Originally Posted by conantheworthless
All the time I'm having some sort of imaginary conversations. Sometimes about how things should have happened, sometimes anticipating a conversation that will happen. I'm repeating myself all the time. How I should have done this or that, how I regret this or that. Constantly looking for validation for why I am who I am. Ridiculing myself.
Not always negative sometimes I dream up positive things , how I am living on my own or how I'm having fun with people. I have this smile upon my face, totally drowned in my dream world. Parents commenting what are you smiling about? After those dreams in an even more dreary feeling. What am I doing here?
Also when I should be busy with something else my mind just wanders off and I start imagining conversations mostly with myself.
When someone is talking to me I can hardly maintain concentration, I wander off, often afterwards totally not knowing what the person just said
With films I see a scene and then I start imagine how I would be in that situation for sometimes up to 20 minutes so I loose track of the plot. I keep replaying the same scene or conversation in my mind with small variations.
Do you recognize this? It's driving me crazy sometimes.
Yeah, I do this a lot too. I mean, I don't talk to myself out loud, but I ruminate over things or have mental conversations with myself. I think people with anxiety tend to ruminate over every interaction and question whether we were rude or did something wrong, or what the other person/people involved thought. I know I do.
I have those daydreams too. For me, I used to take plots or themes from TV shows, movies, the news, or things in real life and make TV series in my mind. Like I had one where I lived in a house on my street with people that were based on characters or actors/actresses in TV shows with the plots or episodes taken from other shows but modified in a way. Also certain physical things like cars or houses would be part of it too.
I think I can partly blame that on the fact that I watched too much Mister Rogers as a kid. He used to do similar things in his show.
Also, I would imagine a perfected version of myself in these "shows" where I had a great, funny personality and I was super hot and attractive. Plus my family was super popular and didn't have addiction problems. I had a sister in this show and an adopted brother. Whereas in real life I have no siblings.