You have hit something else here. The post mortem. You show a heavy emphasis on going back to what you done, mulling it over, picking out the negatives, feeling the embarrasment, then no doubt going back to the start and going through it all again?
LOL Yes, maybe all throughout the day depending on how important I feel the person(s) who I acted out around area to me...like that girl i had a crush on, i would think about her all day at times, felt so sick of it because i couldn't think clearly, it always resorted back to her. You know, now that I just said that, the other people who surrounded me during that evening and saw me act out and I don't feel much shame around, its because i haven't placed them up on this pedestal like i had her! And the way I think about how other people MIGHT find me embarrassing in their thoughts, well I doubt they even will remember it, probably like her...lesson learned
Sure, we learn from our mistakes, and some amount of past reflection is healthy. Going through our past experiences with a fine tooth comb and a negative bias, is not. That's a big problem for almost everyone with social anxiety and it's certainly one of the driving forces.
Don't get me wrong, I understand the logic. You go through your past experiences and you seek solutions. What can you change, etc. Makes perfect sense, huh? What I will say may sound very counter-intuitive, and it is, but it can make a huge difference. The very act of going back to your problems, analysing them and seeking solutions, for the most part keeps you locked into your problems. You get what you focus on. You focus on your problems, what do you get? You are what you think.
Forget about your problems, focus on what you want. It's ok to reflect once in a while, but doing it all day is nothing but massochism. Go over them once, then leave it, once is enough. Or even give yourself an exercise and see how many positives you can spot in there.
I'll try, I've always found it kind of therapeutic to look back and remember how I felt in those situations to learn and gain perspective from them but going over them too much like you mentioned also confuses and changes the reality of it...i start to live in those little worlds and come up with new interpretations each time and start to believe them
Maybe I'll just jot it down in my journal when the memory of it is freshest
Acceptance seems so easy, but I'm finding it really difficult to do. Does anybody have any insights on how to go about that? It's hard to let go of the past and be comfortable around others. Everywhere I go I think that people are judging me and I feel inferior sigh
How do confident people think when they are out in the world? Do they ever worry about what other's are thinking? Do they ever judge themselves or others harshly? Do they ever worry that they are going to do or say something stupid and embarrass themselves? I think that maybe if I had some insight on how a confident person 'thinks', I would be able to understand better what I need to do to gain some confidence. Does that make any sense?
It does make sense because I think in the same way.
Acceptance, what have I learned to be okay about myself so far...I'm sensitive, I'm shy, I'm goofy, I'm quiet, .....hehe i don't know if this is helping you out tho uhhhh I don't know if others remember the things we do as much as we THINK we do...I know when somebody does something embarrassing around me I'm not usually keeping that thought in my head of all their details....I DO WITH MINE but them, not really.
I think trying to mimic how someone else thinks and then trying to act out like them just makes us get further away from accepting ourselves, i see where you're coming from tho because I would think much of the same as you would....if I could only know how he thought about this or that then i would try to make myself think this way and then act out like that....we're all different and I don't think its healthy to do that
We need to take our qualities and embrace them even if they are different from the "norm"