Ideas about how to deal with "friends" - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-10-2019, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24

Ideas about how to deal with "friends"


Hello, I'm college student and I have "friends" (I don't consider them real cuz they only care when THEY need something). I even can see fakeness in their eyes, when I look into them I can almost see "hehe you idiot, im just trying to fake my friendship cuz you're smart and can help my lazy ***". Well, to the point, I'm almost 100% sure, they won't even bother to write me anything in summer holidays, and if they forget my b-day which they can see in my nickname in Discord and I told it when it was a few times, I don't want to know them really, NEITHER do I want to help them next year then, may they burn with their problems, if they can't be there when they are not in need of something, I don't want to be there for them when their *** is in trouble. The problem is, I wouldn't have with whom to do group asignments (well two-people asignments), which is bad. So maybe it's not good to make any speculations too early, but I would be interested what others might think/do in my situation. Share your thoughts, thanks, and sorry for mistakes.
Wunderblitz is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-19-2019, 09:15 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 667
It sounds like you're waiting for these people to act towards you in certain ways before you consider them friends. That's called, "having expectations." Having expectations of someone usually causes you to feel frustration and resentment towards that person. And the most irritating part is that the other person is able go on without a worry because they have no idea of what you feel.



Just because they don't respond to you in the way you hope, doesn't mean they're being malicious. People handle friendships in different ways. Since you seem to be the one who's upset and not them, you're the one who has to take action: Either forget about them or maybe ask them for favors to see if they reciprocate. Just don't wait and hope they know what you want.
dre3 is offline  
post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-20-2019, 12:16 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
Well, ya see, I tried to act upon them, but they dont care. How should I feel if Im the ONLY one who initiates messages. I tried to ask them to go out somewhere, "me no time, me very busy" although they often hangout with others, I hear from their conversations. You can say Im vengeful person full of hate but I want them to feel isolated and helpless one day, when you ask for help and only thing you get is slap in your face. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Wunderblitz is offline  
 
post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-20-2019, 07:45 AM
The Groat King
 
funnynihilist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 15,703
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
"me no time, me very busy"
This made me laugh because it's so true.
I generally try to stay away from "busy" people, they are the worst.
I mean, there are some people who are actually busy but most people are just "busy".
funnynihilist is offline  
post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-20-2019, 09:36 AM
indo cloudhead
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,407
Forget about them. Move on. It will be difficult (emotionally), but you have to do it.

They are emotional vampires and they don't give a crap about you.
Posted via Mobile Device
versikk is offline  
post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-20-2019, 09:38 AM
indo cloudhead
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,407
Quote:
Originally Posted by dre3 View Post
It sounds like you're waiting for these people to act towards you in certain ways before you consider them friends. That's called, "having expectations." Having expectations of someone usually causes you to feel frustration and resentment towards that person. And the most irritating part is that the other person is able go on without a worry because they have no idea of what you feel.



Just because they don't respond to you in the way you hope, doesn't mean they're being malicious. People handle friendships in different ways. Since you seem to be the one who's upset and not them, you're the one who has to take action: Either forget about them or maybe ask them for favors to see if they reciprocate. Just don't wait and hope they know what you want.
Superb post.
Posted via Mobile Device
versikk is offline  
post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-21-2019, 06:07 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
Thanks, well ofc I want to dump them, the problem would be, who will I do my group asignments with then, cuz everyone got into cliques and dont want to accept new people or swap places ya know. Well maybe Ill try to arrange something and help people who dont have constant pardners. I think its time to help other people in my class and get their grades a littlr bit better, not cuz I really care about them, but cuz I want to get those @55holes jealous and wanna see them burn. What passive aggresive ******* I am. Oof.
Wunderblitz is offline  
post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-21-2019, 07:39 AM
SAS Member
 
Deaf Mute's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Ether
Language: Non-Verbal communication
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 729
My Mood: Sleepy
I agree with Versikk, just be cool and unavailable to everyone, and it might be better just to do the group assignments with random people. I mean you can still talk to them (your friends) if they initiate conversation but keep busy with your own projects/goals.

You may get the passive-agressive satisfaction you seek just by being unavailable too but even if you don't, it's okay because you would have saved a tonne of time/drama. This way you can slowly drift apart if you want to cut them off.

There are so many moments in my life where I wish I had never made contact with certain people or bothered making "friends"... If I could re-do my whole schooling life again, I'd just go solo and focus on my own personal projects since once you're out in the real working world, no one gives a **** and people move on and form new connections anyway.

Usually after HS/tert people's personalities become more developed/matured and that's when they start to really know who they are/what they want and what sort of people they want to be with. Some of my past "friendships" from HS I outgrew and felt I no longer wanted to maintain connections since we all wanted different things from life (but mostly because of all the toxic drama + baggage from immaturity lmao ).

I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.
Deaf Mute is offline  
post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-21-2019, 07:39 AM
indo cloudhead
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
Thanks, well ofc I want to dump them, the problem would be, who will I do my group asignments with then, cuz everyone got into cliques and dont want to accept new people or swap places ya know. Well maybe Ill try to arrange something and help people who dont have constant pardners. I think its time to help other people in my class and get their grades a littlr bit better, not cuz I really care about them, but cuz I want to get those @55holes jealous and wanna see them burn. What passive aggresive ******* I am. Oof.
dont get swallowed by vengeance, there's nothing to gain from that.

AIIOW3VERYT_8N5H47EE
the demon is the healer
versikk is offline  
post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-21-2019, 08:13 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by versikk View Post
dont get swallowed by vengeance, there's nothing to gain from that.
Just a question out of interest/philosophical question. Many people say like this. Well, maybe the gain is only emotional (you feel good for at least some time). But what can you lose? People spreading rumors about your vengeful nature? Might be. Nobody wanting to befriend you? Might be. Any other reasons?...
Yes, it takes many time, to plan all those attacks on others, the evil consumes you as all your thoughts are concentrated on revenge. On the other hand, if you're already unfortunate, lonely and angry person, who tried everything to change situation, but people don't want to deal with you (and you can't change peoples' thinking ofc), so the only thing to do, is going into all this drama, or how to call it.
Wunderblitz is offline  
post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-21-2019, 09:35 AM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Rich elitist liberal city
Posts: 77
If people consider someone lowly and inferior, they're never going to be genuine friends with them - they'll just be bullying and toxic towards them. They will ignore the lowly "friend" until they're able to take advantage of that "friend."

I remember a poor bullied guy in a class I took a few years ago. There were a few people who were wiling to interact with him once in a while, but in the hierarchy of friends, they considered him pretty low down. I remember one of his "friends" ignored him until she wanted him to buy her husband's camera equipment.

There's been people in the past I've considered my true friends, but they never considered me a friend - at least, I was far down the totem pole for them. My texts would go unanswered, causing me serious inconvenience and anxiety - while they'd immediately and enthusiastically respond to texts from who they considered their true friends.

For a friendship (or relationship?) to be equal, where both parties are kind and respectful to each other - both need to genuinely consider the other an equal. You can't have one looking down on the other and seeing that "friend" as a friend of convenience, or someone to have around when they can take advantage of them, or someone who's fun to bully and be the butt of jokes.
SASsier1 is offline  
post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 02:00 AM
indo cloudhead
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
the evil consumes you as all your thoughts are concentrated on revenge.
dark deeds darken your soul. you said it yourself

AIIOW3VERYT_8N5H47EE
the demon is the healer
versikk is offline  
post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 05:51 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by versikk View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
the evil consumes you as all your thoughts are concentrated on revenge.
dark deeds darken your soul. you said it yourself [IMG class=inlineimg]/forum/images/SAS_2015/smilies/tango_face_smile.png[/IMG]
Guess Im joining dark side of the force. XD
Wunderblitz is offline  
post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 07:27 AM
indo cloudhead
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
Guess Im joining dark side of the force. XD
you're on your own then.

AIIOW3VERYT_8N5H47EE
the demon is the healer
versikk is offline  
post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 08:59 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by versikk View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wunderblitz View Post
Guess Im joining dark side of the force. XD
you're on your own then.
So be it Yoda.
Wunderblitz is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome