Achieved almost every goal in the past 2 years - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-03-2019, 03:22 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236

Achieved almost every goal in the past 2 years but still feel unfulfilled


It feels much longer than that, Scares me to look back at how much worse off I was in life only very recently. But I set out these goals and I just accomplished them and all I did was try hard, I'm doing things now that I never thought I'd be doing back when I was an anxiety stricken hermit living at home. Quick summary: Got a great job I actually enjoy doing, got my degree and did very well(part of it was an internship which landed my current job), got my own place and really enjoy living here by myself, I started playing my fav sports, got my dream pet by chance, a car I like, a bunch of certificates which are tough to get and will ensure future job opportunities, I got my savings up to the level I wanted, and perhaps most importantly I actually have two real friends now and also built a great bond with my relatives. I'm still struggling with social anxiety often but I developed a personality and social skills now, I can actually function as an adult now no longer being a manchild who can barely function. But I still don't have a GF.

I am neither trying to gloat or act like a big shot, I mean I would imagine a 'normal person' would think it's normal to do all of this before age 30. But again, only as recent as 2 years ago I was friendless with zero social skills, almost broke with no car and no real skills for a good job, living at home being very depressed. I just think it's good have people talking about their progress on SAS, it's not that difficult to get ahead in life trust me.

But like I said the one thing that's still out of reach is a relationship with a woman, just thinking about that failure nearly makes everything I else i have feel worthless. Sad thing is I still haven't even tried to date yet. I look in the mirror sometimes disgusted by the fact that I got the nerve to operate an electric arial lift going up 100 feet to work on buildings yet I can't go up to a girl and talk to her. I don't know what it is.
tigerblood is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-03-2019, 04:31 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 21
That's amazing, you've done better than a lot of people without SA as well so that's commendable. The extent to which SA can improve may vary from person to person but people need to also see the importance of social skills, you can develop them which would give you more confidence and a better chance at succeeding in life even if SA holds back your full potential.


Now about your girl issue, I think you can apply the way you've improved in your general life in this area too. You can research and learn about the 'science' behind attraction and dating to give you an advantage before going in to it. You had the courage to go and change your life which must have been hard to get started but you've done it, it's the same exercise just a different mountain to climb, you just got to believe in yourself and draw confidence from your past successes in improving your life.
freedom00 is offline  
post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom00 View Post
That's amazing, you've done better than a lot of people without SA as well so that's commendable. The extent to which SA can improve may vary from person to person but people need to also see the importance of social skills, you can develop them which would give you more confidence and a better chance at succeeding in life even if SA holds back your full potential.


Now about your girl issue, I think you can apply the way you've improved in your general life in this area too. You can research and learn about the 'science' behind attraction and dating to give you an advantage before going in to it. You had the courage to go and change your life which must have been hard to get started but you've done it, it's the same exercise just a different mountain to climb, you just got to believe in yourself and draw confidence from your past successes in improving your life.
Thank you. I think that's good advice and I'm trying to apply that line of thinking towards this but my brain seems to have some kind of blockage when I even think about dating, my anxiety level goes up instantly and I feel a weird intense sense of shame and inferiority. It's tough to explain, all the other stuff I mentioned(except for making friends) have like...guidelines. You're part of a system to get something done. But a relationship is all you, from start to finish. Everything is my own responsibility and in my own hands.

Despite this I'm still gonna try it, I suspect a lot of stress and horrible feelings for this upcoming period.
tigerblood is online now  
 
post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 02:44 PM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 290
I knew I shouldn't have clicked this thread. Thanks for making me feel bad.

As for a nice contribution to this thread. If you became this successful in such short time I bet you will soon find success at relationship level too.
conantheworthless is online now  
post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 04:02 PM
monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 6,188
My Mood: Amazed
Quote:
Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
I knew I shouldn't have clicked this thread. Thanks for making me feel bad.

As for a nice contribution to this thread. If you became this successful in such short time I bet you will soon find success at relationship level too.
it makes me feel good that successful people are unhappy. I wasnt going to say anything when I saw this thread because I dont have advice and itd be bad to say what I'm saying. so yeah, there you have it: I'm evil. sorry you're a good person. if you come over to the side of evil we have some great stuff over here

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is online now  
post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 04:20 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
it makes me feel good that successful people are unhappy. I wasnt going to say anything when I saw this thread because I dont have advice and itd be bad to say what I'm saying. so yeah, there you have it: I'm evil. sorry you're a good person. if you come over to the side of evil we have some great stuff over here
You know one of the biggest reasons I found success? Because back when I was unsuccessful, I did not resent successful people.
tigerblood is online now  
post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 04:26 PM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 290
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
You know one of the biggest reasons I found success? Because back when I was unsuccessful, I did not resent successful people.
No, it's because you have tiger blood, you are a warrior!
conantheworthless is online now  
post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 04:33 PM
monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 6,188
My Mood: Amazed
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
You know one of the biggest reasons I found success? Because back when I was unsuccessful, I did not resent successful people.
see that little defensive jab bought you a glimmer of happiness didn't it? you're on the side of evil too, you know where its at

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is online now  
post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 04:47 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
see that little defensive jab bought you a glimmer of happiness didn't it? you're on the side of evil too, you know where its at
No I think countering somebody who is telling you it makes him feel good that you're unhappy is another sign of success , not evil. I would have quit a lot of those things I mentioned if I couldn't stand up for myself.

But I never called myself a successful person, far from it as my main shortcoming is the subject of this thread. Yes it's impressive that I did all of this relatively fast and to consider where I started from, but I got a rude awakening for you guys if you think this is such a successful person in the real world. Most 'normies' my age already have this, didn't waste a couple of years like me and are in the process of owning property and again, they are in serious relationships and maybe married with kids already. That's another reason I've been in a hurry because I feel like I'm running out of time.
tigerblood is online now  
post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 04:54 PM
loser
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 290
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
No I think countering somebody who is telling you it makes him feel good that you're unhappy is another sign of success , not evil. I would have quit a lot of those things I mentioned if I couldn't stand up for myself.

But I never called myself a successful person, far from it as my main shortcoming is the subject of this thread. Yes it's impressive that I did all of this relatively fast and to consider where I started from, but I got a rude awakening for you guys if you think this is such a successful person in the real world. Most 'normies' my age already have this, didn't waste a couple of years like me and are in the process of owning property and again, they are in serious relationships and maybe married with kids already. That's another reason I've been in a hurry because I feel like I'm running out of time.
I think you're right on time. 29 still gives you some leverage.
You now have a good reason to stop looking at the past because you are on another level now, the first step is always the hardest so buying property will come naturally.
As for kids well who wants them anyway :-P
conantheworthless is online now  
post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 05:52 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
No I think countering somebody who is telling you it makes him feel good that you're unhappy is another sign of success , not evil. I would have quit a lot of those things I mentioned if I couldn't stand up for myself.

But I never called myself a successful person, far from it as my main shortcoming is the subject of this thread. Yes it's impressive that I did all of this relatively fast and to consider where I started from, but I got a rude awakening for you guys if you think this is such a successful person in the real world. Most 'normies' my age already have this, didn't waste a couple of years like me and are in the process of owning property and again, they are in serious relationships and maybe married with kids already. That's another reason I've been in a hurry because I feel like I'm running out of time.
Thinking that you're out of time and need to keep up is generally a bad thing but also can be a good thing if that's what motivated you to accelerate your success.
But the thing about interacting with women and really any performance in general is that you do better when there is less pressure, logically there is no rush for you as a man because you don't have the same biological time bomb like a woman does, her fertility and looks will go with age so they need to lock down a guy before they become disadvantaged. Men age better and the swimmers generally stay active for much longer, in fact they get richer over time and therefore become more attractive.

Also consider the fact that people feel the need to follow the model life plan are 'normies' and need to do that to feel average or better. When you are coming from a history of having SA you're not comparing yourself with the same yard stick and should have more confidence despite 'being behind'
It's never good to be comparing yourself all the time with others anyway, there's always a taller mountain - those who have the wife and kids and career would be comparing themselves with richer people who go on more holidays/better schools, those will compare themselves to millionaire entrpreneurs, those will compare themselves to billionaire moguls.
You need to appreciate what your have, that way you will be happier, more relaxed, confident and content in yourself and not feel like you need women right now like it's life or death, and that will help you attract them.
freedom00 is offline  
post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 06:05 PM
monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 6,188
My Mood: Amazed
agree with all that ^


sounds like you drank the social hierarchy cool aid. you said enjoy a bunch of times originally. job, home = enjoy. but not happy? a problem of perception.


knew someone a while back who came from a really wealthy family with high expectations and he was kind of a perfectionist and even when he was obviously happy he said he's unhappy. too many expectations. and he didn't want to live up to it, he got a job in a cafe and was happy there (though he denied it). then he got a gf and they moved in together and he would still not believe he was happy. weird stuff.


and now its time for your sermon:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tao Te Ching - Chapter 13
Success is as dangerous as failure.
Hope is as hollow as fear.

What does it mean that success is a dangerous as failure?
Whether you go up the ladder or down it,
your position is shaky.
When you stand with your two feet on the ground,
you will always keep your balance.

What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don't see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?

See the world as your self.
Have faith in the way things are.
Love the world as your self;
then you can care for all things.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy

Last edited by andy1984; 08-04-2019 at 06:14 PM. Reason: added a wonderful sermon
andy1984 is online now  
post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 06:22 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom00 View Post
Thinking that you're out of time and need to keep up is generally a bad thing but also can be a good thing if that's what motivated you to accelerate your success.
But the thing about interacting with women and really any performance in general is that you do better when there is less pressure, logically there is no rush for you as a man because you don't have the same biological time bomb like a woman does, her fertility and looks will go with age so they need to lock down a guy before they become disadvantaged. Men age better and the swimmers generally stay active for much longer, in fact they get richer over time and therefore become more attractive.

Also consider the fact that people feel the need to follow the model life plan are 'normies' and need to do that to feel average or better. When you are coming from a history of having SA you're not comparing yourself with the same yard stick and should have more confidence despite 'being behind'
It's never good to be comparing yourself all the time with others anyway, there's always a taller mountain - those who have the wife and kids and career would be comparing themselves with richer people who go on more holidays/better schools, those will compare themselves to millionaire entrpreneurs, those will compare themselves to billionaire moguls.
You need to appreciate what your have, that way you will be happier, more relaxed, confident and content in yourself and not feel like you need women right now like it's life or death, and that will help you attract them.
I agree with you, good points. To me the end game is starting a family while having a good life, I've got hopefully another 3 to 4 decades left on this earth and I would want purpose in life. Materialism is not what I'm after or comparing myself to others, that would result in failure anyway Staff edit - one sentence was removed.

It's true that putting this kind of pressure on yourself isn't good but I believe you need constant improvement in every area of your life especially nowadays, and if I don't remind myself constantly it's just not gonna happen.

Last edited by Silent Memory; 08-06-2019 at 05:57 AM. Reason: One sentence was removed because it was mean.
tigerblood is online now  
post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 06:46 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post

i should really stop, but who can stop the battle between good and evil? i did attempt to give some advice
Yes, you should stop trolling this thread. Never said I'm unhappy, that's you putting words into my mouth. And judging by your threads you're in no position to give 'advice' here. Others were doing a perfectly good job of that which I appriciate. Shoo.
tigerblood is online now  
post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 07:18 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 507
Great jobs on all your improvements in life. You seem to have your **** together a lot more then most 29 years olds I know. Certainly more then I did when I was 29.

Now on the woman thing. How much experience do you have with women? Dated a lot? Comfortable approaching women and talking to them and asking them out? Any sexual experiences? Just trying to get a starting point for you so I can help you out
chrisinmd is offline  
post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-05-2019, 01:55 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Great jobs on all your improvements in life. You seem to have your **** together a lot more then most 29 years olds I know. Certainly more then I did when I was 29.

Now on the woman thing. How much experience do you have with women? Dated a lot? Comfortable approaching women and talking to them and asking them out? Any sexual experiences? Just trying to get a starting point for you so I can help you out
Thanks Chris. No expierence at all here. What would you say is the better option in this case, the 'old fashioned way' or trying online dating?
tigerblood is online now  
post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-05-2019, 08:41 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 507
Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerblood View Post
Thanks Chris. No expierence at all here. What would you say is the better option in this case, the 'old fashioned way' or trying online dating?
Well if your not comfortable approaching random women and asking them out (which most guys are not comfortable with. And certainly men with SA are not) then online is the way to go. Make sure you make a good profile with good photos. I don't know what you look like but make the most of what you got photo wise.


Online is a great way to get introduced to women you would never meet in your normal day to day life. Its a numbers game though you will have to send a lot of messages to get any responses. But I have had some luck with it.


Plentyoffish.com is a free dating site you could try out. I have some luck on Eharmony. Banged a few hot ladies. Just hooked up with one a couple weeks ago. Tinder is good as well. Try a bunch of different sites.

Do you live in a city? If so speed dating is a great thing to get practice talking to women and get some experience. So check that out if they have events near you. Meetup groups are great to meet people with similar interests as well.

Hope that helps. Drop me a line if you need more advice
chrisinmd is offline  
post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 06:00 AM
🐞 Moderator 🐞
 
Silent Memory's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 6,516
Note:

Please try to keep this thread positive. It is about achievements, and is not the right place for negativity. Any further negative comments will either be deleted or edited.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Silent Memory is offline  
post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 02:00 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 21
I wrote a reply but it got wiped out by the expired token thing... I only have the energy to sum it up:


Chris makes a good point about most men being nervous approaching women, so keep this in mind and don't put yourself down thinking you're the only one who feels this way, it's normal.


To start you should find a woman you're not really attracted to and gives you no anxiety talking to her and no fear of rejection as you don't even want her, this would help you build a foundation as you work up to women you are attracted to.
If you start with your personal 4/10 then move on to 5 when you're ready, if possible practice flirting as well but not all guys can get the motivation to do so without someone at least somewhat attractive - looks or personality wise.
Then 6,7,8 and so on and the more you talk the better and more confident and less fearful of rejection you'll be, you'll learn more about yourself and the type of woman you're interested in as well.
freedom00 is offline  
post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 04:57 PM
You tell me
 
Rains's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,988
Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom00 View Post
logically there is no rush for you as a man because you don't have the same biological time bomb like a woman does,
Not really true.
https://www.aau.edu/research-scholar...rs-study-finds

Anyway, if you don't want children then you don't need to consider this. And when it comes to relationships, then maybe you should try and get into therapy to address your anxiety / rejection sensitivity and self-esteem issues. I would not buy into any pua stuff. You're better off just focusing on further developing empathy, social skills, and putting yourself in positions where you can actually meet women, on a regular bases. Eventually something will happen.
Rains is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome