hi. I remember the dorm living nightmare. did not have a good time. you dont need to feel ashamed by it. it's not a good environment for some people. I would stay in my room and not talk to anyone and stopped eating in the dining hall. my grades were bad also because I couldn't concentrate. I even started to get auditory hallucinations.
what would I have done differently? idk. I was too scared to go and see a counsellor back then, and they've been fairly ineffective anyway. going to meetups helps me now and it's good because its away from other places and people and exists in it's own bubble. clubs were too scary for me to join.
I wouldnt blame myself or compare myself to those other people so much now. and I dont get disoriented like that anymore, that's probably a confidence thing. I would still hate the dining hall and prefer to eat in privacy. but yeah I think I could make decisions which cater to my needs rather than just go along with what seems normal. that would have helped.
"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."