I hate being alone,but i cant stop being alone

i am a professional entertainer, in the lime light the cool spot,but the moment i walk off stage i am walking with fear and loneliness because i cant talk,in my profession i should be a magnet for people and women,but its like i have a bubble around me its always been there but drugs covered it up,i stopped drinking and hard drugs,and though my life is better in performance i am more miserable and sad than ever,and introverted more than i've ever been in my life. i have the ability to be extremely outgoing but it only comes in spurts. i am not in bad shape,reasonably handsome,workout,yet i go unnoticed,which cause me to become very depressed and sometimes just feeling hopeless,without friends,and love,i believe i look unapproachable perhaps,unhappy,maybe miserable.i recently got pills through a doctor i've stared at the bottle for two months afraid to take them,angry because i cant fix this on my own and afraid they'll make me worse or suicidal. i have not received an official diagnosis of SAD,what do i do and to what type of doctor,shrink,therapist do i go, i am sick of living in my head,any suggestions

Welcome.
What type of entertainer?
I started on medications about a year ago for pain management and more recently for depression. Though the drugs seem to help some, I don't like the fact that I feel dependent on the doctors then, like they're my dealers. I have to go back and see them often to refill my prescriptions or else I'll have withdrawal symptoms and possible relapse into pain and depression.

I played guitar a lot in high school and wrote songs. I've all but quit doing it because I never played them for anybody and I felt like there wasn't a point of creating art if there is never an audience for it.

I have never had an official diagnoses either, even though I've seen psychologists and psychiatrists. Maybe they just take my word for it. If you have anxiety related to people and it negatively affects your life, I think you qualify.

Hello MichaelJoseph welcome to SAS. Its great that you can be outgoing. You can channel some of that ability towards recovery from social anxiety. Letting your a friend know about your fears will help you to not feel so alone with your anxiety. You don't need to fix this on your own. I have tried and found it is so much easier to allow others to help me. I have used therapist and found that the ones that help use cognitive behavior therapy and show me how to challenge my thoughts have been most helpful. Keep coming back and be kind to yourself. Best wishes

I feel this way to. I try to reach out to people but i never feel like I could get through to them. My phone rarely rings and I am home most of the time. I am 22 and never had a boyfriend before and this is killing me because I feel like I will never be able to experience love. My mom tells me to not worry it will happen but I am always like WHEN!!! Im happy that I have found this forum because I realized that I am not alone.

Hello MichaelJoseph,

Hey MichaelJoseph welcome.

Welcome, MichaelJoseph!