Do you guys truly want friends? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
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I could be content in an abyss.
Would you ever try reaching out to some in that abyss?
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:20 PM Thread Starter
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Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.
Would you take a new friendship slowly then?
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:22 PM Thread Starter
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Yes and yes. But nobody really wants someone like me for a friend so there isn't really anything I can do about it.
How do you know no one wants you for a friend? I understand maybe some people, but everyone?
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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:40 PM
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Have you ever had a relationship where you dont have to get drunk and you feel like you are not boring the other person?

When I was younger, I had a few friends but they never really lasted very long. We would tend to play dungeons and dragons, go out riding our bikes, and the such. My best friend as a child was a girl, and we would typically have little parties with our stuffed animals



I am married, and don't need to be drunk around my wife, but it is different with relationships than it is with friends.



Answer me this, anyone is welcome to participate if they desire. If you had a friend, what would you do with them? What would the ideal friendship be like, and when you think of people who are friends what do you think they typically do together?


I'm drawing blanks, because I haven't a clue what friends do together once they are in adulthood. The only thing I would think of, involves a bit of booze and doing chores and favors for one another

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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:57 PM
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My real life relationships with people have always been complicated. There are a lot of people I get along well with very casually and probably quite a few people who are interested in a lot of the stuff I'm interested in. But "friends" is deeper than that. It doesn't feel right to stop communicating with a friend for a month and then pick up like nothing happened. Or at least I always got the feeling they expected to hang out every day and just drop by unannounced and so forth. Like if they called and I didn't answer, they would keep calling over and over and over for days. How do you approach the subject diplomatically and say "You know Mike, I like hanging out but ummmmm......could you not do that?" I'm not good at turning people down. And I just need that. I need to breathe.

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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 09:16 PM
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Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.
Would you take a new friendship slowly then?
It would be hard for me, as I have not successfully integrated new people in my life since my childhood--I feel like I walk on egg shells with people, as though anything I say or do will cause me to lose them, and that sensation never really goes away for me.

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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 01:14 AM
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Of course. But it's hard to find friends that are loyal and supportive.

The one friend I have treats me as an option and have chosen others over me time and time again.

I feel resentment towards her.

I don't trust anyone.
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 01:25 AM
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How do you know no one wants you for a friend? I understand maybe some people, but everyone?
Because people don't want to be seen in public with someone who looks like a middle-aged man in a dress. Not only would they be stigmatized with me, but it could be dangerous. The only people who might be okay with that are other people like myself, and in the 20 years I've lived here I've never seen anyone fitting that description.

I'm also very poor and mentally ill in ways that are probably visible to others and will probably be homeless in the near future. Nobody wants to deal with the kinds of problems that I have. Nor do I blame them. Most people seem to dislike me on sight. If they do have to interact with me, they seem eager to get rid of me. It's hard to make friends if people try to get away from you as fast as they can.

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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 02:20 AM
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And a nice ladypartner for sexytimes and intimacy.

ahem


im still ****ing here mate you know, try and be sensitive

**** your feelings !!


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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 02:24 AM
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Can I ask a question as I havent had this form of anxiety, would a few socially anxious people be good, friendwise, for each other?

**** your feelings !!


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post #31 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 03:58 AM
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No, I don't think I do, not sure, I like the idea of friends, maybe under the right circumstance, but I hate feeling socially pressured or obligated.

Trying to fit into the toxic masculinity culture that generally permeates doesn't do it for me.






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
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post #32 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 05:25 AM
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Will you ever try hanging out with them outside?
Yes and no - I've gone to a few student events, as well as visited work-events (parties n such), and in hobbies I will take part in competitions which usually include some team stuff as well (usually team gatherings, group pictures etc - it's an individualistic sport, but your 'team' is the people you train with).

But I will keep them brief, and avoid many of them as well. Outside the context where I know the people from - no.
With the older friends I go out a couple times a year.

(But in general I don't really want to have 'friends' in that sense).

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post #33 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 12:44 PM
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ahem


im still ****ing here mate you know, try and be sensitive
I may look for another special friend
for this I cannot begin to pretend
But D'avjo you be my sweetest love
For you I will always don my disposable glove

(for washing up, and stuff, ofc).

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Can I ask a question as I havent had this form of anxiety, would a few socially anxious people be good, friendwise, for each other?
It's never happened irl.

But I think so, at least, two shy people.

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post #34 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 01:20 PM
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No. I don't care about or need friends. If I meet someone and we hit it off, get along, can have a healthy and productive friendship and have similar interests, then cool. I highly doubt this is going to happen, though, especially where I live right now, and I'm waaay past the point of caring. I'm engaged so I'm no longer lonely, and I don't find it necessary to have friends. It might be healthy and beneficial in some way, but I honestly just don't care anymore lol.
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post #35 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 01:26 PM
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.


I don't make an effort with new people to become friends but if we do it's cool but I don't waste energy
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post #36 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 02:32 PM
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I have a few friends but we're not too close and don't really share the same interests. We hang out once in a while just because, I guess. When I was younger I had some really close friends and we all shared very similar interests, that was amazing. Don't think I'll ever experience that again. I would never want like a ton of friends and acquaintances, that would be too much work. Just maybe a couple of close ones. But I'm so avoidant and self-abasing I don't think that's possible.


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post #37 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by D'avjo View Post
Can I ask a question as I havent had this form of anxiety, would a few socially anxious people be good, friendwise, for each other?

I think they would be, so long as they shares similar interests and were on the same wavelength. There are multiple factors that determine if people will be compatible friends or not. For the most part, the more similar they are the better friends they will probably be.


I've been out haunting the neighborhood
And everybody can see I'm no good
When I'm walking out between parked cars
With my head full of stars
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post #38 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 03:23 PM
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post #39 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 03:35 PM
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I can honestly say that I don't. Socializing is too difficult for me and my feeling has been that I don't have a right to inflict myself on anybody and waste their time with someone as lame as me. I can't even run my own life properly, so how could I run a friendship or romantic relationship properly? That's why I keep people at arm's length - just professional but courteous and helpful as much as I can be, but I can only go so far.
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post #40 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 07:58 PM
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Nope. Don't care at all. Friends are rare when you get older anyways and sounds too. difficult to keep a friend. I dont even know what having. a friend is like as an adult. I prefer online friends.
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