Comfort zone - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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When you decide to get out of your comfort zone and do things/be around people.. does that ever result in effecting the rest of your day in a negative way?

That has happened to me quite a bit and I am wondering if I should still keep pushing myself regardless.. I'm wondering if it ever gets better.

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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 01:16 PM
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I'll say yes, keep pushing yourself, but cautiously. If you're putting youself out there and it's seriously affecting you, cut yourself some slack. Don't slack off though. As soon as you feel stronger give it another shot, or the possibility/potential of improving won't be there.

Social stuff can bring me down very easily. Not sure if it gets better to be honest. What affects me negatively or positively seems pretty random a lot of the time.

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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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I'll say yes, keep pushing yourself, but cautiously. If you're putting youself out there and it's seriously affecting you, cut yourself some slack. Don't slack off though. As soon as you feel stronger give it another shot, or the possibility/potential of improving won't be there.

Social stuff can bring me down very easily. Not sure if it gets better to be honest. What affects me negatively or positively seems pretty random a lot of the time.
For me it's hard to tell when I should back down a little. If I were to wait until I was in a better mood to do it again, I don't think it would happen for a long time then. So I feel like even if I'm not ready I have to do it anyway so I don't end up slacking or whatever.

Same here. I feel that I'm like overly sensitive in social situations.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 02:38 PM
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I agree with @zvk.

If this is part of a wider long-term plan to self-improve (as opposed to just having a generalised intention to get out of your comfort zone), what does help is giving yourself weekly targets/ goals (for example). When that target is achieved you are not only motivated by the fact you accomplished your target, but you're basically giving yourself permission to have a rest as opposed to continuing to the point of burning yourself out.

From my own experience, whether this works long-term depends on what it is you are doing in terms of getting out of your comfort zone, and what your end goal is. Or indeed if you have a plan at all.

Routinely pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone does get quite exhausting emotionally, and we can be very self-critical even during our successes. It's all part of the process I think, and if that's the case well then that at least suggests you're on right track.

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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 03:47 PM
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Whatever it is that affects you negatively, is it an objectively bad thing? Would it affect everyone the same way? If so, I'd say keep trying regardless until you have had so many good experiences that the bad ones will seem unimportant in comparison.
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 05:16 PM
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I think it probably affects me positively 80% of the times and negatively 20% of the times. But the positives are boring enough to be quickly forgotten and the negatives get seared into memory.

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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 06:30 PM
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When you decide to get out of your comfort zone and do things/be around people.. does that ever result in effecting the rest of your day in a negative way?
Usually.
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 07:31 PM
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it can be very negative. sometimes the social event is a flop. sometimes not. after, the next day or 2 things get weird. mixed feelings, missing good times or regret etc plus all energy drained, needing to recharge.

sometimes the benefits are worth the costs, sometimes not. I dont know what else to do though. cant give up social gains, risk loneliness, boredom. boredom is the worst.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 07:41 PM
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It is either very bad at the moment the social "event" takes place or it appears to be fun only to get bad the day after(in my mind). It is basically a lose lose situation. It affects me for a couple of days where I belittle myself, where I think I'm the biggest loser earth has ever produced, until the feeling dies down after a couple of weeks of "isolation" and I find my stride back into what I usually do which is nothing productive.

Rince and repeat.
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 07:48 PM Thread Starter
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I agree with @zvk.

If this is part of a wider long-term plan to self-improve (as opposed to just having a generalised intention to get out of your comfort zone), what does help is giving yourself weekly targets/ goals (for example). When that target is achieved you are not only motivated by the fact you accomplished your target, but you're basically giving yourself permission to have a rest as opposed to continuing to the point of burning yourself out.

From my own experience, whether this works long-term depends on what it is you are doing in terms of getting out of your comfort zone, and what your end goal is. Or indeed if you have a plan at all.

Routinely pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone does get quite exhausting emotionally, and we can be very self-critical even during our successes. It's all part of the process I think, and if that's the case well then that at least suggests you're on right track.

You have my support.
What are your goals?

I have talked very recently to my therapist about what I'd like to change/improve (if that's what you're talking about) so hopefully we can get somewhere with that.

Yeah I am a bit critical with myself and don't see me just getting out of the house as something to feel good about or that I really accomplished anything.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 07:51 PM Thread Starter
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I think it probably affects me positively 80% of the times and negatively 20% of the times. But the positives are boring enough to be quickly forgotten and the negatives get seared into memory.
Yeah I understand. The positives for me aren't anything all that great.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 07:55 PM Thread Starter
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It is either very bad at the moment the social "event" takes place or it appears to be fun only to get bad the day after(in my mind). It is basically a lose lose situation. It affects me for a couple of days where I belittle myself, where I think I'm the biggest loser earth has ever produced, until the feeling dies down after a couple of weeks of "isolation" and I find my stride back into what I usually do which is nothing productive.

Rince and repeat.
That is no good :/
What kind of social event are we talking about here?

I'm not quite sure exactly what kind but sounds like you need a change. What do you enjoy doing?

By the way, you're not a loser so don't say that!

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 08:00 PM Thread Starter
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it can be very negative. sometimes the social event is a flop. sometimes not. after, the next day or 2 things get weird. mixed feelings, missing good times or regret etc plus all energy drained, needing to recharge.

sometimes the benefits are worth the costs, sometimes not. I dont know what else to do though. cant give up social gains, risk loneliness, boredom. boredom is the worst.
What social events do you go to? At least you've got the courage to go right?

What are the benefits? I'm asking because I guess that I find a hard time finding them for myself. Yeah, you're right! I really do hope you find the solution. I feel for you.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 08:01 PM
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That is no good :/
What kind of social event are we talking about here?

I'm not quite sure exactly what kind but sounds like you need a change. What do you enjoy doing?

By the way, you're not a loser so don't say that!

Well the worst are family gatherings (for example New Years day) I can't even remember the last time I attended one of them but also meetings with friends at a bar or so (they are usually ok or even fun) but the day after my opinion about that has changed significantly.

I honestly have no idea what I enjoy doing... I just watch documentaries or films or listen to some music. I'm not very active, I'm not very talkative. I'm kind of a lost cause really, without any purpose.

Thanks for the interest though :-)
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
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Whatever it is that affects you negatively, is it an objectively bad thing? Would it affect everyone the same way? If so, I'd say keep trying regardless until you have had so many good experiences that the bad ones will seem unimportant in comparison.
No it's not bad but it does screw with my mind and leave me feeling weird for the rest of the day. I will.. What good experiences have you had?

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #16 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 08:05 PM Thread Starter
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Usually.
*hugs* I hope that things will change for you.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #17 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 08:41 PM
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What social events do you go to? At least you've got the courage to go right?

What are the benefits? I'm asking because I guess that I find a hard time finding them for myself. Yeah, you're right! I really do hope you find the solution. I feel for you.
not much new for a while. our board games group is starting to merge with a different group. so I went to an event where I didnt know the people last week, and again today. I go with some people I know but still is a bit of a thing. meetup hasn't been happening since covid started so haven't been to any random events for ages.

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post #18 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 09:04 PM
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For me, usually it will depend on whether or not I feel the experience is negative or positive.


Most interactions end up being positive, so.
But also a part of it is interpretation, and it's something I'm trying to get better at. (Negative interpretation of a neutral/slightly positive situation)

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post #19 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-22-2020, 10:15 PM Thread Starter
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Do not give in. It's not in your spiritual essence. Even if it in no way becomes improved, you at least strove the best you might. You may engage the deep breathing processes and persist in pushing yourself but do it cautiously. You may not know why this so connected to your earlier sequences instilled with anxiety, but it is. Possibly it is trying to tell you something about the instantaneous downbeat reflections in your typical thought clouds.

You should take what you have learned into consideration and proceed as if the spectres of anxiety are with you, but faded to the periphery. By the end of the week, you will notice alterations in yourself. You will be having a few more enjoyable times, intermingling with citizens, and appreciating the uncomplicated matters. While one hesitates to comment on this, you are essentially making headway in the real-world rehabilitation “scheme". Is this mending your history? Is this happenstance?
I'm not sure if I've learned much from going out.
Sorry but I don't quite understand your question..

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #20 of 33 (permalink) Old 10-23-2020, 04:47 AM
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No it's not bad but it does screw with my mind and leave me feeling weird for the rest of the day. I will.. What good experiences have you had?

For example, when I was 16, I went clubbing a couple of times with some of my classmates. It's a small town, so regardless of where we went, I was bound to bump into people who picked on me at school. The combination of meeting them in an unfamiliar situation and my fear of crowded places put me off ever doing that again for a long time. Some years passed, I made some good friends and they started taking me to clubs. I felt closer to them than to any of my high school classmates, so after a bunch of positive experiences, I was able to brush off those small uncomfortable moments.
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