Invited to my boyfriend's friend's bridal shower - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
94duvillet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 1

Invited to my boyfriend's friend's bridal shower


Hey everyone. I have been dealing with my anxiety since middle school and recently it has become very debilitating. I haven't been able to hang out with anyone except my boyfriend without experiencing some anxiety. My boyfriend's best friend got engaged and we were invited to their engagement party and I could not attend. I just do not have the ability to go to such a function with so many people. I made up an excuse that my friend was in town and would not be able to go. I've been dreading attending the wedding. A wedding? A big wedding? No thank you. I cannot handle it. I keep trying to think of ways to avoid it but there is no backing out of that. My boyfriend is the best man. He would be so upset if I didn't go. Today I recieved an invite in the mail for the bridal shower. It was addressed to just me. As it goes, bridal showers are usually just women. How am I expected to attend something like that without my safety blanket that is my boyfriend? I cannot do it. As soon as I saw the invite I physically felt sick. I got nauseous and started shouting NO NO NO and sobbing. I am TERRIFIED to attend this. My boyfriend is begging me to go. He says its embarassing that I bail out of everything we/I am invited too. I told him how I feel, how it physically makes me ill to think about going. He just does not understand. I've been crying all day thinking about this. How do I decline without insulting the bride? How do I hide? I want to not be a thought in these peoples minds. I don't want to be invited to these things. I don't want to be included. I wish I could tell them this. No one understands though. I don't know what to do. I feel very miserable and misunderstood. I am not trying to be rude. I am not trying to embarrass my boyfriend. But I physically cannot handle going to this event. Especially alone. I cannot do it.
94duvillet is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 05:42 PM
Estoylistoparalamuerte
 
SofaKing's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Someplace sofaking awesome
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,928
My Mood: Lonely
Instead of being focused on what you can't do, start thinking about what you possibly can do.

Maybe you make an agreement that you go for 30 minutes with the option to extend.

At least you have a way out that shows you tried.

It sounds like it'll eventually become a relationship issue, otherwise.

Quote:
“What if this is as good as it gets?” - Melvin Udall
SofaKing is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 07:30 PM
monk
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 35
Posts: 6,320
My Mood: Amazed
Quote:
Originally Posted by SofaKing View Post
Instead of being focused on what you can't do, start thinking about what you possibly can do.

Maybe you make an agreement that you go for 30 minutes with the option to extend.

At least you have a way out that shows you tried.

It sounds like it'll eventually become a relationship issue, otherwise.
yeah definitely a time limit is a good idea.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
 
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-23-2019, 11:30 PM
untitled document
 
Paul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: California Republic
Language: None
Age: 39
Posts: 6,125
If it's just numbers that bother you, and you aren't up to trying it, then maybe you could arrange to meet the bride on your own another day and bring her a present and treat it like a mini-bridal-shower.

Best to attend though, even if you just sit in the corner.

SA Game | Sacramento SA Meetup

"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'" ― Kurt Vonnegut
Paul is online now  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 10:39 AM
SAS Member
 
DanielKant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Hungary
Language: English, German, Hungarian, Swedish
Gender: Male
Posts: 16
All guys before me are right. Imagine how freaking proud you'll be of yourself if you'll only stay for 30 mins
DanielKant is offline  
post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-25-2019, 12:46 PM
SAS Member
 
Unforgiven17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 328
My Mood: Tired
I'm going to go against the grain a bit judging by the other replies.

I think if the thought is making you so ill, don't go. But I do think you should attend the places you are invited to with your boyfriend. Perhaps the thought of attending something without your boyfriend will make it slightly easier to attend stuff with him. I'm sure if you explain it like that to your boyfriend he will be ok with it.

Send a small present to the bride instead so she a least knows you aren't avoiding to be rude. Something thoughtful.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't as conscious as I am. It would be so much easier."
Unforgiven17 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome