If I had just 1 truly quality friend irl then... - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-27-2020, 09:03 AM
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Trouble with only having 1 friend is, when they hang out with their others friends and go out for drinks without you etc, and your friend never invites you, it kind of makes you feel left out and unwanted. Yes, I talk from experience.
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-27-2020, 09:18 AM
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That's inevitable. Sometimes, even people who have lots of friends can't hang out because all of them are either busy or hanging out with someone else. You could try to get closer to your friend's friends, to have more chances to be invited to things, or go to meet ups when none of your friends are available.
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-27-2020, 09:20 AM
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You can still find a true friend or at least friendly people here that will lend you their ear (love that saying) but yes I've had issues with "friends" bailing out once they realized I wasn't useful to them anymore.
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-27-2020, 09:40 AM
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I think most people feel this way at some point, but especially introverts. I always ever wanted just one person who knew and understood me really deeply, who would accept all my flaws and enjoy spending time with me anyway. Having multiple friends made me feel uneasy because I didn't like having to divide my time and attention, and I didn't like being around multiple people at once.

But at some point I realized how unrealistic that is, at least as an adult. I think kids manage to find that kind of friendship because kids are relatively simple, in terms of typically not having strong views with regards to things like religion, politics, sexuality, etc. After you grow up it becomes far less likely that you'll find someone you mesh with that closely. Adults also tend to have more ulterior motives for friendships, whereas at least young kids typically don't.

I also realized at some point that I could be that friend for myself. Maybe that sounds crazy to some people but it works for me.

"Asking 'If there is no God, what is the purpose of life?' is like asking 'If there is no master, whose slave will I be?'" - Dan Barker
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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-27-2020, 11:56 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadow123 View Post
Not surprised, everyone too preoccupied with themselves.
lol
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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-27-2020, 12:38 PM
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Like Tetragammon said, we can be that friend to ourself, and I think that's usually the best route to take. If we make someone else our rock, if we lean too heavily on them, then we'll feel like the rug is pulled out from under us when they can't support us anymore or for whatever reason choose not to. The most stable thing is to become your own rock.

Don't get me wrong, friendship can be a wonderful thing. But it can also be messy and complicated especially if we bring a lot of emotions into it. So for me at least it's about finding that balance between building each other up while not putting too much pressure on each other. It helps if you're on a similar life path so the friendship isn't just about the two of you but the journey you're both sharing and pushing each other forward on.
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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-28-2020, 11:48 AM
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i forgot to menation lily a mental health club might be a good option for you.....im a member of one and i find you meet nice, humble folk there who understand.....as i said mental health clubs are places where you can go to participate in art, craetive writing, drama, yoga or group therapy to name but a few or else you can just drop in for a coffee.....these places are invaluable.....just ask your psychiatrist if you have one as social anxiety is regarded as a mental illness and thus you could qualify for membership......or else you could just say you have depression as well....PM me if you want to know more
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-28-2020, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you everyone.
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-28-2020, 12:48 PM
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I wish one person took/takes me seriously when I say something is wrong, or when I'm having off days due to what is wrong. But I think we all wish for that.
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-29-2020, 10:10 PM
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I completely feel the same way. I think this is why I tried to get close to people are my job because I that's the only time I really talk to anybody.
But wow! Big mistake!! They acted very friendly towards me but once they quit they vanished from my life. That hurt. Now I realize work needs to stay at work. It's not a place to build friendship.

But yeah, I'd love one good friend for that support and just someone to hang out with. I feel so self conscious doing certain things alone in public, I could really use a buddy.

It's difficult because people my age already have their own family and friends and I'm not a competitive person. I mean what would I have to offer? Why would they choose to hangout with me instead of someone they've known for years? Just really sucks.
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post #31 of 32 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 05:33 AM
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I'd be happy if i had a friend irl too. Or even online but yea i doubt that will happen ever.
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post #32 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 11:05 PM
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I've never actually had friends so I'm not exactly sure what that means. But sure I would like one.

Problem is I have nothing to bring to the table. I have no interests, I'm bad at conversations and absolutely no drive to do anything these days. I don't know why anyone would waste their time with me.
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