I hate being alone,but i cant stop being alone
i am a professional entertainer, in the lime light the cool spot,but the moment i walk off stage i am walking with fear and loneliness because i cant talk,in my profession i should be a magnet for people and women,but its like i have a bubble around me its always been there but drugs covered it up,i stopped drinking and hard drugs,and though my life is better in performance i am more miserable and sad than ever,and introverted more than i've ever been in my life. i have the ability to be extremely outgoing but it only comes in spurts. i am not in bad shape,reasonably handsome,workout,yet i go unnoticed,which cause me to become very depressed and sometimes just feeling hopeless,without friends,and love,i believe i look unapproachable perhaps,unhappy,maybe miserable.i recently got pills through a doctor i've stared at the bottle for two months afraid to take them,angry because i cant fix this on my own and afraid they'll make me worse or suicidal. i have not received an official diagnosis of SAD,what do i do and to what type of doctor,shrink,therapist do i go, i am sick of living in my head,any suggestions