Anyone else feel more comfortable with people of their own gender? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
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Anyone else feel more comfortable with people of their own gender?


Idk where I should put this...
But is anyone more comfortable being surrounded by people of their own gender? My hobbies often are popular with a lot of men, and I'll try to get into groups or attend events that suit my interests but there are a lot of times where no women are present at them and I get really anxious, and slightly intimidated and feel the need to leave. I don't know why this is, I've never been the victim of abuse or have had any real negative relationships with males. Additionally I don't seem to get anxious around agender or transgender people, Is this a common feeling?
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post #2 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 03:15 PM
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Probably common yes. I am the opposite and much prefer the company of women.

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post #3 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 03:21 PM
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no, I get more uncomfortable being around other guys. especially Indian guys lately. ha I guess I'm inherently sexist and racist then.

woman are just generally nicer and superior to men.

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post #4 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 03:27 PM
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As a someone who works where women are majority I can actually agree to you... Even though I don't prefer any company, but damn, women can indeed be way worse than men sometimes... Men company can be not better either, but I feel a bit better there, I think it's the first and already last time when I have a job where women are majority... I'm not saying that everyone is like that, but there are some...

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post #5 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 04:19 PM
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I've always been much more comfortable around women. I find a lot of men unpredictable and scary, frankly. (Though I've met many perfectly lovely ones, too.) Unfortunately, women don't seem to feel more comfortable around me, so it ends up not really making any difference. Men are more likely to talk to me, and women are more likely to avoid me, because everyone considers me a man.

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post #6 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 04:21 PM
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Yes! I'm definitely more comfortable around women too.
And I think its because I never made any male friends and socialize much during my time in high school so even now in college and where I work I have a hard time talking to guys because I don't know how to talk to them. They probably think I'm weird or something but honestly I'm just a little scared and nervous.

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post #7 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 04:25 PM
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Nope, it's the opposite for me. I feel more out of place and uncomfortable around girls for some reason, like there's pressure. Of course my male friends are more likely to talk about their hobbies, wheras my female friends are more likely to talk about their days and vent, so I think that's the reason
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post #8 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 04:47 PM
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Yes and no. I can generally be around anyone on a good day, and one of my closest friends is a female. I take issue when surrounded by women who give a vibe that seems catty and often times form cliques for that purpose - pretty much Mean Girls, adult version. As I've become older I have been more comfortable around men and not have as high of a chance for social ridicule. Of course there's jerks no matter who or what they are.
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post #9 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-26-2019, 05:20 PM
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I think often in the past I've preferred the company of women - many will be more open to talking about themselves, their feelings etc. I'm a talker and very emotional. A lot of men don't do that - they tend to be more closed off to their own emotions etc.

I realise that's a generalisation though - because there are obviously exceptions on both sides.
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post #10 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 01:32 AM
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I use to be comfortable with the opposite gender. As times goes, I am uncomfortable with both, unless they are not humans.


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post #11 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 03:59 AM
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I've never met anyone irl who is my gender and I'm not really comfortable with most people. (edit: in terms of comfort it has nothing to do with physical sex - subcultural affiliation, interests, personality traits are more relevant.)

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post #12 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 04:06 AM
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I found this interesting (read this in an article recently, can't find the article now, did find the study the article was obviously drawing from):

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In several group-living species, individuals' social preferences are thought to be influenced by cooperation. For some societies with fission–fusion dynamics, sex-specific association patterns reflect sex differences in cooperation in within- and between-group contexts. In our study, we investigated this hypothesis further by comparing sex-specific association patterns in two closely related species, chimpanzees and bonobos, which differ in the level of between-group competition and in the degree to which sex and kinship influence dyadic cooperation. Here, we used long-term party composition data collected on five chimpanzee and two bonobo communities and assessed, for each individual of 10 years and older, the sex of its top associate and of all conspecifics with whom it associated more frequently than expected by chance. We found clear species differences in association patterns. While in all chimpanzee communities males and females associated more with same-sex partners, in bonobos males and females tended to associate preferentially with females, but the female association preference for other females is lower than in chimpanzees.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5451801/

I often think I'm quite misandric (and I am,) but then I remember the guys on this forum LOL. I guess I'm more overtly misandric but less covertly? (This is a concept I've just made up but yeah. Casual vs not casual I guess.)

I would say - some guys irl are annoying or have harassed me, most are fine especially if we have interests in common or whatever. They can be superficial but I don't necessarily want to get close to them all anyway. My longest friendship has been with a guy but unconventional because we had an asexual relationship before that. My worst experiences with people have been with female people (underage, as an adult most are fine but didn't get close to them,) but I've also had some close friendships with girls growing up. So really it's just a mixed bag.

Online guys will piss me off a lot more. I don't encounter the kind of personality's or ideas I do online in real life as often. There are many guys I would want to strangle to death. (I don't know why I said strangle that specific method hasn't really occurred to me, but still you get the idea.) That being said once again the most annoying person I've interacted with online was... Presumably female. Probably a sexless chaos demon really. I have concluded that disembodied people are the worst people.

So that about sums up my views.

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post #13 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 04:39 AM
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Even though I tend to get along better with women, that's on an individual basis. I'd hate to be the only guy in a large group of women at a social event. Who wants to stand out like that? And it can lead to feeling like the outcast of the group.

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post #14 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 05:04 AM
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In a way, yes. Like I'm not comfortable at all if I'm in the presence of very attractive women. Because obviously, I find them attractive and I know that they know they're attractive and they probably know what I'm thinking and it's just very awkward to be there and have them probably being disgusted by being there knowing that someone they're not attracted to is thinking about them in that way.

If I'm not so much attracted to them, I can often feel more comfortable with women because (for me) it's hard to relate to a lot of standard "guy stuff". I hate sports (first of all) so that cuts out a lot of the stuff men typically have to say to one another.

Them - "Did you see the game?"

Me - "What game? Apparently, I don't watch sports"

Them - "Oh"

I also don't drink so that's another one.

Them - "Wanna have a few beers?"

Me - "What? Why would I wanna do that? I hate beer"

Also men tend to be harder to get along with in general and tend to see one another as competition. I have had many occasions where other dudes saw me as competition and I didn't even know it and wondered why they said smart assed things to me for no apparent reason. Especially around women they were trying to impress. It didn't even occur to me that there would be any need to compete because I had no intentions whatsoever and here's this dickhead insulting me because he thinks it will impress some random woman who just happens to be there. Very stupid. I don't need that crap. And yeah. Even if I'm not interested in dating them, if some dude says something embarrassing to me around them it is obviously unpleasant and unwelcome.

So yeah. I've had a lot of not so awesome encounters with random guys who were just hostile or said things I didn't expect for no obvious reason (at least not obvious to me). On the internet, I tend to get along better with women. Especially if they don't know what I look like. There still isn't much to relate to with other guys because even if they are single like me, they usually spend most of their time complaining about getting no love from the ladies and I don't feel that way about it.

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post #15 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 06:58 AM
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I feel more comfortable with the opposite gender. Being physically attracted to my own gender, I feel that I have had to deal with a fair amount of ill treatment from them. And that makes me sort of ill at ease and scared around the same people who I am attracted to. Life's a mystery.

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post #16 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 09:25 AM
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I find that I'm more comfortable with guys than with women. I don't know why but I just do.

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post #17 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Also men tend to be harder to get along with in general and tend to see one another as competition. I have had many occasions where other dudes saw me as competition and I didn't even know it and wondered why they said smart assed things to me for no apparent reason.
I ran into this, too. Some men get angry and decide they don't like you if you don't play the competition game with them. I think because if you are indifferent to their boasting they interpret that as an expression of superiority, and they get hostile about your refusal to take your correct place in the dominance hierarchy. If you don't play the game properly, they ostracize you and you end up an outcast. I don't run into this hostility with women, because I'm not part of their dominance hierarchy.

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post #18 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 12:56 PM
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Umm I dunno I have never interacted with enbies or transpeople of any kind.

I'm much more comfortable around women tho. I often feel like men expect me to behave a certain way, like being a dude-bro kind of character.
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post #19 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
I ran into this, too. Some men get angry and decide they don't like you if you don't play the competition game with them. I think because if you are indifferent to their boasting they interpret that as an expression of superiority, and they get hostile about your refusal to take your correct place in the dominance hierarchy. If you don't play the game properly, they ostracize you and you end up an outcast. I don't run into this hostility with women, because I'm not part of their dominance hierarchy.
Well, and then you have the fact that everybody is a little bit different and different people have different ideas about how to properly play the game so even if you know how you're generally expected to behave you could still unwittingly run afoul of some random person who made their own rules.

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post #20 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kat4799 View Post
Idk where I should put this...
But is anyone more comfortable being surrounded by people of their own gender? My hobbies often are popular with a lot of men, and I'll try to get into groups or attend events that suit my interests but there are a lot of times where no women are present at them and I get really anxious, and slightly intimidated and feel the need to leave. I don't know why this is, I've never been the victim of abuse or have had any real negative relationships with males. Additionally I don't seem to get anxious around agender or transgender people, Is this a common feeling?
Do you think maybe it's because of the way they tend to talk about women? Their talks are definitely not woman-friendly cause of gender norms and men-centered culture they have. You know, ''rape jokes'', sexist jokes, stereotypes about women, porn, objectification of women etc... Even when there's a woman/women in their company they act just the same. It's what they're used to. This is why I don't want to be around them and I know it's legitimate cause there are women who share this feeling with me (you know, some feminist women out there. Otherwise I would doubt myself because I'd think I'm the only one who feels this way which I was before).

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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