Hello people. Ive decided that i can talk to no one about my social anxiety, so i have come here. I talk to my family about it, my mom thinks shes failed as a mother, and my dad cant wrap his stupid mind around it, and criticises me and makes fun of me because i have no friends.
I was once a happy introvert. Around the time i was entering middle school, my dad realized that i wasnt going out with my firneds or having them come over. I was always quiet, but this is because i was a naturally introverted person. Around 7th and 8th grade, a very sensitive time for everyone id think, my parents criticized me and *****ed at me every single day because i never went out or had anyone over. They always wanted me to be a perfect child, in everything i do. I had to be the best athlete, student, and the most social child. They always said that because i never talked to my friends outside of school id fail. To this day they still call me the weird quiet kid. They take care of me in every way, but pick on me for being quiet. I used to talk to my frineds in school, and be funny with me friends, but around 9th grade the anxiety started to get really bad. I became extremely quiet, and didnt talk to any of my friends anymore. I truly beieved i was just that weird quiet kid everyone thought would bring a gun to school.
Now im at my first year in college. Im living it home, and the school is 10 minutes away. I have no friends at all, and my parents are trying to make me fufill their dream of being a pro baseball player. They want me to be a pro baseball player, and thats all they care about. I used to like baseball. When i was four, i told my parents i wanted to play baseball, and they never let go of that. I played little league in elementary school, and it was fun until it got serious. My dad became my coach around 3rd grade, and coached my team. He was very hard on me. Id strike out, and hed swear at me and yell at me. So i was so scared to strike out, i usually struk out, and my stomach dropped every time. then in 4th grade,my parents enrolled me in a 500$ baseball academy i went to 3 times a week. And it just got more serious, i stopped going to the academy in 6th grade. I played through out highschool and am playing now in college. My dad calls me a stupid jock, and he says " look, now you get to play the one thing you love at a college level"..My parents tell me what to like, and they pretend to support my major choice of psychology. Its a HUGE insult to call me a stupid jock. Im an INTP personality. Check that test out, the myers briggs personality test. An INTP is curious and a thinker, and good at anything they put their minds to. Every time my dad calls me a stupid jock i wana punch him in the face, because thats what he wants me to be. One of those stupid idiots obsessed with sports and parties and stuff.
Sorry for ranting , its another intp trait. Hopefully i can get some kind of enjoyment from this forum. Misery loves company right? Its not like i have anyone to talk to in real life.