Death and how to cope - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
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Death and how to cope


One of my anxieties has always been death. I don't like getting older because everyone else gets older too.

The past year has been rough. My sister had a lump that turned out to be nothing. My mom ended up having a minor heart attack and found out she needs two surgeries for anyuerisms. My dad went to the ER because he thought he was having a heart attack but wasn't and now he's getting tests done. My neighbor died of altztimers (SP?). My mom's best friend of 40 years, who was like family just found out she has stage 4 lung cancer and has a few months to live...

It's all so scary. I have no friends. These are the only people I have. Not including my husband. I'm really sad about my mom's best friend. I grew up around her and I think about when I was a kid and the times I miss. I feel bad for my mom to lose her best friend while going through her own medical problems.

I look around and other people just seem so careless, happy and carefree all the time. Even older people. I'm 30 and feel like how can I go on? Everyone is getting older and nothing will be the same ever again. I can't seem to stop worrying about it or feel happy. This has been getting worse over 5 years.

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 10:19 PM
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Don't think about it. Death comes to everyone...enjoy the people in your life while theyre here, make sure they know theyre loved.

We are in a reverie/ And everything you thought you knew isn't what it seems/ Only truth will set you free/ And I would never lie to you
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 02:46 AM
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I know this isn't helpful, but i had my first existential crisis and feared death a bit at like age 12. Today I simply don't care and lost most faith in humanity , but will miss the small things in life of course.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 02:58 AM
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I know how you feel. My dad died in January. He supported me so much over the years. I have no friends. I still have family, but my relationship with them is strained at best. I don't want to think about what will happen to me in the future.

An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 03:38 AM
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Not much we can do about it I'm afraid. I'm scared of it too if I'm honest - and of getting sick as I get older. I worry a lot about my wife too - but at least we have each other.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 05:14 AM
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I don't believe in life after death or anything else and have to admit the thought of dying does scare me a bit. I mean the only good thing is the hell I'm in now will be over, but the thought of it kind of weird me out.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 05:43 AM
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Realise it's as much a part of life as anything else, nothing lasts forever, death doesn't scare me, life does, there's no pain or fear or nonsense in death, I'm not looking forward to the actual dying part but it will be interesting to see if we exist beyond the mortal, I kinda think we do, what with a few supernatural events experienced by family.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 06:05 AM
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My mother had to deal with four deaths in the span of a year - two who were close friends (one she knew for decades, which is rare to have) and two who were family/relatives; the first being her brother whom she idolized, then his son around a couple of months afterwards. I was at the funerals for the relatives, at least, and even then she was able to keep her composure. Don't know how she does it.

I try to avoid the topic in regards to others even though it will inevitably happen. I fear more of that than I would worry about my own death even though as to 'how' it would happen can vary based on family history.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 06:09 AM
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I think it's one of those things that you really just never know how you will deal with it until the exact moment that you have to. It seems totally different than you probably ever expected it to if/when death comes knocking (whether it's your own mortality or that of someone close to you).

I guess you cope however you can. It's not easy. The thing about it is that life is everything a person has. People do not maybe think about the actual weight of that until they have to.

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"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established." - Carlin
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 06:29 AM Thread Starter
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I unfortunately have been thinking about it since I was 11. I had an existential crisis when I was 11. I had to stay home from school. I was depressed for 2 weeks. I knew better than want to get older. Every other kid was trying to rush growing up. I knew better.

I think my coping mechanism for death is worrying about it before it happens. So that when it does I already think I knew it was going to happen. It's a horrible way to live day in and day out to be honest. It doesn't help I work in the ER. In a few months I'm going to try to transfer so that I don't have to see death and all the sick people anymore. It's not good for me, obviously. Hope that another department hires me.

I want to go to a therapist to see if they can help me find a way to stop thinking about it. We just bought a house. I'm hoping when we finally move in I'll be able to distract myself enough that I won't think as much.

It's just crazy knowing people won't be here forever. One day they just poof and can no longer speak to you or see you. I like to believe there is an afterlife (I've had some experiences). But I can't stay I'm certain there is. Why would God even make cancer possible?

It's even harder when you have severe social anxiety. I don't have proper relationships with anyone. I'm not good at calling people or staying in contact or just visiting people to catch up. It makes me look like a careless ***** and I hate it. But at the same time, anytime I've put myself out there it seems to backfire. And I can't snap my fingers and make it go away.

The only solution seems to be excepting the way things are and not ask questions. But having memories still makes the whole thing sad.

Death is one of those things that nobody has an answer for. No doctor or therapist has an answer. We all just know it happens. But I need to find some sort of way to not think about it all day long. This past year has just been nothing but finding out about horrible medical problems. I'm so over it. There's literally nothing worse than dealing with this. And I know some people have it even worse than I do and truthfully I don't know how they go on.

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 06:42 AM
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Death is inevitable and I think it's a common thing to be afraid of. No one enjoys having those worries...I can't really pretend to know anything of loss except through my relationships with other people. Everyone has a story and every story has to come to an end at some point, but that doesn't mean that yours has to too. As far as worrying about the health of others (specifically loved ones) my dad lost his dad unexpected of a heart attack when he was around 11. So growing up it was always "you better appreciate me now b/c I won't be here forever" type of remarks I'd hear or "you'll know when you're older and I'm gone" So I grew up with the mindset that I have to enjoy my parents & the time I have with them. I'm not afraid of it, it's a natural part of life....but I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't think about what he'd say or get upset.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 07:11 AM
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I've had plenty of experience with death, my grandmother on my father's side died 1995 she was in her 80's & had altzeimers & that's a slow death, my other grandmother was killed in a road accident around the same time though she was much younger in her 50's, an uncle (father's brother) had leukemia around the same time died in 1998 after a few years treatment, now that's suffering, the treatment is worse than the disease, my father died of an aneurysm in his lungs brought on by a weakened immune system & lung disease in 2002, my sister had a few miscarriages of babies around 15-20 weeks (a couple born alive) so fully developed but tiny, a neighbour I was close to & kinda a second father to me, died of heart failure in 2011, I grew up around farms so death is a part of that scene, a few people around committed suicide, it goes on & on, Its always been around, I actually entertained thoughts of being a mortician or undertaker at one point tbh 🙂






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for all the responses. It's hard. Everyone goes through it but it's hard, because in daily life it just seems like people go about their day without a care.

I know I'm lucky to still have my parents at 30 years old. Some people never knew their parents. I don't worry about my own death as much as other people getting sick, death and how they will handle deaths of people they care about. Like how my mom will handle her friends death. Or how my sister will one day handle our parents. That gives me anxiety.

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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-09-2019, 12:00 AM

 
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Death is lame
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-09-2019, 01:01 AM
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I look forward to death ... makes me smile really

But having to deal with death of others is something totally different

(Covers up and cries)


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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-09-2019, 01:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amon View Post
Death is lame
It would be kind of strange if death had a bad leg.

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"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established." - Carlin
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-09-2019, 08:40 PM
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Death is cool, I would love to die. Life is way too much overrated. I'm not afraid of death, I want to die right now.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
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