Join Date: Mar 2019
Language: English, French
I have no friends
So I just signed up like 5 minutes ago. I'm 18, I live in France and am currently in my first year of engineering school. The only people I have in my life are my family and my boyfriend.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety about 2 years ago, when I was seeing a psychologist because my dad was deep into his depression. I stopped having friends about 2 years ago as well. I didn't mind being alone before, I actually enjoyed it, but now that I am living away from home, it's getting really tough.
I began this school year really optimistic as to my future social life, I was ready to push myself to make friends. My plan was to make friends before my 20th birthday so that I could have a party like a "normal" young person. I was embarrassed that the only people that were there on my 18th were my family and my boyfriends family, so basically 40 year olds. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I was scared of what people would think, since everyone else my age was having a crazy party for their 18th. So anyway, my plan isn't working, I can't help hating everyone else. That sounds bad, maybe I shouldn't say hate, but everyone in my school year annoys the hell out of me, I can't stand anyone. I can't stand walking into class, seeing them all laugh together showing off how easy it is for them to socialize. I know I'm over the top, it's just that I seem to always have been like that.
I have so much more to say, that I need to say, but basically I'm slowly falling apart, slowly feeling more crap everyday and I don't know how to make it stop. I feel like I'm the only person in this world that cannot make friends. It's not like I can't talk to people, if someone talks to me, I answer fine, I just can never make the first step.
Is there anyone like me ?
If you read to here then thank you so much I appreciate you