A few questions - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 08:13 AM Thread Starter
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A few questions


Hi all,

I just signed up yesterday and haven't read all the threads so forgive me if these have already been addressed but I have some questions:

- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike? I do, with all of the above, just not with my mom and my husband.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group? I have it even one-on-one with all the above, but like above just not with my mom and my husband. Sadly enough I just concluded I even have it when one-on-one with my 3 year old son

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress? Unfortunately I have it with everyone but like with the above answers, just not with my mom and my husband.

- do others know you have SA? I've managed to hide it so well my whole life that no one knew, not even my brother and parents. I'll go so far as to say that one of my co-workers who I've shared this with believes that I don't even have it as badly as I say I do due to the fact that I function "normally" in society and can do all the social things I do, even after telling him how it affects me when I'm doing them.

I know I was diagnosed as having severe SA, I was just curious as to how I compare to others.

Thanks all,

Trini
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 11:20 AM
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- on the phone, yes I do, although not really when it's with people I know. I rarely use a phone really.
- as for the one-on-one it depends on the person I'm with and the topic of the conversation. If I'm 100% sure of what I'm talking about with someone I know there's hardly any anxiety. However, if I don't know the subject very well or if it's a subjective thing then I tend to be more anxious and don't tell them what I really think.
In groups I tend to stay quiet unless someone asks me a direct question, groups are a bit too much =/

Only the people that need to know, know. Like my parents and counselor at college. It's not something I want to share with everyone.

What do I really want...
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 11:36 AM
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- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike? Yes, with anyone. I only use a phone if absolutely necessary.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group? Yes, with anyone. I try to avoid being one on one with anyone.

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress? I don't have any friends, so that part doesn't apply, but I have SA with everyone, even (and sometimes especially) family members.

- do others know you have SA? I have never told anyone, but I'm sure they have figured it out.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 02:42 PM
 
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- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike?

Not really towards the person Im talking too but more the people around.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group?

Obviously it depends on my relationship with the person but Im usually more likely to go "extrovert mode" in a group/activity etc. Its more tense and uncomfortable 1on1.

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress?


People Im trying to impress/acquaintances mostly(well everybody is an acquaintance to me lol).

- do others know you have SA?


Nope. My sister knows i have social problems etc. but shes not aware of my condition.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 03:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike?
Yes, very much so; although to a lesser extent if someone is extremely familiar.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group?
Both, but much more within a group.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress?
I would have it with friends too, but to a lesser extent.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- do others know you have SA?
Mine is also severe, but I cannot hide it very well and my functioning is mainly affected by autism. I found that hiding the SA symptoms directly correlated with its resulting intensity, so my main coping mechanism is to allow many of the symptoms to show when present.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike?
For me it's not so much the phone conversation itself, it's doing it with other people in the room. I absolutely hate doing that, I always try to find somewhere that I can be alone in while I'm on the phone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group?
Always. The only time I'm fully comfortable is when I'm completely alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress?
Everyone, even close family.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trini View Post
- do others know you have SA?
Don't think so. I haven't told anyone and I try to disguise how I feel as much as I can. People know I'm "quiet" but I don't think it goes any further than that.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 03:35 PM
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- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike? Yes, most of the time. I always feel like I have to impress people, whether it's over the phone or in person or even online.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group? It usually depends on the person, but most of the time, yes. This can be on of the scariest situations for me sometimes!

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress? I have it with everybody, except the few people that make me feel comfortable around them.

- do others know you have SA? My parents know, someone from my church, two friends, and my counsellor. That's about it- but having those people know helps a lot for me.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 04:06 PM
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Yes, Yes, Just with acquaintances or strangers, and No.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInReverie View Post
- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike? Yes, with anyone. I only use a phone if absolutely necessary.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group? Yes, with anyone. I try to avoid being one on one with anyone.

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress? I don't have any friends, so that part doesn't apply, but I have SA with everyone, even (and sometimes especially) family members.

- do others know you have SA? I have never told anyone, but I'm sure they have figured it out.
I'm exactly the same.

"How strange it is to be anything at all"
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 05:10 PM
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do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike?

I do unless it's with close family members. I am really scared to use the phone to book appointments and such. I hold the phone in my hand and rehearse what I'll say for 15 minutes sometimes. I never pick up the phone unless it's family.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group?

I still have SA for sure, but I much prefer one-on-one over groups. If I'm with one other person, I feel like I should try to speak up more and so I do. If I'm with two or more people, I just get nervous and feel like I have nothing good to contribute and I become mute.

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress?

I guess the main time I am nervous when it's one-on-one is with strangers because then I feel like they are more likely to be judging me and I'll probably be trying to hide the fact I'm awkward and shy (while failing miserably). I wouldn't feel very nervous with a friend.

- do others know you have SA?

My family does. Everyone else knows I'm extremely shy, but I'm guessing they have never heard of SA.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-27-2009, 05:58 AM Thread Starter
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Just want to thank all who responded! It makes me feel much better that I'm not alone in the scenarios that I presented.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-27-2009, 08:46 AM
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No phone anxiety at all

Anxiety one on one or within a group depends on the situation and the nature of the conversation.
Ex: discussion at lunch with a group of friends is normally fine but a job interview is rarely fine. So yes, if I am trying to make a good impression with a person/group it will trigger more anxiety

I am not sure if others know that I have SA. Sometimes I feel that maybe they think I am a little bit weird. Once one of my bosses told me that I don't act confident and look weak sometimes in meetings etc. whereas he knows that I have the ability to do it. He advised me to try and look more positive and confident at work since it will boost my image or something. That shows he has no idea about SA but it also implies that when you have SA it shows...
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-27-2009, 09:35 AM
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I do have phone anxiety (in the past I've actively avoided phone calls). My job means I'm on the phone a lot so I think this may have lessened now (I had to ring up my insurance company recently and I didn't do too badly, though I was still far from clear or confident). I think a mobile phone might be good for improving here. I don't really have anyone to ring or take calls from on a personal level though so improvement isn't that easy (work conversations tend to follow a set script, deviation / small talk is still challenging and something which I tend to avoid).

I think I'm better one on one. I'm not great at keeping a conversation going with just one person but I find it easier to get my point across. The conversation flows so quickly in a group setting and you tend to have to be vocal and offer quick funny responses.

I tend to have difficulty across the board. I'm comfortable with my immediate family (though I still struggle with things like eye contact even with them). I think I get better with people over time (but typically by the time I'm more confident they'd already have written me off as too quiet / uninteresting to provide scope for friendship). I do notice it's worse with someone I'm attracted to or an authority figure as it seems to be for many. I've also been fairly bad with relatives who I've known for a long time but haven't built up a relationship with. I think the fact that I've failed to make any social impression upon them during the many years I've known them makes me hesitate even more.

My family knows of my issues and I guess many that I've know have also suspected similar. They tend to suggest Aspergers / Autism as the root cause of my issues. I share a lot of the issues in the threads on here so I'd say the Social Anxiety label seems fairly accurate.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-27-2009, 12:53 PM
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- do you have SA when on the phone, be it with strangers, friends and family alike? I do, with all of the above, just not with my mom and my husband.

I actually find talking on the phone more difficult than talking in person, because on the phone I can't see their facial expressions if I think I said something stupid or something.

- do you have SA when you're just one-on-one in person, be it with a friend, family or strangers or just within a group? I have it even one-on-one with all the above, but like above just not with my mom and my husband. Sadly enough I just concluded I even have it when one-on-one with my 3 year old son
I have anxiety talking to everyone except my mother and sister. Even my father.

- and this is related to the above question but do you have it with friends too or just with acquaintances or strangers or people you're trying to impress? Unfortunately I have it with everyone but like with the above answers, just not with my mom and my husband.

I only have one close friend that I am comfortable talking with , but even with her I feel anxious sometimes.

- do others know you have SA? I've managed to hide it so well my whole life that no one knew, not even my brother and parents. I'll go so far as to say that one of my co-workers who I've shared this with believes that I don't even have it as badly as I say I do due to the fact that I function "normally" in society and can do all the social things I do, even after telling him how it affects me when I'm doing them.

Everyone in my family knows for sure and I'm pretty sure everyone else knows too. Its quite obvious that I am shy, but I don't think anyone knows the term social anxiety. Sometimes I feel like even strangers know.
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