Just found out I have social anxiety - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
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Just found out I have social anxiety


It takes something as simple as really good friends forgetting about me or not including me in something to push my thoughts in this direction. I knew there was something about me which may be the cause so I searched for an answer. Now, here I am posting this because the symptoms of social anxiety match with my behaviour. I don't know how to put what I feel in words but it is something like feeling isolated even with plenty people around. Things like not being able to order food without eventually going with the most random crap or having a friend pick something - suck. I don't feel like talking to my boyfriend on phone or reaching out to my family even if I'm dying to do so. I shut down and feel so so lonely. Even if someone asks me to come out and hang around I feel exhausted and it is not healthy because I am a college student. I don't like feeling down like this. The only reason I'm putting this out here is because I want to overcome this problem. The low self esteem. The feeling of not knowing how girls buy make up at malls so flawlessly while I struggle to even look at a product. I would feel less paranoid if a stranger out here could tell me they relate and I am not alone.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-27-2019, 06:06 PM
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Well you're in good company because a lot of us here can relate. I know I definitely can. Welcome to the forum.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 01:03 AM
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Welcome to the club. You are not alone, at least you have a boyfriend I can't even have a simple conversation with a male, I don't have friends (mind you I'm 23), I am even nervous around some family members, I dread family gathering/even because I become so tense and awkward I hardly say anything (pathetic, I know).
It sucks more because my younger sister is now at an age where she goes to events with her friends, like going to the movies and being invited to parties, but I'm glad she didn't turn out like me. I hope this makes you feel better.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 01:27 AM Thread Starter
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Well you're in good company because a lot of us here can relate. I know I definitely can. Welcome to the forum.
Thank you for taking time out to say this. I feel much better now that I know we can share stuff here so freely that others around us don't understand.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 01:46 AM Thread Starter
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Welcome to the club. You are not alone, at least you have a boyfriend I can't even have a simple conversation with a male, I don't have friends (mind you I'm 23), I am even nervous around some family members, I dread family gathering/even because I become so tense and awkward I hardly say anything (pathetic, I know).
It sucks more because my younger sister is
now at an age where she goes to events with her friends, like going to the movies and being invited to parties, but I'm glad she didn't turn out like me. I hope this makes you feel better.
Hey, all my love to you first of all. Reading your post reminded me of some time back while I was growing up and my sister had gone to college. I know it is a terrible thought but yeah, it happens and you feel happy for them and sad for yourself. And ofcourse, the family events part. How we all hate them. Constantly some bully of a relative might taunt and won't realise how it might scar us or make us fear social gatherings. You are one strong girl. I can say for sure. Keep fighting back. Thank you for replying. You made me feel so much better by just being and sharing so much of what I also feel.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 09:05 AM
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Welcome to the site. Lots of good people with experiences similar to yours.

Did you self diagnose yourself with social anxiety or have a Dr or therapist diagnose you with it? If you have not seen a Dr or been to therapy I would recommend getting some professional help. It will only benefit you.


Since you are in college are you able to give speeches or presentations in class? that was what killed me I would have panic attacks when I had to speak before a group of people.


Any questions or need help send me a private message or reply to this and I will help you out. Good luck and welcome
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
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Welcome to the site. Lots of good people with experiences similar to yours.

Did you self diagnose yourself with social anxiety or have a Dr or therapist diagnose you with it? If you have not seen a Dr or been to therapy I would recommend getting some professional help. It will only benefit you.


Since you are in college are you able to give speeches or presentations in class? that was what killed me I would have panic attacks when I had to speak before a group of people.


Any questions or need help send me a private message or reply to this and I will help you out. Good luck and welcome
Hello there,
I looked up the problems I face and found out that it comes under SAD. I didn't go to a therapist or doctor yet because I avoid such situations. I get very nervous in front of strangers specially doctors as they may get sarcastic and demotivate at times. I have been considering though. Could you tell me what to expect from therapy ?

Also, I don't feel very enthusiastic about presentations if I'm not well versed with the topic. My biggest fear would be rambling so if that is the situation I do feel disappointed with myself. I get extremely hyperactive but no panic attacks. I mostly experience a mental block as opposed to panic attack. Afterwards, I realise that I knew more but could not speak up because of irrational fear. Even in interviews. It will be more like I can't think because I keep focusing how the other person may judge me.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 01:04 PM
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Hello 👋 You're definitely not alone.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
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Hello, thank you for saying that. Makes me feel a little more comfortable in this situation. 🙂
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-29-2019, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Jinkin29 View Post
Hello there,
I looked up the problems I face and found out that it comes under SAD. I didn't go to a therapist or doctor yet because I avoid such situations. I get very nervous in front of strangers specially doctors as they may get sarcastic and demotivate at times. I have been considering though. Could you tell me what to expect from therapy ?

Also, I don't feel very enthusiastic about presentations if I'm not well versed with the topic. My biggest fear would be rambling so if that is the situation I do feel disappointed with myself. I get extremely hyperactive but no panic attacks. I mostly experience a mental block as opposed to panic attack. Afterwards, I realise that I knew more but could not speak up because of irrational fear. Even in interviews. It will be more like I can't think because I keep focusing how the other person may judge me.
I would highly recommend seeing a therapist or Dr. Social Anxiety will not get better on its own it will only get worse and you will miss out on even more of your life if you don't get help for this issue.

The best way to treat social anxiety is through cognitive behavioral therapy or medication -- and often both. The goal in therapy is to build confidence, learn skills that help you manage the situations that scare you most, and then get out into the world and expose yourself to your fears. When you expose yourself to them and prove you can handle the fears it reduces them. Teamwork is key in social anxiety therapy. You and your therapist will work together to identify your negative thoughts and start to change them. You'll need to focus on the present instead of what happened in the past. You might do role-playing and social skills training as part of your therapy. Maybe you'll get lessons in public speaking or learn how to navigate a party of strangers.

Oh and the mental block you mentioned when you are in an interview or giving a speech is very common. Your so focused on your anxiety its very difficult to concentrate and think clearly.

Here is a very good video on youtube from a excellent therapist on social anxiety that really helped me. Check it out and let me know what you think.

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-29-2019, 04:36 PM
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Hey Jinkin29, welcome to SAS.

Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.


- Listener
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 03:46 AM Thread Starter
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Hello there,
I looked up the problems I face and found out that it comes under SAD. I didn't go to a therapist or doctor yet because I avoid such situations. I get very nervous in front of strangers specially doctors as they may get sarcastic and demotivate at times. I have been considering though. Could you tell me what to expect from therapy ?

Also, I don't feel very enthusiastic about presentations if I'm not well versed with the topic. My biggest fear would be rambling so if that is the situation I do feel disappointed with myself. I get extremely hyperactive but no panic attacks. I mostly experience a mental block as opposed to panic attack. Afterwards, I realise that I knew more but could not speak up because of irrational fear. Even in interviews. It will be more like I can't think because I keep focusing how the other person may judge me.
I would highly recommend seeing a therapist or Dr. Social Anxiety will not get better on its own it will only get worse and you will miss out on even more of your life if you don't get help for this issue.

The best way to treat social anxiety is through cognitive behavioral therapy or medication -- and often both. The goal in therapy is to build confidence, learn skills that help you manage the situations that scare you most, and then get out into the world and expose yourself to your fears. When you expose yourself to them and prove you can handle the fears it reduces them. Teamwork is key in social anxiety therapy. You and your therapist will work together to identify your negative thoughts and start to change them. You'll need to focus on the present instead of what happened in the past. You might do role-playing and social skills training as part of your therapy. Maybe you'll get lessons in public speaking or learn how to navigate a party of strangers.

Oh and the mental block you mentioned when you are in an interview or giving a speech is very common. Your so focused on your anxiety its very difficult to concentrate and think clearly.

Here is a very good video on youtube from a excellent therapist on social anxiety that really helped me. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Hey, thank you for your insights. I know more about what to expect from therapy now courtesy your reply. Also, the video helped. Specially, the point where it takes two to tango and it ain't just us making a situation uncomfortable or awkward. Thanks for sharing the video. Cheers!!
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 03:47 AM Thread Starter
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Hey Jinkin29, welcome to SAS. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/popcorn.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>
Hello &#x1f642;
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 04:15 AM
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It takes something as simple as really good friends forgetting about me or not including me in something to push my thoughts in this direction. I knew there was something about me which may be the cause so I searched for an answer. Now, here I am posting this because the symptoms of social anxiety match with my behaviour. I don't know how to put what I feel in words but it is something like feeling isolated even with plenty people around. Things like not being able to order food without eventually going with the most random crap or having a friend pick something - suck. I don't feel like talking to my boyfriend on phone or reaching out to my family even if I'm dying to do so. I shut down and feel so so lonely. Even if someone asks me to come out and hang around I feel exhausted and it is not healthy because I am a college student. I don't like feeling down like this. The only reason I'm putting this out here is because I want to overcome this problem. The low self esteem. The feeling of not knowing how girls buy make up at malls so flawlessly while I struggle to even look at a product. I would feel less paranoid if a stranger out here could tell me they relate and I am not alone.

Sorry to hear about your story, finding out you have a problem and admitting it is a big step already towards recovery. There can be things that will help you manage the problem, such as support from your family and friends. Even just from people online who share the same problem. I would say I am recovered from my social anxiety but used to have it really bad during my first years in uni. I didn't talk to anyone for 3 months and was completely alone. I would get the same issues with buying things and would prefer as little human contact as possible. So I can tell you you can get better. It gets better. You just need to make baby steps in the right direction. Every little improvement counts. Reading about psychology helped me a lot and I also received support from other people which was fundamental for me.

ęBut the thing that girls know best, is that glitter covers all the ugliness
And they know one thing above all the rest
Sparkle covers evilness
Shimmer covers all the mess
Glitter covers darknessĽ
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-30-2019, 02:51 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry to hear about your story, finding out you have a problem and admitting it is a big step already towards recovery. There can be things that will help you manage the problem, such as support from your family and friends. Even just from people online who share the same problem. I would say I am recovered from my social anxiety but used to have it really bad during my first years in uni. I didn't talk to anyone for 3 months and was completely alone. I would get the same issues with buying things and would prefer as little human contact as possible. So I can tell you you can get better. It gets better. You just need to make baby steps in the right direction. Every little improvement counts. Reading about psychology helped me a lot and I also received support from other people which was fundamental for me.
Hey Eleonora,
First of all, you have a really beautiful name. Also, thank you for dropping such a sweet message. It made me smile and gave me hope. I have noticed a change in my thought process after joining this forum and reading messages from such good hearted people like you. I'm also feeling better lately and have opened up about my issue to my sister and boyfriend recently. You are right about support being fundamental.
Anyway, having the knowledge that you have overcome your problem makes me really optimistic. Thank you. I don't know why but seeing your message has left me with really good vibes.
-Much love from India
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-31-2019, 07:17 AM
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Hey, thank you for your insights. I know more about what to expect from therapy now courtesy your reply. Also, the video helped. Specially, the point where it takes two to tango and it ain't just us making a situation uncomfortable or awkward. Thanks for sharing the video. Cheers!!
Glad you found it helpful. Yes the it takes 2 to tango was a very helpful point I got from the video as well. I also liked the point she made that 80 percent of the people are feeling anxiety as well. So your not alone. Reminds me of what I heard that According to most studies, peopleís number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, youíre better off in the casket than doing the eulogy!

Here is another great video I found helpful. It will help you with the negative self talk that you have as part of your social anxiety.

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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-04-2019, 08:56 AM
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I don't know how to put what I feel in words but it is something like feeling isolated even with plenty people around.
So how you feeling? Hope you are feeling less isolated.
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