Possibly some social anxiety symptoms...
Hi, I am a 26 year old female. My main diagnosis is Persistent Depressive Disorder. Also struggle with suicidal ideation. On meds for depression and had years of therapy for depression. Recently, started therapy again.
Today I realized I might also have some very mild symptoms of social anxiety that is interfering with my work life in a pretty weird way. Not even sure if this is social anxiety but here it is.
Possible signs of social anxiety that interfere with my life:
- I co-facilitate trainings of 4 to 6 new volunteers once a month.
I'm scared I'll make a mistake and my co-workers will judge me and think I am stupid and incompetent and laugh at me internally. 1.5 to 2 weeks before a training, I start to panic. Also, I stutter in front of the new volunteers and generally feel like I am embarrassing myself but my boss says I'm doing a great job. One time I had so much anxiety (combined with depression) that I decided I'd rather die than do the training so my co-worker ended up taking over for me.
-During a mandatory social event, my boss once commented that I am always isolating myself. So now I make more of an effort to do small talk for mandatory work events.
-When I interview people, I get too scared to ask follow up questions so I don't. And I'M the interviewer. lol. I stick to reading the questions from the paper and even then I stumble on my words because I'm scared. I'm mostly scared of my co-workers judgement because she is co-interviewing with me. She does like 85% of the talking.
-I never have anything to say during meetings and I think people might think I'm stupid because I don't contribute. I don't have any feedback.
Signs of social anxiety that DON'T bother me too much(lol):
-Yesterday, I was too shy to take the elevator so I took the stairs instead.
-I avoid leaving at the same time as other people so I don't have to make small talk on the way out so I always stay late and pretend I have something I didn't finish.
-I avoid using the restroom at the same time as other people. I use a the restroom on a different floor.
-I avoid refilling my cup of water because I'm embarrassed that other people are judging me for drinking too much water. Then I get dehydrated.
-I delay using the restroom because I'm scared people will get mad I'm using the restroom a lot.
-I considered switching fields entirely or going back to school or becoming a stay at home mom to avoid work because I'm scared people will judge me
I come off as VERY nice, passive, kind of a door mat, accommodating, and maybe even extraverted at times. People DON'T know the extent of my anxiety although I've been told I appear to have a nervous temperament.