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Confidence

2K views 25 replies 24 participants last post by  beargi 
#1 ·
Despite your social anxiety are you confident?

Do you fake being confident?

I'm learning to be confident. I've been stuttering when I say my name and with certain words. I get anxious answering the phone at work. And when I stutter sometimes I end up getting upset with myself. But I'm trying to not let it affect me.
 
#3 ·
Yep

I suppose I put on an act but I don't go overboard enough to come off as a true extrovert. If anything, it's solely been done to bypass confrontations and whatnot.

I guess I could say the same about interviews and whatnot. I don't like coming off as weird... so I try my best to act "normal".

Sad thing is, I can only ever pull it off for so long since I lack proper understanding of many things.

It's funny but I have to put effort in simply "sounding" normal let alone coming off as normal/sane. Similar to what's been brought up about voice and stuttering.
 
#4 ·
How does one can fake being confident? I mean, I've heard lots of stories on how to fake it till you make it but I yet to find out how can I put it in practice. Whenever I imagine myself in various social situations I can see myself as being confident, whether fake or not, but when I actually engage myself in any social situation, I become too conscious of myself and I hardly can be myself, let alone being someone I'm not, that is confident.
 
#6 ·
People who fake confidence... I can often tell. I can see the insecurity in their eyes.

Basically just act like you enjoy your own behavior and that people like you and that you are successful.

Try to command attention and be more "demanding" than you'd normally dare to, like asking people for favors, using nicknames when addressing people, don't apologize for small transgressions, and that kinda stuff.
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#5 ·
I know I appear confident sometimes - and sometimes I am. It's weird and I don't really understand it. It must get very confusing for people - it confuses me. One of my friends says I always seem okay. But that's because I only ever go and see him when I'm feeling up to it.

I'm actually not really very confident at all. I'm often a nervous wreck. Except for when I'm manic - then I feel like God.
 
#7 ·
Many "confident" people still require external validation so it's just a false sense of empowerment.
Our society thrives on this confidence which is why we are neck deep and drowning in so much bull$h!t.

I've always dreamed that one day I'd like to be humble. It's like a quiet confidence without having a need to prove yourself.
 
#9 ·
I do think there is merit to the "fake it till you make it" idea.


I used to have zero self-confidence/self-esteem, but joking around about how good I am at something, how good my outfit looks, etc. has been a good avenue in my daily interactions. For me, at least, approaching it through comedy and being lighthearted about it has definitely helped extend my confidence to more serious areas. At work, at least.
 
#10 ·
No. I always had a lack of confidence way before my Social Anxiety. This is my biggest problem with myself. What I am starting to learn with myself is that when I have more of a serious approach to whatever thing I am doing I seem to appear more confident. For an example when I made my first YouTube Video. I was scared. I couldn't talk. It was like stage fright. A deer looking at an oncoming car with headlights. I can't be confident but I can be serious. My seriousness helped with my videos. I don't see this as faking confident. It is more like me conducting myself as a person of importance. Like One who is a news anchor or the President.
 
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#12 ·
To me "confidence" means being comfortable in your own skin, no matter what's happening around you.

In this regard, having an SA and being confident is at odds. Personally, I'm fairly confident nowadays, although I often have to force positive self-talk in order to stay that way. The inner voice constantly tries to make us feel bad about ourselves, and it takes a lot of work to keep it at bay.
 
#13 ·
To the OP, yeah stuttering sucks. I used to suffer from it myself. Thankfully it has mostly gone now. I became good at word substitution, using an alternative word instead of one that I'd have trouble saying. It was mentally exhausting, though.

I'm not too bad these days in terms of confidence. For me a lot of it is about simply not caring so much about what other people think of me, how I look etc. Medication has helped with this.

And I agree with the person who said you can tell when people are trying to fake confidence. The eyes are windows to the soul, they give it all away.
 
#16 ·
Depends. I have a lot of confidence when it comes to solving certain kinds of problems or supporting certain positions. I have no confidence when it comes to dating or fisticuffs. This is based on the successes/failures I've had in these areas. Are there people who feel confident in every area? I don't think I've ever met anyone like that.
 
#18 ·
Idk I'm complicated, I don't understand myself, I can have a quiet confidence in situations alot of normal people might fail, then something simple for most can freak me out & yes I can fake it to a degree, defence mechanisms I had to develop to get through certain situations I didn't like.
 
#19 ·
I started off by developing a persona that was more confident, by observing what other more sociable people said & did that appeared to be liked by other people and copying it. Eventually you just keep lying about who you are & what you like until it becomes part of you.

As much as I hate it - I see no other way to move forward.
 
#22 ·
I pretend to have confidence, so basically I fake confidence. I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that I don't have any confidence since I fake it.

If I was told to give a speech in front of a million people, I would not do it, If I was forced to. Then I would - but feel very scared in the process, and possibly faint.

Sorry if that didn't make any sense..
 
#23 ·
Sometimes it's less about confidence and more about perspective. In many ways, you choose how you respond to input and feedback around you, and the sooner you realize that only your own perception of yourself matters. In that sense, I think it is important to learn to recognize cognitions that are harmful and anxiety provoking before they grab a hold of you. See below for a book recommendation.

I am currently taking Lexapro for social anxiety, and the main benefits of the drug for me have been feeling less stressed and generally more positive and optimistic about myself. This is turn has allowed me to be more social and confident. I feel more encouraged to step out of my comfort zone and experience new challenges. I find that my inner voice is less critical and significantly more realistic. What we say to ourselves absolutely matters, and a negative pattern of anxious thoughts and feelings over an extended period of time will absolutely have an effect on confidence and self-esteem. The more you avoid doing the things that you really want to do, the more anxiety you will experience.

So, in short, for me, Lexapro and Propranolol have absolutely allowed me to overcome some of the anxiety that has been crippling me over the last few years. This is of course just a band-aid, so it is also important to develop strategies to better help you deal with your fears. I recommend reading the book, The Confidence Gap. It has helped me tremendously in changing my perspective and be less sensitive to external feedback that I could easily twist into something negative that would have me experiencing anxiety for weeks if I didn't identify it and let it go. First comes the action, then comes the feeling of confidence. The author, Russ Harris, refers to this as the confidence cycle.

You can overcome this and sometimes getting a little bit of additional support can make a world of difference. For me, therapy, medication and challenging my has allowed me to be a better version of myself, but I am far from healed. I also think that self-doubt is normal; the difference lies in how you deal with it.
 
#25 ·
I get confident once I start seeing that Im doing the right things. So fake it till you make it. In terms of social interactions tho...no Im not confident and Im sure I come off as awkward. But I try not to stress about it cause theres only so many hours in the day
 
#26 ·
When I'm not talking I look and feel confident, to the point I look full of myself, I'm sure people think I'm arrogant - especially my classmates. But the moment I start talking, ugh. I just stutter, speak in a very silent voice (when I'm with strangers). So all the magic is gone.
 
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