Are You Getting Better or Worse? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 04:42 PM
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I've just long reached the point of remaining distant and doing my own thing for the most part.

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post #22 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 12:27 AM
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Most areas of my life are getting worse and have been for the last several years. I don't even really have the time or energy for SAS anymore. Just staying alive has become something of a challenge.

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post #23 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 01:01 AM
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Most of the time, I'm too involved with other things to pay much attention to my anxiety, I've carved out a pretty nice life where I don't need to socialize with people as often. Being that I have less to do with others, in general I would say I am doing better. The SA has been consistent for years now, it doesn't go away, it will never likely go away, but for the most part I don't really need it to in order to enjoy most things. As time progresses, our reliance upon one another becomes less, I find it easier to live a more solitary life because of that.

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post #24 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 01:23 AM
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
I do worry about my mental health - not the anxiety though. I know I'll get manic again - I always do. And atm I'm only taking a very low dose of medication - because it makes me tired and dizzy. I hate it. So I really have to watch that as I don't want to get into trouble.
Is there any way you can offset the decision to up the med dose on anyone else? I assume when you start getting manic you don't quite know it's happening? Or you don't mind it happening?

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Most areas of my life are getting worse and have been for the last several years. I don't even really have the time or energy for SAS anymore. Just staying alive has become something of a challenge.
Sorry to hear Tru. I often think about you and wish you the best. Not that this does anything, but maybe it helps a miniscule amount knowing that someone somewhere is wishing you well.

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post #25 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 01:45 AM
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Is there any way you can offset the decision to up the med dose on anyone else? I assume when you start getting manic you don't quite know it's happening? Or you don't mind it happening?
Hey Bob - well it's sort of tricky. Sometimes I think I can tell, other times I don't think so. Sometimes you can actually feel it and recognise it - but other times I only realise that I must have been when I look back at what I was doing - which usually involved pretty extreme or unusual things. (like when I went up to Jakarta few years ago to meet that lady - I definitely don't think I was thinking straight then)

Giving that power to someone else would be difficult for me now - although I wouldn't rule it out if I could find a new psychiatrist that I liked and trusted. Physically upping the dose is quite tricky too - it has to be done slowly as even a small increase causes a lot of physical symptoms. (nausea, severe heartburn etc)

So all in all it's a pain. I do feel like I might be getting better at recognising it a bit more though - my wife says she can hear it in my voice, which is not always a good thing.
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post #26 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 02:01 AM
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I've been pretty stagnant lately. Perhaps even slipping backwards. It takes a lot of focus and energy for me to both live my life and try and work on myself. It's hard enough to do all the basic things and then on top try and work on my social skills, which I've found to be one of the most difficult things in my life. Lacking consistent positive reinforcement and/or feedback and only showing progress at distant intervals kills the motivation. I have greatly reduced my anxiety over the years and it drops a little bit more all the time. It's just the being awkward and socially retarded holding me back for the most part now. Still wonder if I might be a bit autistic. Oh well, one day at a time. Gotta keep moving forward, even if I don't know how.
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post #27 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 03:05 AM
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My anxiety is pretty manageable but I've become more reclusive over the years, especially since I started working from home 6 years ago. My lack of interaction with the outside world has only lead to me being less capable of holding a conversation with someone beyond casual small talk. Socializing comes naturally for most people, but for me it's always felt like a learned skill. It's like a muscle that you have to exercise regularly or else you lose it. My problem is that I stopped exercising that muscle 6+ years ago.

I'm better in just about every other area though. I'm less insecure and more confident than I've been at any other point of my life.
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post #28 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 09:59 AM
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Sorry to hear Tru. I often think about you and wish you the best. Not that this does anything, but maybe it helps a miniscule amount knowing that someone somewhere is wishing you well.
Thanks, Bob. Sorry to hear about your own struggles.

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post #29 of 71 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 10:25 AM
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In terms of SA, it's been pretty much the same all my life. There was a period in my late teens through my 20s and early 30s that was somewhat better but I was still nowhere near where most people are during that period of life. For example, at 28, where most people would probably be finishing up college or even well into a career with marriage and so forth, I was still living at home working at McDonald's. And even that was a stretch for me because it was a job where you just can't get away from people and you have to deal with everything humanity can throw at you on any given day.

Now I am pretty much the same as I was when I was 18. Except my general health is much worse and I don't have 1/10 of the energy to do anything (my energy is sapped by poor physical health, not depression so there's no way to fix that). I have tried to get into better physical health but it seems to be impossible. I can change my diet and add more exercise and more sleep and even change my sleep patterns but I still feel very unwell all the time. I think it is probably a heart problem. And probably half of my other organs are not doing so hot. I'm sure my lungs (and heart) didn't appreciate 3 packs of cigarettes a day for 20 years.

My pancreas is obviously not doing well (as evidenced by diabetes). My liver is probably not great because of the fact that I have had to pretty much live on Tylenol most of my life because of frequent headaches. And also, one of the epilepsy meds (Depakote) is really hard on your liver.

I tend to eat too much and regret it and then spend days and weeks fighting to get my impulses under control. When that finally happens, I do feel better for awhile but am fighting constant hunger and impulses to just friggin eat everything in the house.

Sometimes I try to offset the overeating with more exercise. Which just makes me really tired. Makes me go to bed and sleep many hours and wake up with a headache. Which causes me to have to take Tylenol (Excedrin, actually).

Yeah. None of this has much to do with SA. But that's how I'm doing. My overall physical health has taken the element of choice out of the equation for me. It takes precedence over SA. Even if I wanted to "overcome" my (somewhat mild) SA traits by forcing myself to do stuff, my body is too weak to provide the energy for a normal life.

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post #30 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 12:59 AM
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
Hey Bob - well it's sort of tricky. Sometimes I think I can tell, other times I don't think so. Sometimes you can actually feel it and recognise it - but other times I only realise that I must have been when I look back at what I was doing - which usually involved pretty extreme or unusual things. (like when I went up to Jakarta few years ago to meet that lady - I definitely don't think I was thinking straight then)

Giving that power to someone else would be difficult for me now - although I wouldn't rule it out if I could find a new psychiatrist that I liked and trusted. Physically upping the dose is quite tricky too - it has to be done slowly as even a small increase causes a lot of physical symptoms. (nausea, severe heartburn etc)

So all in all it's a pain. I do feel like I might be getting better at recognising it a bit more though - my wife says she can hear it in my voice, which is not always a good thing.
Might be a good idea to use the wife as something of an early warning system? It wouldn't surprise me at all if she could pick it early. Tricky business with dosage though, totally understand that. Fingers crossed your current dosage is adequate .

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Thanks, Bob. Sorry to hear about your own struggles.


Meant to say, if you wanna talk any time Tru, shoot me a message on skype. Same for Don obviously

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #31 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 01:21 AM
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Well like most I'm riding a super happy fun slide towards death & decay, but my slide seems to have extra big scary spiders thrown in, but I'll try to enjoy it, WEEEEE!!






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #32 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 02:34 AM
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Meant to say, if you wanna talk any time Tru, shoot me a message on skype. Same for Don obviously
Thanks a lot Bob - hope you're doing okay over there. I've been thinking about you.
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post #33 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 03:18 AM
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Thanks a lot Bob - hope you're doing okay over there. I've been thinking about you.
Thanks Don.

Rough day today, for some reason. No contact sucks. Unfortunately both in terms of getting over things, or even getting back with her eventually, there is no other way. I am still clinging onto hope of a reunion though, I think, which is definitely not good for my sanity, nor would it actually be a good idea.

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post #34 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 03:19 AM
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There is also a point beyond which me talking about it all becomes deeply annoying and just fuels it, so will try to stfu .

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #35 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 03:51 AM
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it's getting easier to brush stuff of my shoulder, and i do feel A LOT better when i can distract myself with work and all that it gives me (shelter, toys, food, internet and whatnot), but at the same time , the older i get i realise how fragile my life and my lifestyle is.

i want to live an indepedent life but it seems impossible. i can't take a break from reality, like ever. i can't relax at all. work has become my lifeline, funny because it used to feel like a living nightmare. at work i can reset my mind and sort of shake off the painful thoughts i get when i'm alone.

i've been trying to carve out a life of my own. in my teen years and early twenties i wanted to abandon my family. now i'd be content if i could at least live my life without being contacted by them for at least a few weeks. my introversion demands that i take a break from life and people fairly often. if i see person X on monday, i don't want to meet them again for at least another week, but during that time i could meet up with person Y on e.g wednesday, since i haven't had "person Y stimuli" for a while. it's funny (tragic) because i wasn't allowed to have much privacy during my upbringing, and if i take a step back i can see that my entire life has been molded from this circumstance. all i want is to be left alone. i don't want my coworkers to know what i'm doing in my spare time. i don't want my family to know either. i don't want friends to know either (when i had them). i'm a secretive person and i want it to stay that way.

i've had a few weekends where i could actually stop thinking about my life and just relax, but those weekends happen more seldom as time goes by... i've begun to look forward to the work week more often...

at the same time, i've become stronger and/or more desensitized towards all the SHXT in my life, towards all the SHXT that humans do to me, which makes it "easier" to deal with. like... i'm extremely depressed now, but i can barely feel it. i just "know" that i am.

are my best years behind me? maybe. i was definitely happier before, but i was younger, more naive... so maybe that doesn't count?

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I don't push myself as much as I used to because I feel like I've hit the point where I feel like I've maxed out my potential. I'm not sure if that's better or worse.
kinda this

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I'm going in both directions at once.
definitely this
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post #36 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 03:54 AM
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
Thanks Don.

Rough day today, for some reason. No contact sucks. Unfortunately both in terms of getting over things, or even getting back with her eventually, there is no other way. I am still clinging onto hope of a reunion though, I think, which is definitely not good for my sanity, nor would it actually be a good idea.
It does Bob - and it's bloody hard. Not a nice thing to go through.
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post #37 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 05:01 AM
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Both, in a sense. I am doing more things to get out of my comfort zone and challenge my anxiety, and I have some very exciting things coming up. But mentally I just feel empty and numb.

more issues than vogue
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post #38 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 05:29 AM
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Two steps forward and one step back.
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post #39 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 04:19 PM
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Meant to say, if you wanna talk any time Tru, shoot me a message on skype. Same for Don obviously
Thanks, Bob. Haven't been talking to much of anyone lately, but I'll keep it in mind.

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post #40 of 71 (permalink) Old 09-01-2019, 04:28 PM
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it's getting easier to brush stuff of my shoulder
Since I started getting dandruff, I have a lot more stuff on my shoulder than I can brush off. I practically need a shoulder-mounted automatic broom that does an automatic brush cycle every 20 minutes or so.

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