Been living as a shut in since 1999. - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-12-2011, 08:40 PM
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Your life sounds pretty great if you ask me. It sounds like you're happy.

When's the last time you did something to make someone else happy? Like your parents. It sounds like they really love you. Do you love them back? They do a LOT for you. Do you ever do nice things for them?
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post #42 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-12-2011, 09:15 PM Thread Starter
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I appreciate all the replies and most of you talking about your own lives. I'm reading every word.

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Originally Posted by ambergris View Post
I think becoming a shut-in is about more than social anxiety. Basically, at eighteen, you made the choice not to grow up. You pressed the pause button on your life because you didn't believe you could cope with adulthood.

I'm just wondering: were your parents controlling or overprotective when you were a kid? Because if your parents have been running your entire life from birth, the idea of going it alone is pretty terrifying, and you're probably not going to feel capable of it.
I don't really feel like they were controlling. More like the never pushed me. Instead of going on a 5th grade week long camping trip, I didn't want to go, so I didn't. I tried to learn how to swim, nearly drowned, then they never pushed me to try anymore. I took Karate and earned a few belts, but didn't like fighting/sparring with the other kids, so I quit, again they didn't push me. I was an extremely stubborn kid when I was young. All I wanted to do was sit in my room and play video games. They wanted me to have some kind of extracurricular activity, and I didn't. Eventually I joined the band/marching band though, cause that was finally something I liked. But I did not like the marching band stuff. But I put up with it because it was better than taking Physical Education (P.E.). That was my worst fear. I was thought to have some kind of learning disability in elementary school, so I had basically no challenge all the way through high school. I was getting exempted from all major tests and the tests I did do were always "dumbed" down a few grade levels.

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One way I differ is that I graduated from college. Really the only reason I went to college was because it was the expected thing to do. Society sold me a pile of BS about the value of college. College also gave me a viable excuse for not getting any job from 1991-1995, as my job was student. Also, being a student was what I'd been trained to do and it was simply the natural progression from HS.

Then I graduated in May 1995 and I had a business degree. OK, now what? I wasn't able to answer that simple question, and now I sit here still living with my mother at the age of 38.

Interesting that you've never consumed alcohol. I never drank either till I was over the age of 30, so one can be a late bloomer. Now I drink virtually ever damn night (alone). I don't go to bars, as bars are where one might go with friends and I don't have any of them in real life.
Yeah, not once in my life, even now, do I know what I would like to do for a living. So that's another reason why I didn't want to go to college. I didn't know what I wanted to study for. Of course that's just one of the many reasons I didn't go, main reason being I was far too afraid, my social anxieties were beginning to come out much stronger, ect. I couldn't stand the thought of driving more than a few miles away from my house. I had so much crap going on in my mind at that time, that I would just go into panic attacks just thinking about it.

Yeah, I don't ever plan on ever drinking. That was something that was engraved in my head when I was in kindergarten. Alcohol is bad for you. So yeah, I'm never going to drink. I've never had even a slight temptation to try. It's just not for me. I don't have any friends or anything so I never go out to bars or anything like that either. I'm pretty much at home 24/7/365.

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Agreed, kon.

This breaks my heart. If not for a few lucky breaks, who knows, maybe I could be standing in your shoes. I am puzzled by your assertion you are happy and don't desire change. Is this something you have tell yourself in order to keep going? This seems excruciating. I hope you can find a way into the outside, if that's what you truly desire. Take care.
Well, I truly am happy. I feel like I'm a 13 year old on permanent summer vacation. I sleep as long as I want, I get 3 meals a day, I watch TV, play video games, watch anime. Life couldn't be better.

But I do understand that this is not a healthy life and this lifestyle will not last forever. But I don't care. I just don't care. I feel bad being a human leech, but not bad enough to change. It's too hard to change because anytime I do go out in public (even to a place with very little amounts of people), It's just pain and suffering all over again. My body refuses to be around strangers.

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Your life sounds pretty great if you ask me. It sounds like you're happy.

When's the last time you did something to make someone else happy? Like your parents. It sounds like they really love you. Do you love them back? They do a LOT for you. Do you ever do nice things for them?
My parents are the best. They treat me with respect and love me very much. And I do love them back. But have I done anything nice for them? Not really. I do a few choirs around the house here and there, but that's about it. I never get them presents or anything for birthdays or Christmas, because I can't go out without risking panic attacks.
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post #43 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 01:27 AM
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well since my cat threw up on my bed at 3 am ive been up reading this. Very interesting read I have to say and I can also relate to much of what you said. I really dont want to work and I can see myself being a shut in socially as I really dont talk to anyone outside of my family. I enjoy nature, thunderstorms, the night sky ect. ect. and I like to get out and enjoy it by myself. Besides that Im not to bothered by not socializing because the anxiety makes it very unpleasant at times so I have been avoiding it alot the past years without much worrying about it. The whole drinking/partying thing doesnt interest me much eathier and I dont care for it.
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post #44 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 03:51 AM
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holy cow. i feel bad for you brotha. The only thing I can recommend is remember, you only live once. Is this the way you want to live? You are ALMOST past your prime in life. Why not try to enjoy the many wonders of life that everybody else has enjoyed?
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post #45 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 05:03 AM
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. It's great not having any responsibilities. I know it will end someday but everything ends eventually anyway. I just don't care about the idea of having a full time job, paying bills, buying food at the grocery store, being around people socially, all that crap is awful sounding to me. .
I thought I had problems before reading all these posts, but now I have decided I am fine,
You are putting your head in the sand if you really think its allright not having any responsibilities. You dont care about not working, paying bills etc, but guess what? This is the real world, You cant spend your life depending on your parents. I would love for someone else to be paying my bills, paying my rent. No body works because they want to. Most people work because they HAVE to. Take your frigging head out of the sand and start being responsible. No welfare syustem will look after you when your partents are dead.
Maybe you think I am not terribly sympathetic to you, I do feel sorry for you being in your situation, I am horrified that a person can become like you. You also comment that your parents pushed you to do some things and then seemingly gave up. Well you also have to take responsiblilty for that too. I know what it feels like to not want to go out. I hate being sociable. I could spend my life being anti social tyo, but thats NOT REALISTIC. You say you are happy being as you are, but get some help, because you cannot live your life opting out of all responsibilities. At the very least. Bloody hell!!!
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post #46 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 05:51 AM
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Are you sure you dont have other health isues besides the celiac? Do you eat enough calories a day?
Do eat a lot of sugar?, because that can mess up your bloodsugar level which can cause anxiety. Also stop using caffeine if you drink coffee, tea, soda.
I think its also importent you quit all things that are addictive. If you play video games all day. Stop it, if you watch television all day, stop it. Just try it for one week. See if you feel any different. Maybe you are way to much into "daydreaming/nonreality/videotelevisioninternetgamereality". Step out of that fake world. After about one week try to leave the house for something as going to a grocery store. Before you go make sure you have eaten enough.

Just try it.

edit: I think you have to realize there is something you dont know about in life! You have never seen the other side of life. Find out where you will be easily accepted, then go do that. If you think you are accepted LAN-party then go to one.
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post #47 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 05:54 AM
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Originally Posted by amfsew40 View Post
I thought I had problems before reading all these posts, but now I have decided I am fine,
You are putting your head in the sand if you really think its allright not having any responsibilities. You dont care about not working, paying bills etc, but guess what? This is the real world, You cant spend your life depending on your parents. I would love for someone else to be paying my bills, paying my rent. No body works because they want to. Most people work because they HAVE to. Take your frigging head out of the sand and start being responsible. No welfare syustem will look after you when your partents are dead.
Maybe you think I am not terribly sympathetic to you, I do feel sorry for you being in your situation, I am horrified that a person can become like you. You also comment that your parents pushed you to do some things and then seemingly gave up. Well you also have to take responsiblilty for that too. I know what it feels like to not want to go out. I hate being sociable. I could spend my life being anti social tyo, but thats NOT REALISTIC. You say you are happy being as you are, but get some help, because you cannot live your life opting out of all responsibilities. At the very least. Bloody hell!!!
I don't think it helps him if you make him aware of things like paying bills etc. A person without a life doesn't care about such "external"things. He needs a motivation to start live again. He needs to get back in touch with his feelings.
All the things like, working, paying bills has no meaning to some one like him. I think he wouldn't do anything if his house where on fire. He needs the joy of life. Then he can handle and make sure about things like money etc.
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post #48 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 10:30 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by TiNGxPoPs View Post
holy cow. i feel bad for you brotha. The only thing I can recommend is remember, you only live once. Is this the way you want to live? You are ALMOST past your prime in life. Why not try to enjoy the many wonders of life that everybody else has enjoyed?
I really don't look at it as "I'm missing out on life"... I'm living the way I want to. It feels completely natural to live this way for me. Everyone always wonders what they want to be when they grow up. I want to be a shut in.

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Are you sure you dont have other health isues besides the celiac? Do you eat enough calories a day?
Do eat a lot of sugar?, because that can mess up your bloodsugar level which can cause anxiety. Also stop using caffeine if you drink coffee, tea, soda.
I think its also importent you quit all things that are addictive. If you play video games all day. Stop it, if you watch television all day, stop it. Just try it for one week. See if you feel any different. Maybe you are way to much into "daydreaming/nonreality/videotelevisioninternetgamereality". Step out of that fake world. After about one week try to leave the house for something as going to a grocery store. Before you go make sure you have eaten enough.

Just try it.

edit: I think you have to realize there is something you dont know about in life! You have never seen the other side of life. Find out where you will be easily accepted, then go do that. If you think you are accepted LAN-party then go to one.
No I stay away from sugars. I don't drink coffee, tea, or soda. I only drink water, and have been for at least 10-12 years. I believe I may have something wrong with my thyroid. I burn lots of calories just sitting doing nothing, which is why I am so skinny and can't gain any weight. But yet again, I just don't care to go to the doctor. I hate taking medications. I don't even take over the counter stuff for the occasional headache or anything like that. I'm probably one of the most clean people on earth when it comes to meds.

I don't really think I am addicted to video games or tv or anything. I just do that stuff because I have nothing else to do. I can and have just sat around doing other things besides those and didn't feel like I was craving anything. I've dedicated days where I'll just clean the house the entire day and not watch any TV/play any games, and I was fine. I do yard work during the summer (just our house). An addict would push things aside or forget to do other things, I'm never this way. I'm pretty OCD so I keep up with the things my parents want me to do around the house.

If anything I'm addicted this lifestyle as a whole, because I refuse to change. But I'd rather die than change. Put me in a mental hospital in a straight jacket and padded room. I'm not changing. My panic attacks don't help either. I know I'm absolutely screwed up in the head. I just don't care.
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post #49 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:06 PM
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I really don't look at it as "I'm missing out on life"... I'm living the way I want to. It feels completely natural to live this way for me. Everyone always wonders what they want to be when they grow up. I want to be a shut in.



No I stay away from sugars. I don't drink coffee, tea, or soda. I only drink water, and have been for at least 10-12 years. I believe I may have something wrong with my thyroid. I burn lots of calories just sitting doing nothing, which is why I am so skinny and can't gain any weight. But yet again, I just don't care to go to the doctor. I hate taking medications. I don't even take over the counter stuff for the occasional headache or anything like that. I'm probably one of the most clean people on earth when it comes to meds.

I don't really think I am addicted to video games or tv or anything. I just do that stuff because I have nothing else to do. I can and have just sat around doing other things besides those and didn't feel like I was craving anything. I've dedicated days where I'll just clean the house the entire day and not watch any TV/play any games, and I was fine. I do yard work during the summer (just our house). An addict would push things aside or forget to do other things, I'm never this way. I'm pretty OCD so I keep up with the things my parents want me to do around the house.

If anything I'm addicted this lifestyle as a whole, because I refuse to change. But I'd rather die than change. Put me in a mental hospital in a straight jacket and padded room. I'm not changing. My panic attacks don't help either. I know I'm absolutely screwed up in the head. I just don't care.
But why do you think you get panic attacks? Do you have low self-esteem?
Do you care what other people think of you?
Do you remember why you started a "shut in"life when you're 18?
And why don't you care enough about your health to go to a doctor? Ok you said that you don't want to take medicines but is this the only reason. Isn't smarter to first go to a doctor?
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post #50 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:17 PM
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Aww poor thing, I understand how you feel. I have been more or less a shut in sense the age of 16 (when I started my homeschooling) and now I am 19 and have never had a job, started college, or learned to drive. I am currently doing things to change where my life is at and become a nurse, I hope that works out.



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post #51 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:34 PM
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You sound like a Schizoid with Agoraphobia to me.

But that seems a little too easy to say. You mentioned that you aren't truly happy. That to me, makes me want to say that you are suppressing your emotions, & I think maybe a round of CBT could really benefit you. Of course, I'm fully aware that you're not going to do it just because I say you should. You have to want to change.
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post #52 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:36 PM
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This advice is small, and not very constructive, but I'd say get out of your house for a week and do anything outside, only come back to sleep? You'll realise how fun you can have out there.
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post #53 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
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But why do you think you get panic attacks? Do you have low self-esteem?
Do you care what other people think of you?
Do you remember why you started a "shut in"life when you're 18?
And why don't you care enough about your health to go to a doctor? Ok you said that you don't want to take medicines but is this the only reason. Isn't smarter to first go to a doctor?
Yeah I do have extremely low self-esteem, depression, SA disorder (was diagnosed with this), when ever I see people in public, I automatically think they are judging me and looking down at me. All I feel is hate towards myself. All of this leads to me having insane panic attacks. Then as I am having the panic attacks, I know I'm drawing in more attention, so that makes it even worse.

Do I remember why I became a shut in? Well, I had just quit my job. I didn't want to get another job and I was too scared to go to college because I didn't think I could handle it. Plus I hated the idea of having to drive somewhere far from home. Whenever I did drive, I never went anywhere but to school and to work, which were both close to home, the place I worked at was right across the street from my school. I'm am extremely scared of driving.

So basically, I just started living a shut in's live at that point. My parents took me to see doctors and psychiatrists and I was given anti-depression meds and stuff, but that only made me feel worse as at one point I just stayed in bed for like 4 days straight not eating and feeling extremely dead in my mind. We tried different medications and those also just made me more depressed instead of less. So we gave up on the idea that I could be fixed. So then I just live the way I am because it's the only thing I can do without feeling pain/depression.

Living like this for 12 years, I've never felt depressed but only a few times this entire time. I've just learned to enjoy being this way. It's just the way I am suppose to be.

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This advice is small, and not very constructive, but I'd say get out of your house for a week and do anything outside, only come back to sleep? You'll realise how fun you can have out there.
Can't really do this. I don't drive, don't have a car, and where I live, there's nothing to do within walking distance. I have no friends or anyone to hang out with. There's really no point in going outside for me. And as I said before, just being around people automatically puts me in extreme stress and I go into panic attacks. You're basically telling me "Go walk on lava, it'll be fun!" No thanks.
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post #54 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:49 PM
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i cant understand selfish ppl
yeah, and lots of people don't understand trolls

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I thought I had problems before reading all these posts, but now I have decided I am fine
Awesome, that means you can stop posting and go away.
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post #55 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 12:59 PM
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Like I said in my opening post, I don't want to change. I like living this way. It's great not having any responsibilities. I know it will end someday but everything ends eventually anyway. I just don't care about the idea of having a full time job, paying bills, buying food at the grocery store, being around people socially, all that crap is awful sounding to me. My panic attacks basically keep me from doing anything socially anyway and I refuse to take medication. I'm quite content right were I am.
But are you really? I am in your exact same situation and I consider my life a nightmare.

It sounds like you are suffering. You say one thing but i can't help but think you are truly feeling something else. Maybe i am wrong. maybe i am just projecting too much.
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post #56 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 01:00 PM
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i cant understand selfish ppl
It's not selfishness. It's fear. That's what anxiety is mostly about.
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post #57 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 01:05 PM
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Yeah I do have extremely low self-esteem, depression, SA disorder (was diagnosed with this), when ever I see people in public, I automatically think they are judging me and looking down at me. All I feel is hate towards myself. All of this leads to me having insane panic attacks. Then as I am having the panic attacks, I know I'm drawing in more attention, so that makes it even worse.

Do I remember why I became a shut in? Well, I had just quit my job. I didn't want to get another job and I was too scared to go to college because I didn't think I could handle it. Plus I hated the idea of having to drive somewhere far from home. Whenever I did drive, I never went anywhere but to school and to work, which were both close to home, the place I worked at was right across the street from my school. I'm am extremely scared of driving.

So basically, I just started living a shut in's live at that point. My parents took me to see doctors and psychiatrists and I was given anti-depression meds and stuff, but that only made me feel worse as at one point I just stayed in bed for like 4 days straight not eating and feeling extremely dead in my mind. We tried different medications and those also just made me more depressed instead of less. So we gave up on the idea that I could be fixed. So then I just live the way I am because it's the only thing I can do without feeling pain/depression.

Living like this for 12 years, I've never felt depressed but only a few times this entire time. I've just learned to enjoy being this way. It's just the way I am suppose to be.



Can't really do this. I don't drive, don't have a car, and where I live, there's nothing to do within walking distance. I have no friends or anyone to hang out with. There's really no point in going outside for me. And as I said before, just being around people automatically puts me in extreme stress and I go into panic attacks. You're basically telling me "Go walk on lava, it'll be fun!" No thanks.
Oh damn, sorry about that. :/
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post #58 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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But are you really? I am in your exact same situation and I consider my life a nightmare.

It sounds like you are suffering. You say one thing but i can't help but think you are truly feeling something else. Maybe i am wrong. maybe i am just projecting too much.
Well in the sense of pure human judgment, I know what I am doing is wrong and this is not the way a person should live. In that sense, I am not happy. I do sometimes lay In bed wishing I could be normal.

But in reality, I enjoy having this life of nothingness. I remember what it was like to have responsibilities when I was in High school and when I had a job. It was a lot of work and I hated every moment of it. I realize everyone works and not everyone loves their job, but this was on a different level for me. I truly hated that lifestyle to the point that I probably would have killed myself had I not became a shut in. It was that bad.

I'm not sure exactly what brought on the extreme stress and panic attacks, but that stuff started happening soon after I quit my job. It was like my body was screaming at me that I need to just stay away from adult life and live as a child.

Maybe I am suppressing feeling as some of you say, I don't really know.
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post #59 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 01:31 PM
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So your "shut in " is caused by social anxiety/ low self esteem. Do you agree with that?
You also realize this is not a normal life. Ok you said you're happy but being happy doesn't mean that you must keep your life unchanged. (also I almost can't believe you're truly happy, I think you don't even know what really being happy means)

Don't you think that fixing the cause of all of this. Focusing on how to fix the low self esteem, anxiety is your main job at this point?
You shouldn't focus so much on the results of all and what possible results can happen in the future. Because that is not going to help you anything.
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post #60 of 563 (permalink) Old 06-13-2011, 01:51 PM Thread Starter
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So your "shut in " is caused by social anxiety/ low self esteem. Do you agree with that?
You also realize this is not a normal life. Ok you said you're happy but being happy doesn't mean that you must keep your life unchanged. (also I almost can't believe you're truly happy, I think you don't even know what really being happy means)

Don't you think that fixing the cause of all of this. Focusing on how to fix the low self esteem, anxiety is your main job at this point?
You shouldn't focus so much on the results of all and what possible results can happen in the future. Because that is not going to help you anything.
You're right, I don't know what true happiness feels like. I'm living in some fake happiness realm right here. But this is the best I can get without effort. I don't know but, I think I'm afraid of success, I'm afraid of true happiness, I'm afraid of accomplishment, I'm afraid of so many things that would lead to a normal life. I'm afraid of having a normal life. I'm too scared of everything to even bother trying. I just want to stay in my bubble forever. Then when there's nobody left to take care of me, throw me in a mental hospital so I can be in a padded room to rot the rest of my life away. Or I will commit suicide like I've said before.

You're all right, I can't really be happy if I've been contemplating suicide for the last few years. But that's just my trump card once my parents are no longer around, or if they decide to kick me out someday. It's a total last resort. I believe most people that do kill themselves don't do it because they want to, they just feel that they have no other choice, a last resort. That's how I see it, and that's the way I'm living.
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