Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and OCD, My.. story?
Hi, I just want to talk about my experience with Anxiety depression and OCD and how I have dealt with it over the years.
I'm going to dive into detail because I know there are probably people out there who need to read something like this.
During my late high school years my anxiety and depression were pretty pronounced. To the point where in class if you even looked at me I would blush. I had no self confidence due to some insecurities I had over my boobs and lip hair (I started threading and I'm not totally over my boobies yet). I was pretty depressed and I'll leave it at that.
But I was self aware, and I wanted to get better. I knew I had to face my depression and anxiety head on.
There wasnt much I could do about my depression, its not like I was feeling that way for any reason. It was just always there, and still is. But I didn't give in to it. It's manageable. Its not who I am and life has so much to offer and although sometimes I feel like there this this heavy cloud of nothing floating around me and I feel empty, I pull through. I remind myself of everything that makes me happy and I move on, no matter how I'm feeling. But I believe in taking "me days" to just let yourself be sad. And to feel however you do, and the next day push forward once again.
I knew I had to start working on my social skills and putting myself into more social situations to get over my social phobia. I was scared of sounding and looking stupid and ugly and that people wouldn't be able to understand me. I started asking why. It wasnt fun to face any of this but for me, I knew I had to push myself and go into things head on. I kinda became my own personal therapist and self motivator because I didn't like talking about this stuff with my only two friends. I thought it was embarrassing enough for them to see me struggle socially, I didn't need to make it worse by telling them how I felt. And therapists terrified me.
Before I had anxiety attacks all the time. Sometimes I would just walk away mid conversation because I knew I was going to blush and I just couldn't take being in that awkward of a situation. The best way I can describe it is it was like I was becoming my anxiety and I just wanted to run away from the feeling. But obviously I didn't really help those situations by doing that lol! Anyway, I ended this. I lunged myself into social situations and wouldn't back down when I felt an anxiety attack coming on. I would just pull through, accept the feelings and move on. It was embarrassing and I felt like a social failure a lot but I also felt empowered.
After high school I continued to push myself forward.
I got a job as a cashier. I had it for a while and it really helped me out.
I realized that I could do it, I could speak to people. People weren't judging me. Nobody cares, everybody is doing their own thing. We're all just people. I had high expectations for myself to be what people wanted me to be, to be accepted and I was so afraid of not being that that I had created so much anxiety inside. But in realizing that nobody really actually cares, I moved on.
I made more friends, I started hanging out with other people. And although I still had a bit of anxiety it was down to the lowest it had been in yeeeaarss!
Then I lost my job. And a few friends because I just felt like I didn't click with them so well. And all I had were my two friends again.
Since then my anxiety has gotten a little worse. My OCD has gotten worse and my depression is still manageable.
But I have a job once again and I feel my life is balanced and I can hopefully figure all this out. Sorry I didn't go much into detail about my OCD but it is late I'm gunna have to end this here but I can probably go into it a bit further tomorrow. If not in a few days or so, either way I will get to it at some point.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and hopefully this helps somebody. I'll answer any questions you may ask on the thread.
"ill clear the earth for you, if you need the stars to breath
and ill make a flame for you, to keep your spirit clean"