Classic Social Anxiety Moments - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-08-2010, 08:41 PM Thread Starter
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Classic Social Anxiety Moments


Ok, so have any of you come across the epic thread on grasscity.com entitled "Funny stoned conversations with parents?" Well, if not, I think you should read a few pages of it. I found it extremely hilarious.

Anyways, that thread and another one from this site inspired me to try to create a similar one on here. So here's how it works: I would like everyone to post one or more of their life's most embarrassing/awkward/terrifying/etc. moments having to do with social anxiety. Maybe you had to give a speech in front of the whole school or something, I don't know. And maybe, just maybe, after it's all said and done, we can sit back and have a nice, long laugh at ourselves. So, I'll go ahead and start with mine.

**Honestly, I'll be surprised if anyone reads this entire story, but it felt good to sort of get if off of my chest, as I have never told anyone how I really felt on this day. Don't feel obligated to read it. Just go ahead and post your own story.

First, a little background. I was seventeen years old, at the peak of my SA, I had no real friends, so naturally, I was seeking acceptance from anyone who would give it. Of course, I managed to fall in with the wrong crowd, the potheads. I had been smoking by myself pretty regularly for a couple of months, but getting high only made me obsess over my shortcomings, most of them having to do with my social inadequacies. So long story short, I manage to connect with an old friend of mine from like junior high, who was also a regular smoker at the time, and we got high a few times together, along with another ""friend"" of ours. After toking, we would sit there and play video games or watch movies, me obsessing over myself the whole time, you guys know how it is, and due to my totally fake, but perfectly timed chuckles, I guess they never really realized just how uncomfortable I was. They were stoned, I suppose. Haha.

Anyway, so one day after school, this friend hits me up and asks if I want to inhale the smoke with him, mentioning something about maybe going over to some random stoner's house and smoking there, too. Of course, I don't want to do this, but I'm desperate for friends, so, of course, I agree, and so we roll a couple of joints and drive down some backroads smoking them. The whole time, I'm uncomfortable, mind you.

So after the two joints, he answers his ringing phone and its this guy he mentioned earlier, inviting us over to his house to smoke some more. I've already smoked more than I'm used to, mind you, and paranoia is beginning to set in. But, I don't want him to think I'm a loser, so I agree to go. 5 minutes later, we pull up to this house.


20 minutes and a joint and 5 or 6 bowls later, I am sitting on the couch in this unfamiliar territory, feeling paranoid and crappy as ever, trying desperately to think of something cool or right to say, but I still haven't said a total of 2 words since I walked in the door. My friend sitting beside me eventually starts to notice that something is amiss, and begins staring at me. Of course, I want to keep up my appearance of being relaxed, comfortable, and stoned, so I pretend not to notice.

The next 4 or 5 minutes contained some of the most awkward exchanges of glances in the history of the universe. Him sensing my problem, me trying desperately to cover it up, but too terrified to say a word. We sat there, each of us trying to pretend we weren't thinking about what we really were (my weird behavior), casting glances back and forth, and avoiding eye contact at all costs. Eventually, I begin to feel the pressure of the entire world on me, as it is clear that everyone in the room (2 people) is waiting for me to speak. Panicking, I frantically begin the search for something to say. The next few minutes were probably the WORST MINUTES OF MY LIFE. I felt like these two people could see into my soul and see me for the coward that I truly was at the time. Embarrassed does not even begin to describe how I felt. Imagine all of your manhood, dignity, and pride being stripped from you, while an audience is watching it happen.

In a desperate attempt to escape the situation, I try for a few moments to force myself to say something. I manage to break my silence by saying, almost whispering, sounding like a pathetically helpless animal, "I'm high."

I had spoken. That decreased the tension in the room quite a bit. I looked my friend in the eye for the first time, and he looked at me with pity, like I was a wounded stray dog with three legs, nodded his head, and said, as if the past half hour all made sense to him now: "Yeah, you're high."

So, a few minutes later, I suggest to my friend that we should probably leave now. I feel as if I have killed everyone's high. (Actually, his mom was sitting right there(she smokes), but I didn't really count her as there because I don't think she was even aware of what was going on.) So, I apologize to the other guy whose house it is, and surprisingly, he looks at me, and says, totally sincerely, "It's cool man." That made me feel a bit better. He sympathized with me. He saw me at my very worst, but didn't hold it against me. I gained a lot of respect for him at that moment. Anyway, right after he says that, we slap hands and I get up, and walk toward the door, say bye to his mom and apologize, feeling at the time that she was pissed at me, and walk out the door to my car.

My friend and I get in the car, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is an extremely intimidating "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!" All I remember about the ride back was my bad high continuing and myself panicking, screaming: "I'M SORRY!!!" many, many times. Him telling me I shouldn't be driving while I'm freaking out like this, that I was going way too fast, when it actually turned out I was going the perfect speed already. He had me slowed down to like 25 in a 55 or something like that.

So, anyway, I manage to drop him off at his casa, and make it back to my own safely, and I just go into my room and try to process this total mindf**k that I had just been through. I end up calling my mom out of desperation and telling her I had smoked way too much. I was desperate for someone to talk to, someone to help me, but I don't think any words are capable of describing how I felt that day. I did not go to school the next day, I was so embarassed, and I felt like I qualified as sick anyways. The day after that, I went and a few people asked me what happened. A kindof friend of mine looked at me and screamed "IM SORRY!", mocking me.

All in all, this was an unforgettable experience. I think it was one of the worst days of my life, maybe the worst. But, I think I learned and grew from it. Funny, looking back, I am almost glad it happened. It was like a slap in the face. It made me realize that I did have a problem, and that motivated me to try and conquer everything that was holding me back. And just look at me now. I thought I would never be able to enjoy life again after that day, I was so ashamed of myself. But now, I have built myself up again from scratch, and I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. Never give up, friends. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-08-2010, 09:32 PM
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yo man i bet no one notice a thing until you began apologizing in that house, which was weird and out of no where. Hence you friend said " wtf was that?"


It was all in your head.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-08-2010, 09:38 PM Thread Starter
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yo man i bet no one notice a thing until you began apologizing in that house, which was weird and out of no where. Hence you friend said " wtf was that?"


It was all in your head.
Nah, man, he did notice, although it did take 20 or 30 minutes of complete silence from me. Plus, afterwards, after he said "wtf was that" he mentioned something about me not saying anything. Actually, you could be right, but I'm 99.9% sure he noticed. But the other dude didn't even notice until we were in the awkward glance exchange. Bcuz right then I looked at him worriedly, and then he saw the bad vibes between me and the my friend. He didn't even know what was going on, but he just smiled, said "I'm stoned," and laughed. Haha, that dudes chill as hell.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-08-2010, 09:51 PM
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i guess that's the difference between non-sa and SA people. SA people go crazy inside their own head and eventually, people pick up their vibe
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-08-2010, 10:15 PM
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ugh that sounds mortifying lol. I've had some similar experiences actually, weed can make me even more paranoid and anxious than usual sometimes. One time I was really stoned at a friend's house and was convinced that everyone was staring at me and judging me(which is something I always worry about because of SA) and I really started to freak out. I felt like I couldn't breathe, thought I was having a panic attack or something. I was trying to control myself and act normal but obviously everyone could tell something was wrong. Eventually I just got up and and ran out, mumbling something about having to go home. I avoided my friend for days after that. lol just thinking about it makes me cringe with embarassment.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 12:30 AM
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when my s/a was at its all time lowest and I was so scared to order from the idiot at the cash register at mc donalds I said " 2 number 2's and a number 4 with root beer ".

So the guy looks at me and says something but I didnt hear so I just say " yea ".

so when I get the food, wat do I get? I get 2 number 2's and.. 4 root beers.

so thats 6 drinks all together that i had to look like a **** head carrying out

keep your eye on the ball
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 05:54 AM Thread Starter
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ugh that sounds mortifying lol. I've had some similar experiences actually, weed can make me even more paranoid and anxious than usual sometimes. One time I was really stoned at a friend's house and was convinced that everyone was staring at me and judging me(which is something I always worry about because of SA) and I really started to freak out. I felt like I couldn't breathe, thought I was having a panic attack or something. I was trying to control myself and act normal but obviously everyone could tell something was wrong. Eventually I just got up and and ran out, mumbling something about having to go home. I avoided my friend for days after that. lol just thinking about it makes me cringe with embarassment.
That's pretty much exactly how I felt. I guess our kind don't make very good stoners. Hehehe.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 05:57 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by ruinMYlife View Post
when my s/a was at its all time lowest and I was so scared to order from the idiot at the cash register at mc donalds I said " 2 number 2's and a number 4 with root beer ".

So the guy looks at me and says something but I didnt hear so I just say " yea ".

so when I get the food, wat do I get? I get 2 number 2's and.. 4 root beers.

so thats 6 drinks all together that i had to look like a **** head carrying out
Hahaha, nice! Now don't you find that kind of funny when you look back on it? That should definitely go down as a classic moment in the history of social anxiety. Like, if there was a commercial for SA or something, I think this should be in it.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 10:02 AM
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My tale is extremely embarrassing, rather than comedic.

It happened rather recently, rather recently being approximately a year ago, and happened in a time in which I had been aware that I became extremely paranoid and anxious around people, but had not been aware that it had an actual name, or was an actual problem. We had been, we being our year which consists of one hundred and fifty students, lining up for an exam we were taking in the hall, a fair amount of staff around us all. I had been talking to a friend beside me, and had only felt uncomfortable, rather than extremely anxious. But then, my friends asks, "Do you have your calculator?"

The exam required one, and, as it turned out, I did not have one. I asked a few people who stood nearby, but no one had a spare to lend. In desperation, I stood tall and, as we were near the front, looked at the line that span behind me, searching for a person I could ask, but as my eyes scanned the extremely long line, I grew more and more axious, realising there was a lot of people, and all these people would be going into the hall, and suddenly, I was bent over, not being able to control my breathing, it feeling as if there was a barrier preventing me from breathing.

Calculator forgotten, I struggled to breathe out of panic, which made me panic more, and I began to feel unsteady, feeling unreal and my sight becoming blurry, and my hands began to do a weird motion, as if this would aid my breathing, but rather, only aided to make me look more bizarre. I looked up, and I could see everyone in the line looking at me, and one of the teachers supporting me and asking did I want to go in a seperate room, and the other asking did I have my calculator, and I could hear all those people, my peers, laughing and whispering about me, and I felt extremely embarrassed, but was helpless to do anything.

I kept on refusing to be taken away from the line, for reasons unknown to me. Eventually, both teachers took me out the line, I was helpless anyway, and took me into another room, and I was given a paper bag and a glass of water, then put in the special time allowance room, as only five other people take an exam in there. Afterwards, I had finally calmed, but felt nauseous and faint. I saw my friend, who looked at me with horror, and said, "You looked mental, everyone was laughing."

I replied, "I have pins and needles in my cheeks. I've never had pins and needles in my cheeks before." And we went to next lesson.

Laugh your heart out
Dance in the rain
Cherish the memories
Ignore the pain
Love and learn
Forget and forgive
Because remember you
Have only one life
To live
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 05:14 PM
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Classic SA-induced paranoia?
Its like trying to repaint the entire empire state building with a skinny paintbrush!!
Can you imagine? Do you really wanna do that??? Then stop the paranoia!!!
I beseech all the SA-ers to stop over-analyzing.
When my friends tell me, "You're so analytical", I reflect quickly and clear my head and stop thinking too much.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 05:28 PM
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When my SA was at its strongest, i wouldn't go near the local shop, and i hated leaving the house. That was about 3-4 years ago. I also hated answering phones, which i overcame last year when i had to work in an office - and answering the phone was one of my jobs, lol
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-09-2010, 05:44 PM
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In fourth grade I was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom during lunch so I tried to hold it until it was time to return to the classroom. As I was asking the teacher if I could go, I peed my pants in the middle of the floor. I was mortified. I had to walk to the office by myself with my wet pants to call home. The lady in the office hadn't noticed that my pants were wet and told me I could have a seat while I waited for my dad to pick me up, but I told her no thanks. She told me the same thing a few minutes later and I had to say no again. When my dad came, I had to go back into the classroom to get my stuff and I was so embarrassed. There was a huge wet spot on the carpet. When I went to school the next day, no one mentioned it which I was extremely grateful for. It seems funny now, but when I was wetting my pants, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never show my face again.
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