Anxiety at work - am I asking too much from my manager? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
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Anxiety at work - am I asking too much from my manager?


So I've been working at a contact centre for a bank for a few months now and made some good friends over that time. Most of the people who I started with have now left the company except one person, a guy that I've considered my work best mate since Day 1. We went through training together, sat together all the time, were in the same "team" (same manager) and now we're getting trained together to get moved to another department.

However, my anxiety is REALLY bad at work and nobody knows about it except my manager. When I found out everyone was getting moved to another department, I wrote a letter to my manager explaining my anxiety/depression and basically begged him to put me in the same training group as my best friend. My manager assured me it would be no problem and thankfully this week I began training with my mate. He's a great source of comfort and helps introduce me to people plus he's kinda awkward/quiet himself so I feel very at ease around him.

The problem now is that after training ends, we're gonna be moving to the new department and all the people in training (there's 12 of us altogether) will be split into new teams AGAIN and I run the risk of being put in a different team from my mate. I'm already worrying about it because I'm hopeless at meeting new people (it was through my mate that I made so many friends in the first place at this job) and I also am scared that if we get put in different teams we won't see eachother anymore (we'll have different breaks, different seats, different teammates etc) and I'm pretty attached I guess so I would hate for us to be split up and have him do well and make so many friends and forget about me while I struggle by myself. Also at this job you need to do alot of "team building" projects and discussions which I'm hopeless at, and I'm very awkward and shy in these things. I struggle to make friends and it's been like that in every work environment I ever had. I've had about 8 jobs and this is the only time I've ever made a proper friend at work, that's how bad my anxiety is.

I was going to ask my manager AGAIN if he could help arrange putting me in the same team as my mate for when the training is over, but do you think that's kinda pushing it? My manager knows how bad my anxiety is and said it's his job to help me and will do anything to make me feel better, but I dunno, I don't wanna look like a ***** and that I can't do anything without my mate?

What do you guys think?

(I posted this in the work section on the forum as well but that section seems dead so I thought I'd post here too)

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 03:50 PM
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I was going to ask my manager AGAIN if he could help arrange putting me in the same team as my mate for when the training is over, but do you think that's kinda pushing it? My manager knows how bad my anxiety is and said it's his job to help me and will do anything to make me feel better, but I dunno, I don't wanna look like a ***** and that I can't do anything without my mate?

What do you guys think?

(I posted this in the work section on the forum as well but that section seems dead so I thought I'd post here too)
It doesn't hurt to remind him again, so he doesn't forget and also fully understands the magnitude of how much it means to you to work with your friend. It also sounds like he's very accommodating and understanding for the most part, so yes I would politely bring it up again just to be safe.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 04:31 AM Thread Starter
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I would say ask again. Ultimately from their point of you, a happy employee should make a more efficient employee. I did something similar - not that I wanted to be in a team with someone I like, more to be out of a team I didn't get on with most of the people. It took a long time as she didn't me to leave the team, but in the end I did- it was worth the persistence.
Was that in a call centre?

To expand on my original post, my mate was in my team for a few weeks which I was happy about as he already knew some people in the team so helped introduce me to them and invited me outside for smoke breaks and stuff with them, but when he got moved to another team and once he got moved I just completely felt left out and nobody else in the team bothered with me and I was too shy to make an effort. In team meetings they would all laugh and joke and take the piss out of eachother and I would just sit in the corner staring at the ground, shaking and nervous incase I got brought into the conversation. It was horrible. In situations like that you really need to feel comfortable and be with someone you know, imo. :/

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 05:10 AM
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You may ask your manager for a favor one more time, no harm in doing that. But that is not the real solution. You best buddy might change his job one day. You cannot ask the hiring manager of his new company to offer you a job there, can you? So, always brace for changes in life. Change is always good. The fear of the unknown has prevented many a bright souls from realizing their true feat. Always step into the unknown and stumble on pleasant surprises that life has to offer.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
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You may ask your manager for a favor one more time, no harm in doing that. But that is not the real solution. You best buddy might change his job one day. You cannot ask the hiring manager of his new company to offer you a job there, can you? So, always brace for changes in life. Change is always good. The fear of the unknown has prevented many a bright souls from realizing their true feat. Always step into the unknown and stumble on pleasant surprises that life has to offer.
This is true actually.

However the situation with me is not that I want to be with my mate forever in the job (we only see eachother at breaks anyway and occasionally sit together if possible because we're busy doing the job), it's that I want to be with him for the big change to the new department which involves joining new teams, meeting tons of people, learning new skills and entering a new routine. When I first joined the job for the first time I was a complete wreck and couldn't sleep at night plus was constantly worrying about work and wasn't even eating before my shifts because I was so nervous about it all, I really don't want to go through that again if I don't have to. Yes, I probably could do it alone but my anxiety would be through the roof and it'd probably result in a ton of awkward moments, loneliness and sloppy work (not to mention a ton of worrying outside of work) whereas if I at least knew I had SOMEONE with me (and someone who has helped me alot in the past) then I think it's a no brainer.

I don't need my friend at all constantly with me at work, in the last department he went on holiday and sometimes we didn't sit together and things like that and I was fine (although I did struggle majorly in team meetings etc), so I'm sure it will be the same case in the new department, but it's just the process of changing/getting settled in that's the problem here but I do understand and appreciate what you're saying.

I hope I made sense with that. ^

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-10-2015, 09:22 AM
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Do managers even care about issues like this? Genuine question, it all seems very high school and teenager like and not something to experience in a professional work environment...
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 02:54 AM Thread Starter
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Do managers even care about issues like this? Genuine question, it all seems very high school and teenager like and not something to experience in a professional work environment...
My manager definitely cares and has told me he does, but I really just am unsure if I ask him again he'll think I'm maybe starting to take advantage of his kindness or look like I'm pushing my luck.

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 09:57 AM
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My manager definitely cares and has told me he does, but I really just am unsure if I ask him again he'll think I'm maybe starting to take advantage of his kindness or look like I'm pushing my luck.
If I was your manager I'd tell you to man up and try and become independent. It's a business and there's more important things for managers to do than running around sorting people into groups with their best buddies.

Sorry, but it's true.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:25 AM Thread Starter
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If I was your manager I'd tell you to man up and try and become independent. It's a business and there's more important things for managers to do than running around sorting people into groups with their best buddies.

Sorry, but it's true.
Well I'm glad you're not my manager.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 02:48 AM
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Well I'm glad you're not my manager.
And I'm glad you aren't working for me in any capacity.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:32 AM
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I really hope things worked out for you Shadow2009. How are you? Just joined today and want you to know that you are not alone. I think it's brave to ask for support. Anxiety is just as much an issue as a physical illness and probably means you are conscientious and caring.
Also from a workplace point of view, a happier worker is more productive. Best wishes to you.
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