10 years later, since my first post here.... - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 09:06 PM Thread Starter
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10 years later, since my first post here....


You guys... Its been 10 years since I joined SAS forum. I was 16 when I first joined, and now I'm 26

At 16, social anxiety had crippled every part of my life. I used to wonder back then what was wrong to me, I was so depressed and I used to wonder if I would change and if things would get better in the future.

In those 10 years, my father died, I did A levels, Finished university, Became the sole breadwinner and caretaker of my home when my mom got sick and siblings moved out, started a small business, got into what is now a 5-year relationship with my partner and even managed to get a master's degree.

and you know what? Social anxiety is still here.
I am literally an adult who can't answer a new phone call from new potential clients without taking a deep breath and forcing myself to do it (and mind you, there have been times that I don't answer the phone, because I'm too scared.

I could barely send a WhatsApp message to my current clients for cancellations without having a panic attack beforehand.

I almost quit my master's degree programme because I was too terrified to present my thesis.

Job interviews kill me because I can't find the words or thoughts.

and my boyfriend used to watch in amusement as I struggle to make an order of food.

To a normal person. Things like this seem silly and irrational, but for people like me, the struggle is real.

I've honestly come to the realization and acceptance that social anxiety is always going to be a part of my life. I stopped trying to "talk more" or push myself to be normal. I used to have people tell me I would grow out of this. And for somethings and in some ways, things do get better. But social anxiety is a shadow that is always with me.
It's a daily battle, and you have to keep challenging your thoughts and your fears every day. Somedays you win and some days you lose, but you have to keep going and you can't give up. I've had my own fair share of depression and you have to make it another day, because you deserve another day and another chance.

I want to tell everyone in this community how special and awesome you are. Coming back to this forum feels like home and back when I was a teenager, this forum saved me. There was always someone who knew and understood what I was feeling. so thank you.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 09:21 PM
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Amazing you still manage to achieve all of that while retaining that level of social anxiety. Hope it can be motivating for others.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 03:27 AM
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Congrats, you figured out what this thing really is. When we're quite young we have hope that we can 'overcome' this thing completely like it can one day fade away, but the reality is that the best you can achieve is improve to a point where the symptoms are no longer witholding you from doing the things you want to do in life. Like you said though the shadow will always be there.

So, good for you for not giving up and accomplishing this and sharing it here. I did the same thing a while back, not everyone here was receptive. Some are just too bitter.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 09:18 AM
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This is so good to hear.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kikiwi View Post

It's a daily battle, and you have to keep challenging your thoughts and your fears every day. Somedays you win and some days you lose, but you have to keep going and you can't give up. I've had my own fair share of depression and you have to make it another day, because you deserve another day and another chance.
Yup, the paradox of life... because in the journey of self development, it's not an uphill improvement the whole time. There will be up movements and then down moments then back up, then back down that's even deeper than the starting point, then back up. Progress is not linear. It's like climbing the mountain. You finally reach the top, only to realize there's a bigger peak ahead AND you must go back down to start the next higher peak.

Remember, your views and what you have to say matter to others AND to yourself
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 11:18 AM
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. Sorry I just feel so wiped out after reading some of the threads here that I can relate on some level. I started working retail a few years ago and was horrifying experience on every level. The more exposure the less I wanted to leave my house and never come out.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and than success is sure," Mark Twain

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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by kikiwi View Post
You guys... Its been 10 years since I joined SAS forum. I was 16 when I first joined, and now I'm 26

At 16, social anxiety had crippled every part of my life. I used to wonder back then what was wrong to me, I was so depressed and I used to wonder if I would change and if things would get better in the future.

In those 10 years, my father died, I did A levels, Finished university, Became the sole breadwinner and caretaker of my home when my mom got sick and siblings moved out, started a small business, got into what is now a 5-year relationship with my partner and even managed to get a master's degree.

and you know what? Social anxiety is still here.
I am literally an adult who can't answer a new phone call from new potential clients without taking a deep breath and forcing myself to do it (and mind you, there have been times that I don't answer the phone, because I'm too scared.

I could barely send a WhatsApp message to my current clients for cancellations without having a panic attack beforehand.

I almost quit my master's degree programme because I was too terrified to present my thesis.

Job interviews kill me because I can't find the words or thoughts.

and my boyfriend used to watch in amusement as I struggle to make an order of food.

To a normal person. Things like this seem silly and irrational, but for people like me, the struggle is real.

I've honestly come to the realization and acceptance that social anxiety is always going to be a part of my life. I stopped trying to "talk more" or push myself to be normal. I used to have people tell me I would grow out of this. And for somethings and in some ways, things do get better. But social anxiety is a shadow that is always with me.
It's a daily battle, and you have to keep challenging your thoughts and your fears every day. Somedays you win and some days you lose, but you have to keep going and you can't give up. I've had my own fair share of depression and you have to make it another day, because you deserve another day and another chance.

I want to tell everyone in this community how special and awesome you are. Coming back to this forum feels like home and back when I was a teenager, this forum saved me. There was always someone who knew and understood what I was feeling. so thank you.
That is great, the first steps into managing is to accept that it will always be apart of you, even until you reach your 60s.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-03-2020, 01:02 PM
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Really beautiful to hear kikiwi; glad to hear you're doing a lot better.

I had struggled a lot with social anxiety in the past, and have also made really strong gains. And, at the same time, I definitely still struggle with a form of it today as well.

Social capacity, and social interaction I feel, are definitely things that I feel like one must continue to work on on a regular basis if they've struggled with social anxiety in any serious way in the past
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 08:10 PM
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Your username sounds family... anyways glad to have you back.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-10-2020, 11:15 PM
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Almost 3 years, nothing changed for me...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 03:58 AM
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Well I also have a master's degree (in nuclear science I might add). It has done jack **** and my life is still pointless.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 01:40 AM
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Awesome post!
I was big here when I was about 20, now I'm 35, so I understand that guess what? Life moves on only if you want it to. Challenge yourself everyday.
Be proud of how much you have achieved, even with anxiety. I'm sure it wasn't easy! And we know a lot of people take that journey for granted. Ever look back and go, whaaaa I did all that? How? Brilliant post, thanks for the positivity
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 02:06 AM
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Yeah it doesn't really seem to budge a whole lot. I'd say it only really improves if you have cumulative positive and rewarding experiences when you do things that are essentially exposure therapy. So it seems to improve in some areas, and just perpetually stagnate in other areas where you're not getting the positive feedback that will allow you to desensitise and relax. I also think my social anxiety eases off when I have someone I trust with me (i.e. For some reason I'm usually less anxious ordering food if my partner or a friend is with me). In general when you have more social support you can develop a more positive identity beyond just being socially anxious which also helps, though it's hard to get this. Congrats on all your achievements though! You should be proud of yourself.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 06:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kikiwi View Post
You guys... Its been 10 years since I joined SAS forum. I was 16 when I first joined, and now I'm 26

At 16, social anxiety had crippled every part of my life. I used to wonder back then what was wrong to me, I was so depressed and I used to wonder if I would change and if things would get better in the future.

In those 10 years, my father died, I did A levels, Finished university, Became the sole breadwinner and caretaker of my home when my mom got sick and siblings moved out, started a small business, got into what is now a 5-year relationship with my partner and even managed to get a master's degree.
Great job on all those accomplishments. All very difficult things to do even without SA so your a warrior for doing it with SA. What type of small business did you start? One that requires a lot of selling and customer contact that will really challenge your SA?
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