Do you guys truly want friends? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Do you guys truly want friends?


I know I do, just lack confidence and social skills. Do you feel lonely?
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post #2 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 01:47 PM
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Yes and yes. But nobody really wants someone like me for a friend so there isn't really anything I can do about it.

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post #3 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 02:22 PM
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I can't really think of anything I would do with a friend, I haven't had one for over twenty years now and most of the things I would do in my twenties with friends involved partying. I'm not very witty, or a strong conversationalist so I would probably bore a lot of people, I guess it would be cool to play a few video games with.. ultimately though, I think if I had friends we would just resort to getting drunk


It is probably better that I don't have friends.

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post #4 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 02:27 PM
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I'm pretty bad at keeping in contact with people online, and I guess I don't want friends irl but it's more complicated than that there are a few things I don't feel comfortable opening up about with most people which sort of makes friendship impossible and pointless. Sometimes I've spoken to people a lot but we never really got close. Also I'm pretty robotic too in some ways. It's very easy for me to talk to people about stuff that interests me but I'm not very good at intimacy or small talk or the other stuff really just being a normal person in general lol.

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post #5 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 02:46 PM
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I crave connection and belonging but its good to have healthy friendships. I just wish it were easier then taking a calculus I II or III course at university.

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post #6 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 02:57 PM
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The fact that you have to talk a lot really puts me off.
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post #7 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 03:52 PM
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I quite honestly don't even want to live to be honest. Life's just a big war. Between countries and between people. It's just tiresome and the fact that I am at the bottom of any kind of totem pole makes it that much worse for me personally.
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post #8 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 04:15 PM
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Not anymore. People are nasty and awful towards people with issues like mine. I'm a mentally ill social beta, always have been and always will be and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Being around pretty much anyone other than my partner has become painful for me
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post #9 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 04:52 PM
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errrrrrrrr with actual people? not most people. my kind of people.

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post #10 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 04:56 PM
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I like the idea of friends more than I actually want them. I think a better way to put it is, I want the right friends who also consider me the same way.
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post #11 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 05:04 PM
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Yes. I have one very good one. I need 3 or 4.

And a nice ladypartner for sexytimes and intimacy.

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post #12 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 05:35 PM
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The number of human beings that are genuinely asocial is probably really low, so I imagine the answer from most will be yes.


For me this has been a perpetual struggle because my idea of friendship is probably far too difficult to attain and even the closest human relationships I've had really didn't come too close to it, even if some were still pretty positive, despite investing years into some of them. Even more so because I've realized that inevitably it's all temporary, people move on and that's just the way it is.


I admit it's profoundly discouraging thinking that best case scenario it will take me at least a couple of years to form another one when I'm not even sure if I'll be alive by year's end, but I guess all we can really do is try no matter the odds.
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post #13 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 05:40 PM
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yeah sure


if we can cuddle too that would be nice.
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post #14 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 06:00 PM
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I used to have quite a few friends when I was younger. I think in many ways it's easier when you're young - you're life is less complicated. Once you get married and have kids things get a lot trickier and you just don't have as much time. Plus more things have happened to you - and to your friends.

I'd quite like a couple more people that are understanding of my mental health issues. That mainly just involves them liking me enough to put up with me - which one or two still do, but one here in Melbourne has no understanding of it at all - so I feel less inclined to talk to him.

Thank God I'm still friends with my wife. She doesn't really get all this either but why should she be expected to - she still likes me though so that's enough. We tolerate each other's nonsense.
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post #15 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 06:09 PM
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I don't want friends, but I do feel lonely sometimes.

I'm quite frequently offered opportunities to make friends (coworkers, schoolmates, hobbies).
While I chat with them in the situation, I usually avoid any deeper contact with them (not exchanging phone numbers, no social media, not hanging with them outside the place I know them from).

That being said, I have some older friendships that I value to some degree.
As for making new ones, I feel like I don't connect well enough with people (what they're interested in, how they approach things, what they talk about etc).

I guess the benefit of friends can be being able to explore ideas from new perspectives.
Just that, with people being interested in different things...

Also, I would prefer having that without having to spend any extra time connecting.

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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 07:15 PM
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Sometimes I do but then I see all the drama & BS of other people’s lives & want nothing to do with it
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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 07:16 PM
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Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.

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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zonebox View Post
I can't really think of anything I would do with a friend, I haven't had one for over twenty years now and most of the things I would do in my twenties with friends involved partying. I'm not very witty, or a strong conversationalist so I would probably bore a lot of people, I guess it would be cool to play a few video games with.. ultimately though, I think if I had friends we would just resort to getting drunk


It is probably better that I don't have friends.
Have you ever had a relationship where you dont have to get drunk and you feel like you are not boring the other person?
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:14 PM
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I could be content in an abyss.
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:17 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raies View Post
I don't want friends, but I do feel lonely sometimes.

I'm quite frequently offered opportunities to make friends (coworkers, schoolmates, hobbies).
While I chat with them in the situation, I usually avoid any deeper contact with them (not exchanging phone numbers, no social media, not hanging with them outside the place I know them from).

That being said, I have some older friendships that I value to some degree.
As for making new ones, I feel like I don't connect well enough with people (what they're interested in, how they approach things, what they talk about etc).

I guess the benefit of friends can be being able to explore ideas from new perspectives.
Just that, with people being interested in different things...

Also, I would prefer having that without having to spend any extra time connecting.
Will you ever try hanging out with them outside?
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