Coping with anxiety in the workplace, or should I just quit?
I didn't really know where to post this or what I'm expecting to gain by doing so, but I'm just so confused and frustrated.
For the past 3 weeks I've been working full-time at a retail outlet on a work experience program type thing. I spend most days working the tills and sorting out stock. This means that I have to spend a lot of time communicating with customers. To begin with I was quite excited to start working. I thought it would be a good opportunity to work on my social skills and maybe overcome my anxiety issues. Over the course of this time, my boss has commented multiple times on my poor communication skills and is getting frustrated with my inability to function like a "normal human being". I often suffer the infamous mind blanks when being instructed to do something, and usually have to ask people to repeat themselves. I struggle to be polite to customers and often mumble and mutter under my breath. I've most certainly become more comfortable with social situations since starting but I'm finding it harder and harder to muster the enthusiasm to go into work each day. Since starting, I've become very depressed and am considering leaving. Everyone I work with thinks I'm an idiot. I constantly make mistakes due to my anxiety issues. My mind is so pre-occupied with feeling anxious that it's difficult to focus on anything else.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice, I dunno. I've spent some time doing CBT, but being in such a stressful environment all day makes it's difficult to remember what I've learned. I always fall back on my well-established avoidance behaviours. I'm tired of feeling so inferior and insignificant whilst working. I'm not comfortable with the responsibly I'm given. My life has been pretty horrendous since I started working there. Even after I get home, I'm usually so exhausted from all the worrying that I can't do anything productive. I can't even communicate with my family because I'm just so depressed and exhausted. I've started smoking again and I've even considered loading up on valium before work, which is something I really do not want to do.
The idea of going in and telling them that I'm quitting terrifies me.
I dunno. I don't usually rant about my problems, but if there is a place to do it, this has to be it.
If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. - William Blake