Can't take a compliment! - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 08-31-2007, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
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Can't take a compliment!


How do you react when someone gives you a compliment? I actually feel embarrassed when someone says something nice about me, to the point where I will do anything in my power to avoid seeing that person again simply because I can't stand the idea that I will fail to live up to whatever expectations I imagine he or she has of me.

For example, if someone tells me that I look pretty, I thank him or her and then, if at all possible, I make sure that either we never see each other again or that our encounters are always very brief. If I absolutely must see this person again, I spend extra time preparing for the occasion -- putting on even more makeup than I usually wear, brushing my hair, picking out clothes, etc. -- because now that I know for sure that s/he is paying attention to my appearance, I feel that I can't afford to look less than perfect. This, however, never works because no matter how much time I spend preparing, I still feel unbearably self-conscious and inadequate when we meet again, and I make up a thousand excuses to avoid talking to him/her: I could say something stupid, I might have bad breath, I shouldn't have worn this top, What if I have something stuck between my teeth? I worry so much about disappointing people that I don't allow myself to get to know anyone!!!
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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 08-31-2007, 02:38 PM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I kind of know what you are talking because I used to be like that. Now, I just say "thank you" and smile, or if the compliment is by a girl I try to play it cool and act more provacitively.

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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-01-2007, 12:55 PM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


If someone compliments me on how I look, I think they are taking the piss initially unless it's my mum, but who wants to be complimented by their mum on how they look? . A friend said to me "Nice tshirt" and I gave him a funny look because I had already been thinking about how much I hated that tshirt. I still don't know if he was serious or not.

When it comes to things I have made I don't believe compliments or uncomplimentary remarks. I know if I am happy with something and no one else's opinion matters a damn. I'm glad when someone likes something but it doesn't matter to me.

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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-01-2007, 01:12 PM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


It can be difficult to just accept a compliment at face value. You wonder, is the person being sincere or sarcastic? If it's sincere, you wonder about the person's taste ("they like this????"). You worry if they're just being "polite" and not stating their true feelings. You worry that they are being fooled somehow and don't see the real you ('cause if they saw the real you, it certainly wouldn't be compliment-worthy). And if the compliment comes from a family member, you feel like, well, they have to say that because they are mom, dad, sis, bro, whatever.

These are some of the thoughts that go through my DS's mind. We're working on accepting the compliments in stride and saying "Thank you!" with a smile. It's tough!

On the other hand, he's very generous with compliments (and his compliments are always sincere). He loves seeing how someone's face brightens when he tells them "Good job!" or "That haircut looks good!". He can hand them out but he can't take them.

Mom of 17yo Tym, who lives with (but is not defined by) SA.
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-01-2007, 04:17 PM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I HATE compliments from my mom, HATE them. I don't know why, I just do. It feels like they almost mean nothing. Sounds bad but its true.

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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-01-2007, 05:04 PM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


**** my mom never compliments me and i dont think she ever has. But anyway when i get a compliment i just say thanks and thats it. But if they start talking to me after that then i get anxious and start sweating and ****.
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-01-2007, 10:42 PM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I feel the same way, tgra, and would probably do something very similar to your example. I also argee with tymsmom and often wonder if the person being sincere or sarcastic. Usually if people give me a compliment(doesnt happen often!) ill roll it off with a "yeah ok.." and thats it.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -Aristotle
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-02-2007, 12:00 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I'm not bad with compliments. A simple "Thankyou" will suffice.
I don't worry about looking perfect all the time. I just do the best I can. Try not to obsess over your appearance so much, easier said than done I'm sure. Everyone looks better on certain days than others. It's life.

Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power lines
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Took an hour to fall


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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-02-2007, 02:40 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


Quote:
Originally Posted by tgra
...I can't stand the idea that I will fail to live up to whatever expectations I imagine he or she has of me.
That's my problem too. It's not too much of a big deal though since I never get compliments anyway.
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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-03-2007, 08:28 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


Usually people compliment someone because they want the person to like them. They are trying to be friendly and establish a connection.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 04:42 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


You all have wonderful grammar. Did I ever tell you that?



Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 05:30 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I reject you're compliment, Ross.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 05:56 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


Subtle. I like it.

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 06:00 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I accept your compliment. I'm cured!

I will meditate and then destroy you.
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 06:05 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


I really like how you are cured. Its kind of alluring.

Ross

PS I can write the above without the usual need for a 'sarcasm' emoticon because you are from england, home of irony, sarcasm and unexplained sporadic bar-fights.

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 06:27 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
I really like how you are cured. Its kind of alluring.

Ross

PS I can write the above without the usual need for a 'sarcasm' emoticon because you are from england, home of irony, sarcasm and unexplained sporadic bar-fights.
I was only thinking about this last night, how I used to write everything without emoticons, exclamation marks or literally writing "that was a joke" after it! But no one seemed to get it. The Internet has defeated me.

That was a joke.

I will meditate and then destroy you.
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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 06:42 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


We are now hopelessly off topic. Sorry about that.

I have been training myself to say thank you when someone compliments me. I realised that people actually get slightly offended when you brush off compliments. You may not mean to, but when you tell someone that 'it wasn't that good really' they dont always hear modesty, they hear you telling them they are wrong and a poor judge of character.

Then they run off and cry and throw all their nice clothes in the dustbin, convinced they will never be invited to a party again.

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 07:35 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
Then they run off and cry and throw all their nice clothes in the dustbin, convinced they will never be invited to a party again.
That was a little extreme.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 08:01 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


From the US Waste Department's annual report:

Quote:
The composition of all US landfill sites has been shown to be over 75% textiles. Surveys show this is 95% due to spurned compliments, proven by samples of the garments that show clear traces of human tears.
Why people can't make it to thrift stores I will never know, but maybe they were so overcome with tears that they could stagger no further than their bin.

And all they wanted was to bring a little sunshine.

*sigh*

Ross

On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 09-05-2007, 08:39 AM
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Re: Can't take a compliment!


Well that settles it.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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