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Zack31 08-21-2019 02:54 PM

My therapist said this would be a good idea, so here goes...
Hello, my name is Zack. I'm 31 years old. I've been struggling with depression and social anxiety for almost my entire life. Up until a year ago, I'd just been dealing with it the best I could. I finally had to seek treatment in the form of medication and therapy since it has worsened a great deal in the past few years.

I've lived quite an isolated life. In sixth grade, I begged and pleaded with my mom to homeschool me. What a mistake that was. I was homeschooled all the way through high school, so I've missed out on a lot of social experiences.

As I've mentioned, I'm 31. I've never had a girlfriend or even any female friends. Loneliness is my only companion.

I've been paralyzed by social anxiety on an almost daily basis, which has fed into my depression, which has made for a vicious cycle. I've thought about suicide a lot, at least once every day since I was about 15.

At 18, I got my first job at a grocery store. I was also going to community college at the time for something I didn't really care for. People ask me all the time, "Well what are you interested in?" in regards to schooling. I still don't have an answer. I don't have any interests, strange as it seems. But I went along with college for a while. Eventually got tired of it and stopped going.

I'm still at the grocery store this many years later. I've changed positions a few times, but I've been too scared to try to look for something else. After all, I have no skills or schooling. My parents have graciously allowed me to live at home all this time, for which I am grateful. Having supportive parents has been my only saving grace and the only reason I'm still alive.

I just feel like my life is at a dead end. I don't know what to do. I've been going to therapy and taking medication which has improved me a little, but I think I'm just fundamentally flawed in too many ways to live a normal life. I feel like there is no right answer for me.

Toad Licker 08-21-2019 03:12 PM

Hey Zack, welcome to SAS. :popcorn

Owlbear 08-21-2019 07:15 PM

Well at least he's not an unpleasant bot.

Zackiboi - welcome, just be careful that the more toxic sides of these forums don't get you down. Some of us on here have had more bad than good, and the venting can get intense.
That's great you have a job. I was homeschooled myself, so it isn't the worst thing in the world. We're the same age (give or take six months) and here's a positive though - at 31 you and I still very much have our best years ahead. We don't switch into "old men" for another good 8-10 years. Then if managed well, that's silver fox territory. Keep that in mind.

chrisinmd 08-22-2019 08:36 AM

Welcome to the site.

Well home schooling may not have been the right option and you missed out on developing social skills I can tell you personally having to go to school with social anxiety is pure hell. You can end up getting bullied and abused and make it worse. Destroys your self confidence.

Good advice someone else gave you as well. Focus on what you can improve.

I try to live by the Senerity prayer they say in AA. Even though im not in AA and don't believe in god. I just delete the first 4 words. "God grant me senerity. "

"Accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

You cant change the past or your genetics. But you can change what you do going forward. Easier said then done but good luck

versikk 08-22-2019 09:43 AM

Supportive parents is a godsend

I don't have anything good to say but doesn't it feel better to find other people with social phobia and depression? =D
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