Classic Social Anxiety Moments
Ok, so have any of you come across the epic thread on grasscity.com entitled "Funny stoned conversations with parents?" Well, if not, I think you should read a few pages of it. I found it extremely hilarious.
Anyways, that thread and another one from this site inspired me to try to create a similar one on here. So here's how it works: I would like everyone to post one or more of their life's most embarrassing/awkward/terrifying/etc. moments having to do with social anxiety. Maybe you had to give a speech in front of the whole school or something, I don't know. And maybe, just maybe, after it's all said and done, we can sit back and have a nice, long laugh at ourselves. So, I'll go ahead and start with mine.
**Honestly, I'll be surprised if anyone reads this entire story, but it felt good to sort of get if off of my chest, as I have never told anyone how I really felt on this day. Don't feel obligated to read it. Just go ahead and post your own story.
First, a little background. I was seventeen years old, at the peak of my SA, I had no real friends, so naturally, I was seeking acceptance from anyone who would give it. Of course, I managed to fall in with the wrong crowd, the potheads. I had been smoking by myself pretty regularly for a couple of months, but getting high only made me obsess over my shortcomings, most of them having to do with my social inadequacies. So long story short, I manage to connect with an old friend of mine from like junior high, who was also a regular smoker at the time, and we got high a few times together, along with another ""friend"" of ours. After toking, we would sit there and play video games or watch movies, me obsessing over myself the whole time, you guys know how it is, and due to my totally fake, but perfectly timed chuckles, I guess they never really realized just how uncomfortable I was. They were stoned, I suppose. Haha.
Anyway, so one day after school, this friend hits me up and asks if I want to inhale the smoke with him, mentioning something about maybe going over to some random stoner's house and smoking there, too. Of course, I don't want to do this, but I'm desperate for friends, so, of course, I agree, and so we roll a couple of joints and drive down some backroads smoking them. The whole time, I'm uncomfortable, mind you.
So after the two joints, he answers his ringing phone and its this guy he mentioned earlier, inviting us over to his house to smoke some more. I've already smoked more than I'm used to, mind you, and paranoia is beginning to set in. But, I don't want him to think I'm a loser, so I agree to go. 5 minutes later, we pull up to this house.
20 minutes and a joint and 5 or 6 bowls later, I am sitting on the couch in this unfamiliar territory, feeling paranoid and crappy as ever, trying desperately to think of something cool or right to say, but I still haven't said a total of 2 words since I walked in the door. My friend sitting beside me eventually starts to notice that something is amiss, and begins staring at me. Of course, I want to keep up my appearance of being relaxed, comfortable, and stoned, so I pretend not to notice.
The next 4 or 5 minutes contained some of the most awkward exchanges of glances in the history of the universe. Him sensing my problem, me trying desperately to cover it up, but too terrified to say a word. We sat there, each of us trying to pretend we weren't thinking about what we really were (my weird behavior), casting glances back and forth, and avoiding eye contact at all costs. Eventually, I begin to feel the pressure of the entire world on me, as it is clear that everyone in the room (2 people) is waiting for me to speak. Panicking, I frantically begin the search for something to say. The next few minutes were probably the WORST MINUTES OF MY LIFE. I felt like these two people could see into my soul and see me for the coward that I truly was at the time. Embarrassed does not even begin to describe how I felt. Imagine all of your manhood, dignity, and pride being stripped from you, while an audience is watching it happen.
In a desperate attempt to escape the situation, I try for a few moments to force myself to say something. I manage to break my silence by saying, almost whispering, sounding like a pathetically helpless animal, "I'm high."
I had spoken. That decreased the tension in the room quite a bit. I looked my friend in the eye for the first time, and he looked at me with pity, like I was a wounded stray dog with three legs, nodded his head, and said, as if the past half hour all made sense to him now: "Yeah, you're high."
So, a few minutes later, I suggest to my friend that we should probably leave now. I feel as if I have killed everyone's high. (Actually, his mom was sitting right there(she smokes), but I didn't really count her as there because I don't think she was even aware of what was going on.) So, I apologize to the other guy whose house it is, and surprisingly, he looks at me, and says, totally sincerely, "It's cool man." That made me feel a bit better. He sympathized with me. He saw me at my very worst, but didn't hold it against me. I gained a lot of respect for him at that moment. Anyway, right after he says that, we slap hands and I get up, and walk toward the door, say bye to his mom and apologize, feeling at the time that she was pissed at me, and walk out the door to my car.
My friend and I get in the car, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is an extremely intimidating "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!" All I remember about the ride back was my bad high continuing and myself panicking, screaming: "I'M SORRY!!!" many, many times. Him telling me I shouldn't be driving while I'm freaking out like this, that I was going way too fast, when it actually turned out I was going the perfect speed already. He had me slowed down to like 25 in a 55 or something like that.
So, anyway, I manage to drop him off at his casa, and make it back to my own safely, and I just go into my room and try to process this total mindf**k that I had just been through. I end up calling my mom out of desperation and telling her I had smoked way too much. I was desperate for someone to talk to, someone to help me, but I don't think any words are capable of describing how I felt that day. I did not go to school the next day, I was so embarassed, and I felt like I qualified as sick anyways. The day after that, I went and a few people asked me what happened. A kindof friend of mine looked at me and screamed "IM SORRY!", mocking me.
All in all, this was an unforgettable experience. I think it was one of the worst days of my life, maybe the worst. But, I think I learned and grew from it. Funny, looking back, I am almost glad it happened. It was like a slap in the face. It made me realize that I did have a problem, and that motivated me to try and conquer everything that was holding me back. And just look at me now. I thought I would never be able to enjoy life again after that day, I was so ashamed of myself. But now, I have built myself up again from scratch, and I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. Never give up, friends. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it.