Assuming That People Won't Like You - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-29-2020, 02:43 AM
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That is how I feel all the time!

And it's usually true. I get so anxious meeting people because from the start they already have an aversion to me. I see it on their face.
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post #22 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-29-2020, 09:10 PM
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I'm not assuming, it's pretty obvious.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #23 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-29-2020, 10:34 PM
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I definitely go into situations already conceding to the fact that I'm probably not going to vibe well with the other person. But that's mainly due to a history of terrible first impressions on my part, and even worse seconds.

Painting moments with words never been
I stay patient
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post #24 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 12:13 PM
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Whether they like me or not, life will go on, I will live...so it doesn't really matter. It's nice when you can feel accepted though.

I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
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post #25 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 01:00 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
That is how I feel all the time!

And it's usually true. I get so anxious meeting people because from the start they already have an aversion to me. I see it on their face.
In my experience there is a vicious circle involved in this. I know what you mean by '' see it on their face '', but be careful you don't reach a stage where you are begin to look for people's reactions when interacting with them. People can pick up on that sometimes because a lot of human communication is non verbal. I've often put pressure on people when interacting with them, and they can tell that something is off. So I've learnt to just stay calm on the outside and not let my inner monologue leak out to whatever I'm doing externally.
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post #26 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 02:38 PM
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People out there generally won't like or dislike you unless you give them a reason to do so.

The self-fulfilling prophecy is very powerful. If you believe you are disliked, you will do actions that make it become true. And you will communicate this to those around you through many ways.
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post #27 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 03:03 PM
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I think it's mainly because we don't like ourselves, our physical body at least, heres one of my theorie's, so bodies are pretty obnoxious from a perfect celestial being point of view.

So maybe if we have a soul there's some sort of detachment going on, we didn't fuse perfectly like most do, so we still have the ability to judge ourselves harshly for being a gross meatsack with vile thoughts sometimes, so project that outwards becoming a self fullfilling prophesy . 🤔






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #28 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 04:27 PM
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Takes a while with some people, not necessarily immediate. I have a terrible personality but that's not going to come across straight away.

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You've been talking to the wall
Everybody is dead in this house

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You never wanted to be born
Everybody is dead in this house

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post #29 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 01:32 AM
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Thankfully I feel a bit different now. Some pple will like me, some won't- for a variety of reasons. And that's ok. It makes no difference to my quality of life, as long as they remain respectful. And I can remove myself or otherwise handle the situation if they dont.

Miles to go before I sleep. Vale.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #30 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 02:04 AM
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Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
I think I feel this way because I'm aware of traits that I'm lacking. I assume the lack of these traits makes me unlikable
I liked you from the get go.
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post #31 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 03:39 AM
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It's sad to see so many people on here that have a problem with this. I guess it's obviously because of many situations in the past - where people have misread your awkwardness, anxiety, maybe inability to hold a conversation etc and have reacted badly to it.

Not really surprising that you would start to think everyone will react in that way to you in the future. Would do terrible things to your self-esteem as well of course.

Normally we have a reasonably healthy number of people show us they like us and enjoy our company. That's been my experience anyway. I can certainly feel a bit embarassed about certain aspects of my life - but I would never automatically assume someone will dislike me straight off. That would be unlikely. And if I found out later they did I don't think I'd actually care too much - merely because I've had lots of people that do.
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post #32 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 06:31 AM
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self perception vs other's perception


I tend to think of it as a common occurrence, although my perspective is colored by my own experience.

Lucius Apuleis, who lived in Ancient Rome from 124 to 170 A.D., was quoted as saying 'Familiarity breeds contempt, while rarity wins admiration' although the quote has been used by many, many times over the years. His is the earliest reference that I could find.

In relation to this, I have often been quiet and attentive in conversations. although this leads many to confabulate theories as to why I am silent and less boastful than others. I have been perceived by others to be self important, conceited, having a lack of self esteem, and even going so far as alluding that I am gay for my modest approach to life, haha

This, in turn, has led me to another quote which I am more comfortable with, although I cannot find an early reference to this one:

"What Other People Think of Me is None of My Business"

When it comes to other peoples opinion about me, it is usually a projection of themselves that they are seeing, especially when they have no other true observations to make. Many attempt to elevate their own lives by degrading others. But we are all simple animals with emotions that lead us into wrong decisions at times, no one of us leads a perfect existence, as if there were such a thing. We are constantly ebbing and flowing through our lives to accommodate the varied circumstance that makes up our existence. Any attempt to portray ourselves as some resemblance of perfection is just a story we tell ourselves and others.

When I apply the 'familiarity breeds contempt' to my own thought processes, it is true that everyone has underlying shame concerning some part of their life, whether valid or not. I try to refrain from judging others when they become familiar enough to expose those shameful portions of their lives. We are all human and we have all taken missteps in our lives or had a unique view on things related to our personal experience.

I sometimes use this fact as a test of genuine relationship and expose those things for which I am ashamed just to see if the other person will use it to gain some type of self perceived leverage over me. If they do, then its time to move on to different friends. I've often been disappointed by those I considered close friends, but find its better to discover that nature sooner than later.
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post #33 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 07:51 AM
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I feel the same way, not because I’m a bad person or rude or anything but I feel like people won’t like me because I’m quiet. I won’t be fun/outgoing enough for them. Therefore they won’t want to be around me.
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post #34 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 09:15 AM
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So this happened ~


Person #1: Who wants to go to the store with me
Me: I will
Person #1: No I want someone good to go
Person #2: I'll go
Person #1: Okay
Me: wtf

Also: folks will turn to say something and when they see it's me they will refrain from saying it and find someone else to talk to, because evidently I'm not worth their breath or time. It's things like these that make me think people don't like me.
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post #35 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-03-2020, 05:29 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meat_popsicle View Post
I tend to think of it as a common occurrence, although my perspective is colored by my own experience.

Lucius Apuleis, who lived in Ancient Rome from 124 to 170 A.D., was quoted as saying 'Familiarity breeds contempt, while rarity wins admiration' although the quote has been used by many, many times over the years. His is the earliest reference that I could find.

In relation to this, I have often been quiet and attentive in conversations. although this leads many to confabulate theories as to why I am silent and less boastful than others. I have been perceived by others to be self important, conceited, having a lack of self esteem, and even going so far as alluding that I am gay for my modest approach to life, haha

This, in turn, has led me to another quote which I am more comfortable with, although I cannot find an early reference to this one:

"What Other People Think of Me is None of My Business"

When it comes to other peoples opinion about me, it is usually a projection of themselves that they are seeing, especially when they have no other true observations to make. Many attempt to elevate their own lives by degrading others. But we are all simple animals with emotions that lead us into wrong decisions at times, no one of us leads a perfect existence, as if there were such a thing. We are constantly ebbing and flowing through our lives to accommodate the varied circumstance that makes up our existence. Any attempt to portray ourselves as some resemblance of perfection is just a story we tell ourselves and others.

When I apply the 'familiarity breeds contempt' to my own thought processes, it is true that everyone has underlying shame concerning some part of their life, whether valid or not. I try to refrain from judging others when they become familiar enough to expose those shameful portions of their lives. We are all human and we have all taken missteps in our lives or had a unique view on things related to our personal experience.

I sometimes use this fact as a test of genuine relationship and expose those things for which I am ashamed just to see if the other person will use it to gain some type of self perceived leverage over me. If they do, then its time to move on to different friends. I've often been disappointed by those I considered close friends, but find its better to discover that nature sooner than later.
Well you're playing 4D chess here when it comes to socializing.

What's an example of when you use the ' familiarity breeds contempt ' to test a relationship?

Also sometimes I think the opposite of this holds true. Familiarity can also breed comfort. Contempt can come from alienation.....or not feeling at home with something.
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post #36 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-03-2020, 05:31 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigfoot Lives View Post
Person #1: Who wants to go to the store with me
Me: I will
Person #1: No I want someone good to go
Person #2: I'll go
Person #1: Okay
Me: wtf

Also: folks will turn to say something and when they see it's me they will refrain from saying it and find someone else to talk to, because evidently I'm not worth their breath or time. It's things like these that make me think people don't like me.
Damn. Did someone actually say that out loud? Who does that!?

I also have sometimes noticed that people will turn to say something and refrain from talking to me. It used to happen in school a lot but I always just assumed that that person was just looking for his friend to talk to, and not me because I was more of a stranger to them.
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post #37 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-04-2020, 11:27 PM
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Interesting thread
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post #38 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-05-2020, 12:40 AM
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Quote:
Person #1: Who wants to go to the store with me
Me: I will
Person #1: No I want someone good to go
Person #2: I'll go
Person #1: Okay
Me: wtf

So spot on..

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #39 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-06-2020, 06:21 AM
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I should qualify what I said about revealing my own shame to test a relationship and how it relates to 'familiarity breeds contempt'. This is not a planned response, for me. This is something which occurs organically as a relationship develops. Exposing weaknesses is a natural progression in establishing trust. If you can't expose your weaknesses and trust another with the knowledge of those weaknesses, then they are not trustworthy.

The phrase 'familiarity breeds contempt' reflects those type of relationships. A true, close relationship will accept your weaknesses and not use them against you.

Unfortunately, many expect perfection in others while accepting their own faults. In turn many will not admit fault, because they feel it exposes weaknesses.
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post #40 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-06-2020, 08:01 AM
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Very common. Most of the time i think people will think i'm boring and not like me. Most of the time i'm right though.😿
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