Are you still afraid of the opposite sex? - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-23-2018, 09:31 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Moses Chol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 175

Are you still afraid of the opposite sex?


I'm just curious has anyone overcame their SA of the opposite (OR same) sex?
I'm a male and have bad SA around girls. It's hard for me to just have a regular convo with females. With guys i virtually feel zero anxiety and say whatever i want. I have never had a real female friend, only guy friends.
Have you overcame or improved fear of opposite (OR same) sex? This goes for men and women with this problem
Moses Chol is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-23-2018, 09:53 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 52
Posts: 212
I'm perfectly okay talking with a woman in a social setting, but I can't bring myself to be intimate with them. The anticipatory anxiety is just too much and I end up practicing avoidance. It sometimes feels like I'll only have women as friends, but I keep trying.
jhinds is online now  
post #3 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-23-2018, 10:10 PM
SAS Member
 
komorikun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Language: 英語と日本語
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,978
In general, men do make me more nervous than women. Attractive guys especially.

As for dating/romantic stuff, I need alcohol until I get comfortable with the guy, which can take weeks.

Kitty Therapy

The Meaning of Life

The Grim Reaper

We're going riding on the freeway......
komorikun is offline  
post #4 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 07:25 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Iran
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,512
Same here. Virtually paralized around girls. Not much anxiety around guys.

Tho recently I've been very quiet around guys but I think that's mostly because of my increased general contempt for the humankind rather than anxiety.
Posted via Mobile Device
Kilgore Trout is offline  
post #5 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 08:25 AM
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
 
Maslow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Denver
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,512
I'm afraid of everybody.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
Maslow is offline  
post #6 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 10:20 AM
♎Mackinac Island Fanatic
 
tehuti88's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: At the bottom of Lake Algonquin (Michigan)
Language: English
Gender: Female
Age: 42
Posts: 27,016
My Mood: Crappy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maslow View Post
I'm afraid of everybody.
Ditto. :/ It's strange to me when people talk about their anxiety around the opposite sex* because my SA has never been "selective" like that, EVERYBODY frightens me.

However, I tend to be judged more harshly by men in general, so in the past few years I've developed some additional fears related to the opposite sex, for example, I'm less inclined to joke around with them lest my intentions be misunderstood. I also don't compliment their looks anymore because that seems to make them really uncomfortable.


*I'm not casting doubt on this type of anxiety, just that I've never experienced it. I wish I felt comfortable around women. The truth is, I can't identify with most of them, I don't really feel like a woman, so that opens up a whole new dimension of anxiety.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
tehuti88 is offline  
post #7 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 09:45 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Moses Chol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 175
Has anyone here overcame their fear of the opposite sex? can you explain how it happens and how are thing now.
Moses Chol is offline  
post #8 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-24-2018, 09:50 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Moses Chol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by komorikun View Post
In general, men do make me more nervous than women. Attractive guys especially.

As for dating/romantic stuff, I need alcohol until I get comfortable with the guy, which can take weeks.
I understand women can be nervious of guys but i don't understand how that is possible. You guys seem like you don't have nothing to be worried about since we always have to be the one to do the social work.
Moses Chol is offline  
post #9 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-25-2018, 08:29 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: UK
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 25
I'm anxious talking to anybody but probably am more anxious with the opposite sex. I guess I grew up with more female friends than male and obviously SA made it hard for me to date so that didn't help much either! It's silly though, because regardless of gender we're all just people at the end of the day.
lina1202 is offline  
post #10 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-25-2018, 09:36 AM
♎Mackinac Island Fanatic
 
tehuti88's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: At the bottom of Lake Algonquin (Michigan)
Language: English
Gender: Female
Age: 42
Posts: 27,016
My Mood: Crappy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses Chol View Post
I understand women can be nervious of guys but i don't understand how that is possible. You guys seem like you don't have nothing to be worried about since we always have to be the one to do the social work.
...And there it is. "Why are you women anxious about anything?--you don't have to do any of the hard work of socializing, people will just come to you!" I guess we don't really suffer from SA, either...

This is why I usually refrain from answering the threads of male users I'm unfamiliar with, especially when they discuss gender. (Re: the judgement from guys I mentioned earlier, guess my post was missed. It's standard for unfamiliar guys to ignore me when I mention such things.) I was dumb, thought this thread wouldn't be like that. My bad. Again.

Bolded: That really isn't true for many unattractive, socially anxious women, you know. Guys don't bother very much to approach us. (IRL, no guys have EVER approached me with sincere interest once in my life. And in almost 20 years online, maybe two or three guys have expressed interest in me...and each one of them was merely joking at my expense. They ridiculed me for taking them seriously.) And if we bother approaching them, they either ignore us, or express pity ("You're not my type, but I'm sure somebody will like you") or outright disgust. (I've lost count of how many SA/FA guys have ridiculed and trolled me. But I have hundreds of screen captures.)


Feel free to ignore or disbelieve me, I'm used to that by now.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
tehuti88 is offline  
post #11 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-25-2018, 10:51 AM
SAS Member
 
Ms kim's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2017
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Posts: 1,563
My Mood: Fine
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses Chol View Post
Has anyone here overcame their fear of the opposite sex? can you explain how it happens and how are thing now.
For me, the reason why there was anxiety on my part was because I wanted to make myself attractive in order to gain their attention.

But trying to impress a guy is hard work. Spending hours trying to look pretty... trying to be a fake version of myself... worrying and worrying, and worrying that the mask of trying to be pretty, or perfect will fade away and the real imperfect me will come out. It was burdensome. A heavy load I was unable to bear.

I don't concern myself with such things anymore. I just try to be myself and so it's less stressful for me because I'm not trying to impress any of the males I come across.

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
-Joseph M. Scriven
Ms kim is offline  
post #12 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-25-2018, 10:58 AM
(K)Joe + Joi
 
Solomoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Georgia
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,036
I'm bad at socializing with both genders. Sometimes men are more intimidating, sometimes women, depends on a lot of factors.

"Even when you're hopeless, hope is all you have." - Fear The Walking Dead

"The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to." - Carl Sandburg
Solomoon is offline  
post #13 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-25-2018, 10:59 AM
pirate
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 5,979
My Mood: Amazed
strangers, flatmates, colleagues, etc cause me anxiety. friends are usually ok. dating only gives me a normal amount of anxiety cos it has pretty clear rules. I'm still learning how to have friends... but most of my friends have been girls anyway.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is online now  
post #14 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-26-2018, 09:47 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Moses Chol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
strangers, flatmates, colleagues, etc cause me anxiety. friends are usually ok. dating only gives me a normal amount of anxiety cos it has pretty clear rules. I'm still learning how to have friends... but most of my friends have been girls anyway.
Are you a guy? that's crazy that you have more female friends.....i kinda envy you damn...
Moses Chol is offline  
post #15 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-26-2018, 11:49 PM
pirate
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 5,979
My Mood: Amazed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moses Chol View Post
Are you a guy? that's crazy that you have more female friends.....i kinda envy you damn...
it's not that crazy if you only ever had a few friends. am i a guy? that's a good question.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is online now  
post #16 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 12:20 AM
SAS Member
 
ShadowOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,544
i tend to see/notice trends, and this is one i cant really wrap my head around. In general, I'm nervous around 75% of all people regardless of age/gender/whatever, put them to the side

But then i'm weirdly most comfortable around women, especially ones that generally like to interact with guys more-so than girls, in a platonic setting. Can't fully explain why...doesnt feel like i'm trying to impress anyone, but theyre also more lax than guys and dont talk about the stereotypical guy topics that bore me (chicks, bro!). In my experience, they've just been a bit more chill and open minded and talk about a wide range of topics

Then guys are second by a while. nerdier the better. But i just dont really like talking about anything and everything with most guys. like i always have to have this facade up. like, guys would never discuss some mental issue problem because it's a form of weakness

Relationships and girls is borderline impossible for me. I hate myself and find myself ugly/boring/stupid, so there's pretty much zero confidence in that. Even if someone seems to like me, it's not enough because I just feel like they only like me because i managed to hide my negative qualities well enough. I also worry about not having all of the information and jumping into something and regretting it.

a
ShadowOne is offline  
post #17 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 12:59 AM
Mr Bean Stig Soldier
 
twitchy666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Berkshire
Language: ASCII, T-SQL
Gender: Male
Age: 43
Posts: 7,896
My Mood: Angry

wasn't before. only later


after dismal rejections

when layered heaps of paint all over their face!

humans behave negatively, nasty, cruel, rude to me

i don't do that to them

but all the damage of hatred dosed out at me without reason

I don't cause hate. all built up inside them

want pick a fight with me or truce?

ugly side of society: experience of what happens between people all life.. then next person in front of us, carrying all the good or bad history to dish this out to them
twitchy666 is offline  
post #18 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 05:22 AM
Permanent identity crisis
 
SparklingWater's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Age: 32
Posts: 3,156
No. No difference between them.
SparklingWater is offline  
post #19 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 06:59 AM
SAS Member
 
McCloud90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: London, England
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 74
My Mood: Brooding
It's less about gender than it is my perception of how they perceive me. In order from most severe anxiety to the least:

1. Alpha males, or 'manly men'. I feel most judged by these for not being confident/useless at man-tasks, and I feel that they are most likely to say something that calls attention to it or ridicule me.

2. Attractive women showing me any form of attention. The worst is when they are sexually attracted to me because then I feel that I'm supposed to do something, but any attention sets me off, even platonic.

3. Normal or 'Beta males'. I would describe most men as this. I still feel useless/judged as with the alphas as I'm awful at all manly activities and can't relate to them, but they are less likely to say something.

4. Unattractive women. I can function almost normally around them and I find this group of people easy enough to befriend, I've always had female friends.

5. Mature people (say 45 +). I'm great with mature folks as I come across as eloquent and respectful in my speech, pretty much all of my friends' parents think I'm great, and mature women love to mother me.

6. Nerdy men. These are my people, social anxiety is rife among this crowd and even the socially normal ones tend to be less judgmental than everyone else. I feel absolutely fine around these guys and can even dominate the conversation with them, hell I'll usually start a very candid discussion about social anxiety and my issues with them. My current group of friends are all cut some the same cloth, we all routinely reference our anxiety and take the piss out of ourselves.

So for me it's alpha males that are the worst, no idea how to deal with them at all, and they can sniff you out in seconds. At least with women they just lose interest in you if they realise you have issues, the alphas will take pleasure in kicking you whilst you are down and making a spectacle of it. Granted these are all gross generalizations, but as I said this is all to do with my perception of what other people think, and is based off of what I have experienced.
McCloud90 is offline  
post #20 of 83 (permalink) Old 11-27-2018, 08:11 AM
womfn
 
caelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: cali
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,737
Only with attractive men. I try to stay away from them so they never find out how boring and lame I am. I mean I don't want anyone to know how lame I am but attractive guys especially.
caelle is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why DO people care about other people's sex lives? Sindelle Society & Culture 30 02-12-2011 03:38 AM
Interacting with the opposite sex sean88 Frustration 5 11-30-2010 07:15 AM
Meeting in san jose - with focus on meeting the opposite sex aalfredo Support Groups 0 11-09-2008 03:32 PM
When did you start noticing the opposite sex? coeur_brise Relationships 47 10-23-2008 09:20 AM
SAnxiety scale and background factor questionnaire (long) Pinzelhead Coping With Social Anxiety 6 05-10-2008 11:25 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome