. I don't know what to do either. It's so overwhelming that I've decided it will always be this way and I'm not going to try to get better anymore. I hope you don't come to the same conclusion.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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edited it a little.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 12:36 PM
 
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Lol, okay, well, I still know exactly what you're saying.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 12:40 PM Thread Starter
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Lol, okay, well, I still know exactly what you're saying.
lol i hate this problem. people think i'm retarted becase i just stare at them and i dont talk but they dont know that inside i'm fighitng a battle in with my head and soul
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 12:45 PM
 
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Yes, I have all of those. Not all day everyday. But periodically, when there's triggers.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
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Yes, I have all of those. Not all day everyday. But periodically, when there's triggers.
yeah. i used to be like that too. but then i'd snap out of it like 5 min later. but now i have it every second of my life. when i'm writing on here, when i'm watching tv, when i'm about to sleep. it's killing me softly.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 01:02 PM
 
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Are you in therapy?
Cliched question I know, but it can really really help for things like this.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by nightwalker View Post
is it possible to have all three at the same time?
I have depression because i have brain numbness and i often feel sad and want to cry. I have no mood for anything. No motivation either. I do feel the optimism sometimes, but its so vague. my depression is blocking my social anxiety urges.
I have derealization because i always feel that i'm "there" but i'm not there.. i space out a lot and have a hard time feeling strong emotions. (i'm never completely happy, completely sad, completely angry. when i cry, i dont really feel that sad, only a little, but sometimes i wonder why i cry). I guess i can say i have voices in my head. but not really. because my head is numb but i always find myself repeating words in my throat (not saying them. but i feel like i am.) and i can't concentrate because i'm always spacing out. yet not completely because part of me is still feeling fear and tension and stuff inside. i'm often dizzy too. and sometimes my eyesight is not that good. I always feel too lazy to feel things.
I have social anxiety too. Had it since i was little. Can't talk to people, can't eat in public. I'm always nervous (but the feeling is vague because of the other layers) and i' always feel afraid and reluctant to do anything. But the derealization and depression has actually numbed them out.

I feel this energy inside of me. dying to come out. i'm dying to be relaxed. but this tension and this feeling of a burden is preventing me from feeling. and the thing is, i have derealization CONSTANTLY. even as i am writing, i feel like i'm not really writing this. I feel like i'm on autopilot. sort of. its my depression and my social anxiety, and the layers below it writing. but outside, ostensibly, i dont feel like im' writing this.



I feel like i have 4 layers in me.

The first layer is the true me. The real me who is my personality that is covered and dying to come out.
The second layer is my social anxiety, which is covering my personality.
The third layer is my depression.
The fourth layer is derealization. Mostly i feel this. IT's my outer shell. I never know whats going on around me because i feel it doesnt matter or something. or that is not real. i'm in a dream. yet at the same time, i'm not. I find myself starinrg at people for no reason.But then when i realize i'm staring at people, i get this feeling of reluctance of staring, but then i keep staring because i feel its not real. and when i stare, i'm not thinking anything. no thoughts. just spacing out but staring at hte same time. This "not really feeling there".. but i still have this tension inside and energy which is from my depression. and then even more energy from my social anxiety. but then the real me , i dont really feel. because its so deep inside that i dont even feel it anymore. i feel its fading.

possible?

You sound overwhelmed by your environment. I know I have had times at home where I just broke down and disconnected from everything for a little while. Sometimes finding an outlet for your emotions helps shed some of those layers, if only for a little while. Maybe you need a change of pace, or to engage in a new activity that will help you feel connected to society.

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-20-2008, 01:30 PM Thread Starter
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You sound overwhelmed by your environment. I know I have had times at home where I just broke down and disconnected from everything for a little while. Sometimes finding an outlet for your emotions helps shed some of those layers, if only for a little while. Maybe you need a change of pace, or to engage in a new activity that will help you feel connected to society.
I guess you can say that. Maybe too much is going on around me? i dont know. I moved from a suburban-rural environment (But a huge populated public school) to a big city where i'm constantly around people and its crowded and stuff. but my school has less people (but its an international school so the people are way smarter and..rich.). and i'm in a foreign country so i dont speak the language.

but still. i dont know what i can do that can help me get connected to society?? i mean. playing online role playing games used to be my hobby and my favorite thing to do where i can let go of all of my emotions and stuff.. but i cant even get addicted to that anymore. and i never had this depression and dissociation problem before anyway. i used to just have social anxiety. and as soon as i'd get home, i'd be relaxed and happy. only when i moved here did i have this problem.

i play the piano, but i feel the same when i'm playing as well. sports? dont play any and dont plan to anyway. i dont want to take classes where i cant even speak the language. it makes me even more dissociated and stuff. maybe it really is the overwhemization. lol if thats even a word.

i hope therapy helps. what else can? please. advice?
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-21-2008, 10:58 AM
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Nightwalker


I don't know what country you are living in, otherwise I would have looked online for you to see if I could find resources in your community. I would recommend searching for meet up groups, community groups on the internet for people who speak English as a first language, or for Americans living in _____(insert country name here)____. You may get lucky.

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. ~ Henry David Thoreau
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-24-2008, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by InfiniteAnon View Post
I don't know what country you are living in, otherwise I would have looked online for you to see if I could find resources in your community. I would recommend searching for meet up groups, community groups on the internet for people who speak English as a first language, or for Americans living in _____(insert country name here)____. You may get lucky.
umm well I'm only 15 and my school only has Americans. But I don't really fit in I think. Or at least I'm too afraid to :/
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-05-2012, 07:03 PM
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This is me. Social anxiety, Depression. and now Derealization. All covering up this energetic, ethusiatic, compassionate girl I thought I knew. I don't know if she even exists anymore. I'm scared.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-06-2012, 09:13 PM Thread Starter
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This is me. Social anxiety, Depression. and now Derealization. All covering up this energetic, ethusiatic, compassionate girl I thought I knew. I don't know if she even exists anymore. I'm scared.
Wow I'm surprised you found my old thread from 4 years ago lol In any case,

I know. It sucks. When/how did you start realizing it was happening to you?
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-06-2012, 09:18 PM
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yes i've had this before. i also used to get so much anxiety back in high school before i even knew what SA was that i'd be walking through the crowded courtyard outside after lunch and everything would go black and white and it's feel like i'm floating. very weird.

i get bouts of derealization when i'm super anxious, and i also have depersonalization - i often look in the mirror and don't recognize myself or i see myself in a video or pictures and i feel like it's not me
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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-06-2012, 09:28 PM
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Yeah. It's possible, unfortunately. Derealization is really scary! I have three anxiety disorders and bipolar.
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