Nice to meet you
I’m new and I already posted on another board about my current situation, but I want to introduce my story a little more fully. I have suffered from social anxiety for about 11 years, starting when I moved to a new school in 6th grade. I was pretty much selective mute and would dread every recess, or times when I had to read out loud. I remember kids subtly making fun of me and also assuming that I was stupid even though I was in all of the highest classes. I was even in the gifted program as well. I did make some friends throughout school, but never felt connected or truly myself around them. In later high school years, most of these friendships faded away. For a time my senior year of high school, I became selective mute again in some of my classes. In college, I had a really rough start, but started to make friends.
Dating has never been something that I have seen as possible for me because people that show interest in me or people that I find attractive and socially skilled are huge triggers for my anxiety. I liked this one boy in college and I would purposefully avoid the routes he would normally take, so I wouldn’t have to see him. I have never been on a date or been kissed at 22 years old. I even have a difficult time being friends with guys because I’m not sure of the way I am supposed to act or not act and it all makes me nervous. I dream of being married and having kids, but there will have to be a very special situation that pops up in order for that to happen.
I have had jobs, one in high school, and I worked doing different things during my summers in college. I moved to D.C. for two days to do this program, then left because I felt trapped and felt like my politics might rub up against other people’s for the entire year. That caused so much shame in me. I moved back in with my parents and found a job where I was living with friends before. I quit that job after a month because of all the cold calling and small talk and general social navigation that was so crucial to the job. Now I’m unemployed and not sure what job I should try to get next and I’m dreading having to tell everyone in my life that I quit. I have started therapy and Zoloft, so I am focused on healing right now.
So that is a synopsis of me. It has already been very cathartic to write all of this down and I hope I can also bring light to these groups. I’m a Christian as well and believe deeply that all the pain we experience in this life is nothing compared to eternity if we know Jesus Christ.