Convince me nobody cares if I'm a little different - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 06:19 PM Thread Starter
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Convince me nobody cares if I'm a little different


I have the problem of being so insecure if I don't fit in perfectly. I have this perfect standard I want to be, and if I'm not then I try to hide everything about me. Like I'm worried about anyone finding out I live with my parents. That's fairly normal for a 21 year old college student right? Also things like never having a girlfriend, not having any real friends, having an empty facebook page, never having a job. I don't socialize for fear of people thinking I'm a loser.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 06:24 PM
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I don't socialize for fear of people thinking I'm a loser.
^This. Sometimes I feel like if I am just honest with people and tell them the truth, THEN make an effort to get to know them and socialize with them, it would not be so bad... At least im making an effort you know? But yea..that is one of the main reasons. I don't want them to find out that I have no life because that might put them off. I think people will care at first..but maybe once they see you trying to become more social and put yourself out there, they will see you as normal. This may not apply to everyone though...

Yea... so I hope that helped!
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 07:22 PM
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Well tbh some people do care. But what you have to ask yourself is, do the opinions of those types of people really matter to you that much?

There are shallow people out there who will judge others for stupid, superficial things. But unless you put yourself out there (and I mean the real you, not some version of you that you think others will find acceptable) then you'll never meet the people who will like and accept you the way you are.

Also, you don't sound like a loser. The things you listed don't seem that unusual to me. There are many people that are living in similar circumstances to yours.

The future is here, and it's about a hundred feet above the Arby's.


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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 07:28 PM
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Well tbh some people do care. But what you have to ask yourself is, do the opinions of those types of people really matter to you that much?
I completely agree. There will always be people who will judge you if you don't fit in with society's norm. Forget them! Personally I find a person who is unique (even in a bit of an odd way) way more interesting than someone who is "normal", whatever that is. Most people won't judge you and if they do they aren't worth a second of your time.

I'm on the persuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good. Tell me what you know about dreamin' dreamin'. You don't really know about nothin' nothin'.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 07:34 PM
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Well tbh some people do care. But what you have to ask yourself is, do the opinions of those types of people really matter to you that much?

There are shallow people out there who will judge others for stupid, superficial things. But unless you put yourself out there (and I mean the real you, not some version of you that you think others will find acceptable) then you'll never meet the people who will like and accept you the way you are.

Also, you don't sound like a loser. The things you listed don't seem that unusual to me. There are many people that are living in similar circumstances to yours.
I agree.

@ shadowguy - you're not a loser. You're a guy trying to make his mark in this world. Baby steps, baby steps.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 08:49 PM
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You would be surprised how many people like "different". God knows i've never had a normal friend in my life. Besides, you have plenty of friends on here, if you look at it that way. im 20 and never had a real girlfriend... it bothers me sometimes to, but trust me... we arint the only ones.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 08:56 PM
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Some people will judge you, period, different or not. Be confident about who you are. You can flout every single one societal norm, but so long as you have self esteem, nobody can hurt you with their judgements.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2011, 10:37 PM
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I have the problem of being so insecure if I don't fit in perfectly. I have this perfect standard I want to be, and if I'm not then I try to hide everything about me. Like I'm worried about anyone finding out I live with my parents. That's fairly normal for a 21 year old college student right? Also things like never having a girlfriend, not having any real friends, having an empty facebook page, never having a job. I don't socialize for fear of people thinking I'm a loser.
It sounds like there are things in your life that you don't like. Do you feel that not having having any real friends, having an empty facebook page and never having a job are things you want to change? Do you think that you are a loser? I think that what you think about yourself is more important than what others who don't know you think of you. On the other hand, if you feel that people will judge you based on your past (a past that did not involve a lot of friends and a girlfriend) despite the fact that you are making efforts to change, that is a very real fear. Some people judge and "give up" on people too fast and don't give them room to change. I have had friends "dump me" and it hurts. But, I have noticed that, once people get to know the real you, they will be less likely to dump you for superficial reasons.
I think a lot of SA people are scared to let people in because our social life is a "weak area" in our life. Admitting it to others shows people we have flaws and it hurts to have those exposed to other people. It's easy to say 'don't care what other people think' or "if they really liked you they would not judge you" but I don't think that is realistic. Some people are better at displaying a self image that others are attracted to and like. Others are not even aware of their self image or are poor a coming across well. It's the same reason why a lot of SA people say "I get along well with older people" or "I'm most uncomfortable around outgoing people my age." We feel more vulnerable and weak around people with good social skills who are also skilled at displaying a positive self image.
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