Still upset over losing former best friend. I'm starting to feel hopeless - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-07-2016, 07:53 PM Thread Starter
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Still upset over losing former best friend. I'm starting to feel hopeless


So I had this friend, pretty much the nicest friend I've ever known... or so I thought. He was the only friend that has ever really shown that they cared. He was the only person I texted everyday for pretty much the last 2 years so losing him has made me feel so alone. He used to tell me how much I meant to him as a friend and how I was really one of the only very close friends he had. In reality though, he's very popular or it least it seems that way on the surface. Lots of FB friends, phone always blowing up with Snapchats and messages. It wasn't until June 2015 when we became really close and within 5 months it was all turned upside down.

He was diagnosed with bipolar and depression years ago but wasn't medicated. Just want to get that out of the way. On graduation day of HS back in June, we had this sentimental hug and he told me that I was one of his best friends. We were going to be going to the same college together in the fall so we had talked bout how great that was going to be.

A few days later, I had said something stupid on an Xbox live chat. Looking back on it, it wasn't anything worth him getting upset over. But he started going on this texting rampage cursing me out and eventually blocking me on Facebook. This caused me so much stress that night because it never happened before. The next morning he unblocked me and went on talking to me like we were best friends and like nothing had ever happened. Back in June when it happened I just brushed it off thinking it wouldn't happen again. Wow, was I so wrong. This kind of stuff has happened at least once a month since.

Basically he hates it when I become a "pity pot". He thinks that I bring him down too much. I agree that I can become that way but I don't think I deserve the way he treats me when he gets angry. One time I was helping him put a piece of furniture together and right after he had thanked me for helping, he started yelling at me for being slow doing it. It's like he just snaps like an animal. His response when I call him out on it, "If you don't like it, there's the door. I don't need you as a friend" ...So I dealt with it.

So fast forward to November... we had gotten over our last fight where we hadn't spoken for a month. He had said that I should "go away for awhile"... so I did. He had apologized for hurting my feelings for anything he said to me and he really seemed to feel bad about it. He said that he couldn't believe that our friendship had almost been ruined by the fight. Soon after that, I went to his house to hangout and we had a good time.

But after I had hung out at his house I was getting nervous because he wasn't replying to my messages. He was posting on Snapchat at the same time so I thought he was mad at me and ignoring me. On the second day of no text back I said "We just hung out and now you won't talk to me, what's going on?" Well he got mad at me for that and when I finally got ahold of him on Facebook two days after he had said that he had no 3G and couldn't get my messages.

I apologized a lot because I felt stupid. It's just that ever since he started these outbursts towards me I get overly defensive. So I tried talking to him over Xbox but he basically laughed in my face. He said that he has too much success going for him and he wasn't going to let me bring him down. He said that he's already dealt with me acting this way 3 other times and that if I did it again he wouldn't talk to me anymore. He then unfriended me on Facebook.

We went from being absolute best friends to him hating me in a matter of half a year. I blame myself for being a pity pot, though I know how much of an *** hole he could be sometimes. I just don't understand how he could go from being so sincerely caring towards me and our friendship and then for it to all fall apart like this so quickly. How he can just stop talking to me and not care, while I'm sitting here 2 months later still upset.

Honestly if I talked to my other friends more often I wouldn't even miss him. But truth is, we don't really text much and my attempts have been pretty useless. Our convos are alway super short which is weird because we're pretty close in real life.

I understand that this friend that I had the fall out with is an A-HOLE, but he was the only one i had to talk to and the only one to really care about me... even with all the **** I had to go through. I guess that's what happens when you don't have many friends. You take what you can get.

I did try to talk to him over Twitter a month ago but he tried to pretend like he didn't know who I was. That really ****ing hurt a lot. Especially since it was right after my birthday, and I had gotten him a card with a small gift for his birthday.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 10:05 PM Thread Starter
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***bump**
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 10:10 PM
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dont worry bro people with bipolar can be really mean and rude, doesnt sound like you did anything wrong so definitely dont worry, had nothing to do with you. sounds like hes becoming an airhead thinking he has such a successful life and can dump his "lesser" friends, but usually people like that crumble down and become homeless
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 10:19 PM Thread Starter
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dont worry bro people with bipolar can be really mean and rude, doesnt sound like you did anything wrong so definitely dont worry, had nothing to do with you. sounds like hes becoming an airhead thinking he has such a successful life and can dump his "lesser" friends, but usually people like that crumble down and become homeless
I just can't help but miss him even though he's a total *** hole. It's been two months and I still feel like ****. I just have to promise myself never to get attached to people again. Easier said than done. :/
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 10:23 PM
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I just can't help but miss him even though he's a total *** hole. It's been two months and I still feel like ****. I just have to promise myself never to get attached to people again. Easier said than done. :/
i know its hard to feel alone and feel like you need him

you really just need a friend or girlfriend, dont get together with people who are abusive, unless they only act that way rarely, its not good for a friend to say he doesnt want you and act like an unsympathetic person
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-08-2016, 11:07 PM
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I had a friend like that once, but instead of throwing pity parties it was always me intentionally annoying him, and laughing when he got mad. It was actually pretty funny because he had this complex and try to get all authoritative at random times and sometimes when I made him mad, but it was funny, and he never said anything, despite how annoying I ever was, to infer that he didn't want to be friends.

Anyway, the moral of the story is: You just gotta be happier. HE said alot about you being a "pity pot," well I get the impression, and I could be wrong, but it sounds like you complained to him alot about your problems and that made up the majority of the friendship. Friendship is about joking, bantering, and having a good time with one another at a party or whatever.

Don't be mad, hatin is bad
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2016, 06:36 AM
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I just can't help but miss him even though he's a total *** hole. It's been two months and I still feel like ****. I just have to promise myself never to get attached to people again. Easier said than done. :/
No!!! Don't do that. That's the worst thing you could do. Just try to find another friend that's not a jerk. It sounds like you two were close at one point but he became something else unrecognizable and it became unbearable after that point.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:38 PM
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I have to agree with Anti depressant. Don't let one person ruin your chances of finding great friends in the future. We as humans have a strong desire for companionship and intimacy with others on a non sexual level. Don't deny yourself of something natural. I tried and failed and ended up turning on myself. Always be able to appreciate your own company, but don't walk away from what could be many more doors opening for fulfilling relationships. Stay strong bud!

From the Underground,

Peace

All I want is for somebody (a platonic friend) to love me the same way I love them... Have me like I have them...Never leave me like I'd never leave them...Die for me...Like I'd die for them....
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