I have no friends - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 12:08 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: France
Language: English, French
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Posts: 4
Unhappy

I have no friends


Hi everyone,

So I just signed up like 5 minutes ago. I'm 18, I live in France and am currently in my first year of engineering school. The only people I have in my life are my family and my boyfriend.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety about 2 years ago, when I was seeing a psychologist because my dad was deep into his depression. I stopped having friends about 2 years ago as well. I didn't mind being alone before, I actually enjoyed it, but now that I am living away from home, it's getting really tough.

I began this school year really optimistic as to my future social life, I was ready to push myself to make friends. My plan was to make friends before my 20th birthday so that I could have a party like a "normal" young person. I was embarrassed that the only people that were there on my 18th were my family and my boyfriends family, so basically 40 year olds. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I was scared of what people would think, since everyone else my age was having a crazy party for their 18th. So anyway, my plan isn't working, I can't help hating everyone else. That sounds bad, maybe I shouldn't say hate, but everyone in my school year annoys the hell out of me, I can't stand anyone. I can't stand walking into class, seeing them all laugh together showing off how easy it is for them to socialize. I know I'm over the top, it's just that I seem to always have been like that.

I have so much more to say, that I need to say, but basically I'm slowly falling apart, slowly feeling more crap everyday and I don't know how to make it stop. I feel like I'm the only person in this world that cannot make friends. It's not like I can't talk to people, if someone talks to me, I answer fine, I just can never make the first step.

Is there anyone like me ?

If you read to here then thank you so much I appreciate you
chloewatts is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 12:50 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Also a secret
Language: English, Dutch, French, German
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 323
My Mood: Angry
Nobody in here has friends, come up with something more original
Tomorrowisalongtime is offline  
post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: France
Language: English, French
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomorrowisalongtime View Post
Nobody in here has friends, come up with something more original
Eum sorry I just discovered this forum and was hoping to find people to talk to that understand me, didn't realise I had to be "original". Hope you feel better by getting that off of your chest anyway. Great support
chloewatts is offline  
 
post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 12:57 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Also a secret
Language: English, Dutch, French, German
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 323
My Mood: Angry
Quote:
Originally Posted by chloewatts View Post
Eum sorry I just discovered this forum and was hoping to find people to talk to that understand me, didn't realise I had to be "original". Hope you feel better by getting that off of your chest anyway. Great support
Yeah sorry about that
I'm on a mission you see, I'm trying to get myself banned. It's not personal

please accept my apologies
Tomorrowisalongtime is offline  
post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 01:18 PM
pirate
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 5,885
My Mood: Amazed
I'm sorry you have trouble making friends. I find it difficult too. usually I have just had ex gfs who I stayed in contact with. most are gone now and my only friend isn't very good to me. a healthy relationship was enough for me but I'm single again after a very unhealthy one.

idk there are tricks to it for people that find it difficult but I kind of have up on it. anxiety triggers behaviours and body language which makes people not like you. they become habitual behaviours. plus plain old avoidance. I guess the help of last resort is self acceptance.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 01:27 PM
SAS Member
 
RayMann11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: spain
Language: Spanish english & Arabic
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Posts: 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomorrowisalongtime View Post
Nobody in here has friends, come up with something more original
LMAO
RayMann11 is offline  
post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 01:30 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: France
Language: English, French
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
I'm sorry you have trouble making friends. I find it difficult too. usually I have just had ex gfs who I stayed in contact with. most are gone now and my only friend isn't very good to me. a healthy relationship was enough for me but I'm single again after a very unhealthy one.

idk there are tricks to it for people that find it difficult but I kind of have up on it. anxiety triggers behaviours and body language which makes people not like you. they become habitual behaviours. plus plain old avoidance. I guess the help of last resort is self acceptance.
Thank you for your reply If your friend isn't good to you then they don't deserve you ! I hope you find someone you knows your worth and treats you with all the love you deserve. I definitely agree that body language plays a big part in not making friends, the habits are really hard to lose though, even if your aware of them (for me that is)!
chloewatts is offline  
post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 01:58 PM
the knowledge void
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,296
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomorrowisalongtime View Post
Nobody in here has friends, come up with something more original
thanks for the laugh

Quote:
Originally Posted by chloewatts View Post

I have so much more to say, that I need to say, but basically I'm slowly falling apart, slowly feeling more crap everyday and I don't know how to make it stop.
Welcome to our version of reality, it's a living fcvking hell but you'll do alright.

tho i want to ask - for how long have you been starting to feel worse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chloewatts View Post

Is there anyone like me ?
we're everywhere.

AIIOW3VERYT_8Nų5H47EE
the demon is the healer
versikk is offline  
post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 02:14 PM
SAS Member
 
L0n3r's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: US
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 13
I have social anxiety also and I struggle to make friends. Though theres a quote that I've heard before that helps, I don't really remember where it's from but it stuck to me.. anyways it goes, the best way to make friends is to go out and be a friend (something along those lines) Now if you think about it, this quote really makes sense even though it sounds so simple. All everyone wants is to be accepted and be part of a group so if you go out to be a friend by acting friendly, setting plans with someone, etc.. you're more likely to make friends. OFC, friends always start out as acquaintances which is through small talk. Now I know pretty much everyone hates small talk but it's the first step to get to know people. I get the sense that you're introverted, which is fine since most of us here are also haha. You really just got to get yourself out there it's difficult but you just gotta take baby steps. Don't fret over the amount of friends or you'll probably still find yourself feeling lonely. Instead, establish more meaningful relationships.
L0n3r is offline  
post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 02:23 PM
experimental sincerity
 
rabidfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 832
You're definitely not alone. I had a phone assessment for therapy the other day and they asked me if I had friends and a support network. Er, do online friends count?

Not every young person is an endlessly laughing, bursting extrovert, and not all hang out in groups. Lots of birthdays are not My Sweet Sixteen. The society places a lot of value on being *extra social*, but it doesn't mean that you cannot manage your relationships to people in the way that is comfortable for you. So while it's good to try and meet people, I think it's wise to step just a little out of your comfort zone, rather than take such a large step that you no longer feel like yourself. That's what I learned when I went through a period of fakery, where I went out all the time and talked to everyone at parties just to prove that I could. It was awful. I made no friends, just a lot of acquantaince-ships that were a burden to maintain.

Of course, this doesn't tell you what you can actually *do* to make friends. Damned if I know. But you're totally not alone. And it's a good idea not to hold up some standard of What a Young Person is Supposed to Be, and measure yourself against it. Sure, change things for the better, but make sure it's something you want, for yourself, not something you think you are supposed to do.

Strength & hugs!

Leonard Cohen (Bird on a Wire): I have tried in my own way to be free
Mrs Hudson (BBC Sherlock): Sherlock! The mess you've made!
rabidfoxes is offline  
post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-21-2019, 02:38 PM
Aspergian
 
Toad Licker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A Fruitloop Daydream
Gender: Male
Posts: 171,892
Hey chloewatts, welcome to SAS.

Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.


- Listener
Toad Licker is offline  
post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2019, 12:07 AM

 
Anon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 62,401
Sup
Anon is offline  
post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2019, 02:27 AM
Mr Bean Stig Soldier
 
twitchy666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Berkshire
Language: ASCII, T-SQL
Gender: Male
Age: 43
Posts: 7,854
My Mood: Angry
Wink

whatever we have

loss occurs. such the event is no one-off!

redundant expressions: YOU! WE! I... OUR..!!!

all is known. global loss. downhill. no rocketship. gravity. Life = Losss.

take death as ASAP. don't want any recurring increased loss!

law doesn't permit fighting back. struggle for gain by beating others? punished and more lost
twitchy666 is offline  
post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2019, 04:34 AM
MAGA
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,239
Quote:
Originally Posted by chloewatts View Post
Eum sorry I just discovered this forum and was hoping to find people to talk to that understand me, didn't realise I had to be "original". Hope you feel better by getting that off of your chest anyway. Great support
Hi. Don't worry about or take it personal what he said about being "original" as he was probably just being funny or trying to "get banned".

That said, some here don't have any real friends. They may have had friends before, or lost their old friends, but it's certainly true that some at this point don't have friends currently in whatever circumstance. SAS is certainly a much more understanding forum in general than the typical "normie" discussion sites. Hope you get something useful or at least understanding here and welcome to the forum.
railcar82594 is offline  
post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2019, 05:51 PM
SAS Member
 
willow325's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Posts: 6
My Mood: Doubtful
Youíre not alone! Iím turning 18 in two days and I only have one friend. However weíre barely friends anymore because Iím terrible at maintaining friendships due to social anxiety, and also I donít want to be too clingy because Iím sure my friend knows that she is my only friend and itís really embarrasses me. I haven't had a birthday party or anything in four years because I just donít have anyone to invite but my family and only friend. I think I need to make myself start seeing a therapist because Iím reaching my breaking point. Sorry I donít have any good advice. Hopefully you feel better knowing youíre not the only one
willow325 is offline  
post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2019, 05:55 PM
pirate
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: chch
Language: english, silence
Gender: Non-binary
Age: 34
Posts: 5,885
My Mood: Amazed
the sun is a good friend when it's out and it feels like it's giving you a hug.

beautiful music is a pretty abusable friend as it can be played over and over.

I guess the next step is to make a pantheon of gods to be friends with.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is offline  
post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-24-2019, 02:00 PM
the knowledge void
 
versikk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
Gender: Other
Age: 31
Posts: 5,296
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow325 View Post
I think I need to make myself start seeing a therapist because Iím reaching my breaking point.
You have a few good years left, honey. don't stress.

but you should definitely see a therapist, everyone should.

AIIOW3VERYT_8Nų5H47EE
the demon is the healer
versikk is offline  
post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 09:27 AM
SAS Member
 
Twocky61's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Dorset uk
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 58
Posts: 1,556
My Mood: Angelic
Test

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
Twocky61 is offline  
post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 12:10 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
My Mood: Fine
Hi.
First I'd like to say that you are not alone. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, and GAD at the very end of my senior year. Thankfully then because if it was any earlier I would not have graduated because I was too anxious to go to class. It continued to get worse. AND WORSE.And I worked hard at it. Trying to get my social life back. And I would do good. Then I'd fall back. I've worked on it constantly for YEARS, and it is a struggle but with hard work comes success. I still deal with different aspects of Anxiety daily but I now throw some of the best parties for all my friends. Stick with it. First start having your friends over to where you're most comfortable. Have them bring friends. Hike! Don't give up
MarcInTheDark is offline  
post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-25-2019, 01:30 PM
SAS Member
 
ithinkitry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 2
My Mood: Crappy
Hi, I am 17 years old. The idea that you are supposed to have wild parties on your 18th birthday, and in the process forsaking your individuality, is something that has been imposed on us due to the much attention that the pop culture has garnered over the past two decades. It’s okay to be normal, to be you, to be around people you love and really care about, rather than trying to forge artificial relationships.

But I’m one to talk. I didn’t really move well with people at school because I was afraid of being judged and also because I didn’t really find my tribe.

I know the 18th birthday is supposed to be something special and I myself am dreading turning 18 cause I know I won’t have a lot of company. A friend of mine, or so I thought she was, forgot my birthday last year and I felt really bad for a long time. And I don’t actually have any friends if I think about it just my parents. I know what you feel and can only say in an effort to ease you pain that you are not alone, friend.
ithinkitry is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Where to go during school breaks if you have no friends? unknown234 Coping With Social Anxiety 35 11-19-2017 12:28 AM
My friends don't seem to realise how much they hurt me skay87 Friendships 9 02-03-2016 03:00 AM
You have to have friends to make friends (Have a social life to make a social life) Siman89 Frustration 40 01-21-2016 09:22 AM
Friends not really being friends after all. The paranoid mind or reality? The Sleeping Dragon Friendships 6 09-24-2015 09:30 AM
I'm only friends with you because I pity you. moondancerr Coping With Social Anxiety 2 10-29-2010 05:10 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome