Are You Getting Better or Worse? - Page 4 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #61 of 71 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 05:18 PM
Changeless
 
kesker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ricola
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,493
My Mood: Worried
I'm much worse in the sense I don't tend to feel the pain I once felt. That might be considered a good thing under ordinary circumstances but not so in mine. Pain has been replaced by something much worse--an inability to feel and a separation from myself. I don't seem to have the energy anymore. Even fantasizing is too taxing. For someone who has depended so heavily on the ability to conjure dreams, this is kind of devastating. And scary. Even though I'm cut off from the fear I am still aware that it's there. This is a new place for me--one I don't recognize and don't know how to escape. I feel like I'm further along the depressive continuum than I've ever been. Insomnia's worse now too.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.
― Graham Parke, Unspent Time
kesker is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 71 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 07:28 PM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 298
Let's see:

-I hide myself when someone visits our house
-I find excuses whenever I need to go out the house
-I've convinced my dad not to do some changes in the house because I said it's too expensive, the real reason I don't want changes is because a stranger needs to come in and do them :-s, I can't stand the embarrassment when that random guy notices a 36 year old still lives with his parents and has no job
-A niece just had a baby, I didn't congratulate her and I will surely find an excuse not to attend her baby shower.
-Random thoughts during the day about friends' weddings or family funerals that will surely come one day make me feel terribly anxious for a couple of days because I actually need to attend them, no excuses possible...
-Random stuff I suddenly remember, for example people, thinking about how much of a loser I am compared to them. They must be light years ahead of me in "life". I still live like a student except now I don't even meet people anymore. I eat, I sleep, I watch tv or watch internet stuff, I take a walk and that's it ,every single day for the last 15 years.

I'm so so much worse now than in my twenties. Life gets worse every decade for me. It started fantastic but once I hit 30 it's KO. I want my life to end yet I feel to weak to actually do it
conantheworthless is offline  
post #63 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 01:47 AM
SAS Member
 
Elle Knight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 99
My Mood: Doubtful
Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Let's see:

-I hide myself when someone visits our house
-I find excuses whenever I need to go out the house
-I've convinced my dad not to do some changes in the house because I said it's too expensive, the real reason I don't want changes is because a stranger needs to come in and do them :-s, I can't stand the embarrassment when that random guy notices a 36 year old still lives with his parents and has no job
-A niece just had a baby, I didn't congratulate her and I will surely find an excuse not to attend her baby shower.
-Random thoughts during the day about friends' weddings or family funerals that will surely come one day make me feel terribly anxious for a couple of days because I actually need to attend them, no excuses possible...
-Random stuff I suddenly remember, for example people, thinking about how much of a loser I am compared to them. They must be light years ahead of me in "life". I still live like a student except now I don't even meet people anymore. I eat, I sleep, I watch tv or watch internet stuff, I take a walk and that's it ,every single day for the last 15 years.

I'm so so much worse now than in my twenties. Life gets worse every decade for me. It started fantastic but once I hit 30 it's KO. I want my life to end yet I feel to weak to actually do it
Oh my gosh noooo. I'm sorry. Have you ever tried therapy? Do you think therapy might help you? It's time to take a step away from this cruel monster. You dont have to fly just yet, you can crawl first and then you learn to walk. You cant just sit around and watch it get worse...you can try and talk to someone you TRUST okay? I wish you all the best 🙂
Elle Knight is offline  
 
post #64 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 02:05 AM
Jeremy Bentham's head
 
SparklingWater's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,218
Much better.

On enhanced mobile I don't receive notifications besides pms. Apologies if I don't respond.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
SparklingWater is offline  
post #65 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 05:55 AM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elle Knight View Post
Oh my gosh noooo. I'm sorry. Have you ever tried therapy? Do you think therapy might help you? It's time to take a step away from this cruel monster. You dont have to fly just yet, you can crawl first and then you learn to walk. You cant just sit around and watch it get worse...you can try and talk to someone you TRUST okay? I wish you all the best 🙂
I don't believe in therapy, how would I be able to afford it anyway, I have no income. This SA thing is more or less acceptable when you are a teenager or when you are in college. Now as a "full grown" adult it's too late, no doubt about that. I burned every bridge to a better life. Reality is that I will never be self sufficient unless a miracle happens. Life just doesn't get easier when you get older, it's the other way around. At my age you're supposed to be ready for life, in fact you are supposed to be fully into a successful career. My reality is that I know literally nothing about life and have absolutely zero none nada experience in just about anything. You can't just grow ambition and suddenly find passions in life, if you didn't have them when you were young , you won't have them when you get older either.

Thanks for your concern though.
conantheworthless is offline  
post #66 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 06:07 AM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by karenw View Post
I think therapy can make a person feel worse anyway going over old ground.
Absolutely, every time my brains decides to think about the past, all I see is regret and remorse and I feel bad for days afterwards. My best days are when I get absorbed in the now, when I don't think of the future nor the past.
conantheworthless is offline  
post #67 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 06:14 AM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elle Knight View Post
Oh my gosh noooo.
This sentence hit very hard. It acknowledges how much of an oddity and idiot I am. I just wanted you to know that. I guess when I get reactions like this on a SA forum I fully realize how unique (in a very very bad way) I am. It just turns me into a self pitying mess. No hard feelings though, it's not your fault (only mine) that I am who I am.
conantheworthless is offline  
post #68 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 07:19 AM
SAS Member
 
Elle Knight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 99
My Mood: Doubtful
Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elle Knight View Post
Oh my gosh noooo.
This sentence hit very hard. It acknowledges how much of an oddity and idiot I am. I just wanted you to know that. I guess when I get reactions like this on a SA forum I fully realize how unique (in a very very bad way) I am. It just turns me into a self pitying mess. No hard feelings though, it's not your fault (only mine) that I am who I am.
I'm sorry. The reason I reacted such odd way is because of how you think. I dont want you to think like that. I feel bad and it gives me anxiety because you have anxiety. You are not alone. I used to be really scared to go outside in the yard and I used to just stay in my room all day. I was horrible to look at. So when you say this, it brings me back painful memories and I kinda understand how you're feeling.

Please, dont say that. You are human and that's okay. Everyone starts life at different stages and it's never too late. Look at the President of the US...he became president in his 70's while Obama was in 40's, 50's?? You can try something? Or talk to someone? It doesnt have to be a therapist. Or you can prolly brainstorm about stuff that you think spark a little curiosity?
Elle Knight is offline  
post #69 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 11:00 AM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elle Knight View Post
I'm sorry. The reason I reacted such odd way is because of how you think. I dont want you to think like that. I feel bad and it gives me anxiety because you have anxiety. You are not alone. I used to be really scared to go outside in the yard and I used to just stay in my room all day. I was horrible to look at. So when you say this, it brings me back painful memories and I kinda understand how you're feeling.

Please, dont say that. You are human and that's okay. Everyone starts life at different stages and it's never too late. Look at the President of the US...he became president in his 70's while Obama was in 40's, 50's?? You can try something? Or talk to someone? It doesnt have to be a therapist. Or you can prolly brainstorm about stuff that you think spark a little curiosity?
The president was a billionaire before he became president though. By the time I hit 70 I fully expect to be turned to ashes.
Eventually I'll have to give it a shot to try to change but right now It's not happening, talking doesn't matter, people don't know anything about SA and why would they, it's pretty much a taboo. I don't want to talk about it, really.
Anyway don't be sorry though, I'm just a bit sensitive these days, nerves I guess.
conantheworthless is offline  
post #70 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 01:52 PM
SAS Member
 
EndTimes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Language: Portuguese, French, German, English
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 317
My Mood: Lonely
Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Let's see:

-I hide myself when someone visits our house
-I find excuses whenever I need to go out the house
-I've convinced my dad not to do some changes in the house because I said it's too expensive, the real reason I don't want changes is because a stranger needs to come in and do them :-s, I can't stand the embarrassment when that random guy notices a 36 year old still lives with his parents and has no job
-A niece just had a baby, I didn't congratulate her and I will surely find an excuse not to attend her baby shower.
-Random thoughts during the day about friends' weddings or family funerals that will surely come one day make me feel terribly anxious for a couple of days because I actually need to attend them, no excuses possible...
-Random stuff I suddenly remember, for example people, thinking about how much of a loser I am compared to them. They must be light years ahead of me in "life". I still live like a student except now I don't even meet people anymore. I eat, I sleep, I watch tv or watch internet stuff, I take a walk and that's it ,every single day for the last 15 years.

I'm so so much worse now than in my twenties. Life gets worse every decade for me. It started fantastic but once I hit 30 it's KO. I want my life to end yet I feel to weak to actually do it
I can relate to what you are saying.

We have many common points. My life is also getting worse every year. I still had a few friends in my early twenties. After I ended university, it was over. I started to work and stopped going out.

For the last 5 years, my life can be broken down like this : wake up, go to work, come back home, eat, go to bed.

And, unlike for you, there is no way out. Absolutely none. Suicide is out of question. As a Cartholic, there is no way for me to do something like that.

So I am stuck and simply keep "surviving" hoping for a last tomorrow

"Rome will lose the faith and become the seat of the antichrist." ~ Our Lady of La Salette
EndTimes is offline  
post #71 of 71 (permalink) Old Today, 02:55 PM
bipolar
 
harrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTimes View Post
I can relate to what you are saying.

We have many common points. My life is also getting worse every year. I still had a few friends in my early twenties. After I ended university, it was over. I started to work and stopped going out.

For the last 5 years, my life can be broken down like this : wake up, go to work, come back home, eat, go to bed.

And, unlike for you, there is no way out. Absolutely none. Suicide is out of question. As a Cartholic, there is no way for me to do something like that.

So I am stuck and simply keep "surviving" hoping for a last tomorrow
Have you ever looked into a meetup group for people with anxiety and/or other mental health issues?

You might still feel anxious going at first but I can guarantee there would be people in situations there that might not be a lot different to yours - in fact you would probably be seen as successful because you have a great job and career. A lot of people in them can't or don't work.
harrison is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome