-I hide myself when someone visits our house
-I find excuses whenever I need to go out the house
-I've convinced my dad not to do some changes in the house because I said it's too expensive, the real reason I don't want changes is because a stranger needs to come in and do them :-s, I can't stand the embarrassment when that random guy notices a 36 year old still lives with his parents and has no job
-A niece just had a baby, I didn't congratulate her and I will surely find an excuse not to attend her baby shower.
-Random thoughts during the day about friends' weddings or family funerals that will surely come one day make me feel terribly anxious for a couple of days because I actually need to attend them, no excuses possible...
-Random stuff I suddenly remember, for example people, thinking about how much of a loser I am compared to them. They must be light years ahead of me in "life". I still live like a student except now I don't even meet people anymore. I eat, I sleep, I watch tv or watch internet stuff, I take a walk and that's it ,every single day for the last 15 years.
I'm so so much worse now than in my twenties. Life gets worse every decade for me. It started fantastic but once I hit 30 it's KO. I want my life to end yet I feel to weak to actually do it