I appreciate all the replies and most of you talking about your own lives. I'm reading every word.
I think becoming a shut-in is about more than social anxiety. Basically, at eighteen, you made the choice not to grow up. You pressed the pause button on your life because you didn't believe you could cope with adulthood.
I'm just wondering: were your parents controlling or overprotective when you were a kid? Because if your parents have been running your entire life from birth, the idea of going it alone is pretty terrifying, and you're probably not going to feel capable of it.
I don't really feel like they were controlling. More like the never pushed me. Instead of going on a 5th grade week long camping trip, I didn't want to go, so I didn't. I tried to learn how to swim, nearly drowned, then they never pushed me to try anymore. I took Karate and earned a few belts, but didn't like fighting/sparring with the other kids, so I quit, again they didn't push me. I was an extremely stubborn kid when I was young. All I wanted to do was sit in my room and play video games. They wanted me to have some kind of extracurricular activity, and I didn't. Eventually I joined the band/marching band though, cause that was finally something I liked. But I did not like the marching band stuff. But I put up with it because it was better than taking Physical Education (P.E.). That was my worst fear. I was thought to have some kind of learning disability in elementary school, so I had basically no challenge all the way through high school. I was getting exempted from all major tests and the tests I did do were always "dumbed" down a few grade levels.
One way I differ is that I graduated from college. Really the only reason I went to college was because it was the expected thing to do. Society sold me a pile of BS about the value of college. College also gave me a viable excuse for not getting any job from 1991-1995, as my job was student. Also, being a student was what I'd been trained to do and it was simply the natural progression from HS.
Then I graduated in May 1995 and I had a business degree. OK, now what? I wasn't able to answer that simple question, and now I sit here still living with my mother at the age of 38.
Interesting that you've never consumed alcohol. I never drank either till I was over the age of 30, so one can be a late bloomer. Now I drink virtually ever damn night (alone). I don't go to bars, as bars are where one might go with friends and I don't have any of them in real life.
Yeah, not once in my life, even now, do I know what I would like to do for a living. So that's another reason why I didn't want to go to college. I didn't know what I wanted to study for. Of course that's just one of the many reasons I didn't go, main reason being I was far too afraid, my social anxieties were beginning to come out much stronger, ect. I couldn't stand the thought of driving more than a few miles away from my house. I had so much crap going on in my mind at that time, that I would just go into panic attacks just thinking about it.
Yeah, I don't ever plan on ever drinking. That was something that was engraved in my head when I was in kindergarten. Alcohol is bad for you. So yeah, I'm never going to drink. I've never had even a slight temptation to try. It's just not for me. I don't have any friends or anything so I never go out to bars or anything like that either. I'm pretty much at home 24/7/365.
This breaks my heart. If not for a few lucky breaks, who knows, maybe I could be standing in your shoes. I am puzzled by your assertion you are happy and don't desire change. Is this something you have tell yourself in order to keep going? This seems excruciating. I hope you can find a way into the outside, if that's what you truly desire. Take care.
Well, I truly am happy. I feel like I'm a 13 year old on permanent summer vacation. I sleep as long as I want, I get 3 meals a day, I watch TV, play video games, watch anime. Life couldn't be better.
But I do understand that this is not a healthy life and this lifestyle will not last forever. But I don't care. I just don't care. I feel bad being a human leech, but not bad enough to change. It's too hard to change because anytime I do go out in public (even to a place with very little amounts of people), It's just pain and suffering all over again. My body refuses to be around strangers.
Your life sounds pretty great if you ask me. It sounds like you're happy.
When's the last time you did something to make someone else happy? Like your parents. It sounds like they really love you. Do you love them back? They do a LOT for you. Do you ever do nice things for them?
My parents are the best. They treat me with respect and love me very much. And I do love them back. But have I done anything nice for them? Not really. I do a few choirs around the house here and there, but that's about it. I never get them presents or anything for birthdays or Christmas, because I can't go out without risking panic attacks.