#2 need advice about a girl - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 03:57 AM Thread Starter
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#2 need advice about a girl


Thanks for the advice. Out of respect for the girl, I'm gonna leave it off for now.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 04:21 AM
OMG
 
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Don't contact her until she replies to your text. She's the one obligated right now. If she doesn't respond, then next time you see her in person and begin talking to her, casually ask her how working overtime was. Maybe you can weasel an answer out of her.. like why she didn't reply to your text. She might have been too busy. But in any case, she got your text, she read it, and something got in the way of her replying right away.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 05:41 AM
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Like the above poster said: the ball is in her court. Dont do anything for at least a few days if she doesnt respond.

Just imagine playing catch with someone and instead of waiting for them to throw the ball back you throw 10 more balls. Thats overkill so let her do some work and not you!
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 06:04 AM
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when she heard that "u miss me" comment, it sounded like she panicked. she probably thought you wanted to be friends originally and now that you seem to be getting a little romantic, she's starting to freak out.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 09:02 AM Thread Starter
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Okay, I'm gonna wait. I'm kicking myself for not just asking her out last Sunday when things were golden. If she hits me back or not, I'm okay. Tomorrow, I'm hoping and hoping to G-d that we have the same schedule and break. Because if we do then I know I can get her to go out with me. My anxiety happens too often when I'm not acting. I think I'm more than capable of doing this. Will keep updated.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
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Okay, I won't make the next move unless I see her. Am I right in thinking that anything's possible as long as I stay cool-headed?
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 01:55 PM
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Yup, anything is still possible, just remain relaxed and don't get over anxious (yes I know easier said than done lol).
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 02:04 PM
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propose marriage, to find out if she is serious or not
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-30-2011, 02:49 PM
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Michael1 is joking, by the way.

I like the poster who said 'keeping a cool ahead and you're set (sic)'.

Yeah, it sounds like you're doing all right man. I mean, by your own admission it was when you 'tried for smooth' and instead of just typical that you got an atypical response, right? Maybe you did this because you felt that that was A MOMENT to try and be more suave. Or that you've not had many encounters like this before (no biggee and not as uncommon as you'd otherwise think).

I guess there are two ways of playing it. You can either try and brush it off. If you were doing it that way than I'd say maybe don't try TOO HARD to get her attention. If she's liking you then she'll figure it out. This may sound odd but in reality the LESS attention you give girls, or the more you make them wait, the more they try.

I agree with other posters saying that you should wait. Don't respond in a greater amount unless you really feel its the RIGHT THING TO DO; otherwise more often than not, especially for something that's in a gray area or just starting out, you'll come off as more aggressive than what was otherwise the tone before.

Otherwise, you can address the issue straight out. I would NOT apologize. That's something that makes you seem supplicating. You could just, for instance, thank her for her thoughtfulnss in checking in how you were. A compliment that could follow this might be that you felt it made some of your symptoms ease/made it easier for you overall.

Overall, sir, just remember that these things aren't ever straightforward for ANY of us. Gosling's character in that film 'Crazy Stupid Love' is an exaggeration on many fronts. But just remember there that once he develops more than attraction into actual feelings for the costar, he stumbles. Its because, film example aside, as much as guys are wanting to PURSUE, girls are more often than not flighty and unsure of themselves. It turns into a game, kind of.

For now, just do your coping strategies. Maybe google 'Social SA' Strats. You can rehearse how things go should your schedules not align. Maybe pursue some other females - just small things like reconnecting with a female friend via facebook or responding to a more romantic Craigslist ad - so as to take the pressure off this one chick... And that, finally, is probably the biggest thing that's going on here. You've had a lot of forward action by her and you're worried that because of your comment its all going to crash to a halt.

It won't. But at the same time you still can **** up, but if not now, you can take the time you'd of otherwise spent with her to work on yourself so that when this does arise again (attraction seldom loses its flame no matter the time elapsed) you're more versed with these dynamics/situations!

A little long. Let me know if I made any sense please =)!
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-04-2011, 07:07 PM Thread Starter
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I really need advice and consolation that my actions have been right so far. If someone could please look over at the other thread about this: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...a-girl-135931/ and answer my last post, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm in a lot of emotional turmoil right now with no one to talk to.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-04-2011, 08:33 PM
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Originally Posted by wishmychildhood View Post
I really need advice and consolation that my actions have been right so far. If someone could please look over at the other thread about this: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...a-girl-135931/ and answer my last post, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm in a lot of emotional turmoil right now with no one to talk to.
it sounds like she wants to be friends with you. you can't just assume a girl likes you just because she's nice to you. girls casually bring up other guys they like when they want you to know they just want to be friends. and you saying that you don't care about her problems sounds really rude, to be honest.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-04-2011, 08:54 PM Thread Starter
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it sounds like she wants to be friends with you. you can't just assume a girl likes you just because she's nice to you. girls casually bring up other guys they like when they want you to know they just want to be friends. and you saying that you don't care about her problems sounds really rude, to be honest.
I appreciate the advice, Luffy, but I do know for pretty much a fact how she feels. She's just playing games and doubling me. Believe me, I have enough sisters and female friends to know the difference. But thank you. And btw she doesn't casually bring him up, she doesn't want to hang out w/him was what she's saying to me and I would never tell her idc about her problems, but I don't want to hear about another guy. I honestly can't take that. But I sincerely appreciate you helping.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-04-2011, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by wishmychildhood View Post
I appreciate the advice, Luffy, but I do know for pretty much a fact how she feels. She's just playing games and doubling me. Believe me, I have enough sisters and female friends to know the difference. But thank you. And btw she doesn't casually bring him up, she doesn't want to hang out w/him was what she's saying to me and I would never tell her idc about her problems, but I don't want to hear about another guy. I honestly can't take that. But I sincerely appreciate you helping.
if you're sure that she likes you, then you have nothing to worry about.

just keep trying to find a good time to take her on a date.
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