Are you ever 'in the zone' socially? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-01-2021, 01:28 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Saeta View Post
Yes, with the right people and activities. But I need a lot of positive feedback to get in the zone. More than most people I suppose. When I don't get that feedback, I suppress my sense of humor and only talk about certain things, so I come across as boring..
I find that when you act confidently you will automatically receive positive feedback. People just get a very different perception of you when the instant first impression of you is that of an extroverted personality or atleast not introverted.

I know what you mean with needing positive feedback, people like us crave it. But that's how these days go, it starts well and it just builds up(both your own confidence and the positive feedback).

It's just too bad the mind runs out of fuel. You go to bed and wake up the next day being the same old person you'd rather not be.
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post #22 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-08-2021, 10:28 PM
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No, never. And even if my SA was completely gone for one day, it would be worthless to me. It's not that the lack of SA would magically provide me the conversational skills I need to be accepted by people in this society. I would just end up making a complete fool of myself, because I would still be running out of things to say, I would still be looking for the right words, only for the other person to lose their patience. Imagine somebody who acts outgoing but when it comes to having the actual conversation just freezes up. That would be me if I didn't have SA. It's because I lack those skills that I developed SA in the first place.
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post #23 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 02:54 PM
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post #24 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 07:32 PM
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Brief moments of high energy when I was in a good mood have allowed me to be somewhat more animated and sharp. But it is certainly not my default setting. Most of the time I am awkward and just always seeking to put an end to the interaction. That tone pervades my life.
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post #25 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 01:58 AM
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post #26 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 02:52 AM
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Nah, nothing so spectacular. I do have moments where all feels good, but not where I think I am better lucking, more capable, or any such thing. When I'm in the zone, I'm usually fixated on something, and can spend hours just thinking about it while filtering out the rest of the world. It is a really great feeling, and I am often in that place when playing around with my hobbies. This one time, while taking my niece to a concert, I sat through several hours reading a book while the music was blasting, and people were around me, I kind of just went off to my own happy place to escape the crowd - while being stuck in the crowd. That is completely different from what you are talking about though, in general I have a pretty low sense of self esteem, don't feel very accomplished or capable - but I don't let it get me down.. I just work with what I have, and try to make the best of it. I try to appreciate what I can do. I don't think I've ever felt like I could compete with others very well, or that I am in general good looking, I don't think I have amazing talents. I don't have any moments where I feel like I am better than normal.. well, perhaps a little liquid courage makes me feel that way on the occasion But even then, it is pretty tame.

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post #27 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-24-2021, 03:37 AM
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I experience the same thing except instead of once or twice a month for a day or two it's more like once every couple months and lasts about one to two weeks. I notice it's linked to my self-esteem which can fluctuate if I'm hit by a big enough trigger at an unexpected time when I feel vulnerable or if I do something I wish I didn't that while at the time appealing only really hurt me in the end...It feels like a carefree confidence, like you're beaming and feeling like everyone thinks your awesome cause it's you who thinks your great...which I personally believe everyone is great, it's just we can get caught in negative self talk and a negative self image. That's how it feels to me.

I also notice that if I worry about it only being temporary and going away again and try to grab a hold of it in my mind so to speak it starts to slip away faster. So I just appreciate it and enjoy it while it's there and remember that from my experience it always comes back.

But yeah, definitely linked to insecurity and letting it suck you in till you feel like that's who you are. When in reality those moments when I really like myself and feel good about myself. I'm just being myself without trying or overthinking. That's the real me before I learned to see myself in certain negative ways. Not saying we're all perfect under the surface, it's just...there's a difference between being perfect and being free from the captivity of our insecurities. Free to express your true self without fear to world.
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post #28 of 28 (permalink) Old 03-01-2021, 11:07 AM
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Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
What I mean is(well atleast for me, just wondering if you have these type of rare days too) do you have days where all the stars align for you where you basicely feel good looking, confident witty and just more competent with everything than usual? It's like I'm a different person or atleast a better version of myself then.

I get it like once a month sometimes twice. It only lasts for about a day and then the adrenaline wears off and things unfortunately go back to normal. It also has a demotivating effect because it's kind of devastating getting a taste of a different life yet it's still so far out of reach because your mentality can't keep this up.

It's something random so unfortunately I can't pinpoint it, if there was a medication that could always make me feel this way I would hop on it for life.
There's times where I have really good days, but I still have really bad social anxiety overall. It never stops me from doing what I need to do though, because I hate living in fear and always wondering, "What if" I am confident, but I am still reserved. I've always been like this since I was younger and I doubt that'll ever change. Especially when I am in group settings which I can do now, but I still am awkward and quiet, I just learned to do things by taking steps. Sometimes I tend to zone out or burst out laughing randomly out of nervousness and people get very weirded out by it, but it's just something I do. Plus it makes me feel comfortable when I do those things. The more time I put myself in these kinds of situations, the more confident I got.

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ~Tori Amos
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