How social anxiety destroyed my life over the years, and what to do now - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 01:54 AM Thread Starter
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How social anxiety destroyed my life over the years, and what to do now

The first real symptoms of this thing called Social Anxiety, I think I see in my first contacts with women that I wanted to start something bigger with, when I was bout 15 years old. I had that really beautiful and fun girl, almost fall in love with me after meeting on the internet... and yeah, she was really a beauty and cool girl, but in person - it all I think got buried because of my social anxiety. Through the internet window I could kind of mask my social anxiety, but in person it all came out, after talking with her for like couple months, feeling some kind of love, it all got lost after meeting in person,... and it was never bout my looks or anything like that, I'm sure of that, I can get a girl horny, just never seem to finish it up, because of the **** in my head.

From this point on, I've started using alcohol as a way to reduce my social anxiety. This was helping in a short term, as I started to get some kind of "normal" social life, and some girls who liked me in person started to pop out. But it never led to anything positive really, since I started to abuse alcohol just to feel right, funny, on point, without my inner problems. You can't live a life in which you have to drink to feel kind of ok... it only makes things worst in the end.

It never changed from this, 14 years, maybe (I hope) up to this point, when I'm in the mind set, that stops me from meeting with anyone, unless I have a drink... and maybe beyond that even, cause now I know what I'm doing and it doesn't feel right all the way, drink now only makes things worse, cause I feel more and more bad about it.

I do want to change. I'm always dreaming about times, when I'm the good guy. I know I'm not a bad person inside, but I didn't treat my problems right from the begining. Now I landed in a time without a work, without love of my life, without friends, family... which I had, some time ago.

Not dealing with the real problem and masking it with alcohol, got me to the point when it's really hard to just get up, do something with my life now... almost every day is a mind struggle which eventually keeps me from doing anything constructive, and keeps me from just being a fun person. Because I didn't intervene in the right time, my girlfriend seems totally different, she looks at me different, even though we've been a couple for 4 years... and it's no wonder, it was never fully me from the beginnig. I tried to drink it up, but yeah, that only got me to this time right now.

So now what... I feel like the only right answer now is therapy and medication, although, it's really not easy choice from where Im starting.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 02:20 AM Thread Starter
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And yea, with my girl, never was ok from the beginning, since I feel like I'm in this **** for about half of my life.. but back then, it wasn't so severe, it was still a time to change something. Now I'm left with nobody, because I was still masking it... and when the mask came off, cause I've stopped drinking for like 3 months - the real problem, social anxiety popped out for real and this time, it was full blown off, till the point that in 2 months I disconnected from everything, including my girlfriend. And now that I'm really loosing it, and alcohol was unfortunately still the answer for me, for so long... boy, I'm finished, I feel like I was completely delusional for the last decade.

I never paid attention to the consequences of my actions I guess, but it's really a hard time, very, very dark time, I just want to get out of it, I want to be a better person in general... but at the same time I feel that I ****ed up for good, and ****ed with my mind too much as well
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 04:46 AM
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 05:17 PM
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Hey DudeWitProblems, welcome to SAS.

Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.

- Listener
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 05:47 PM
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I can relate with your problems. Drinking is the way I have used for many years to gain more confidence in social situations. It works to a degree but we know the problems that come along with it. Its a lot easier to go on a date or be in a social situation when you have had a drink.

Have you tried to see a therapist? It helped me get over the social anxiety. Not cured but certainly better. Medication can help for some people. Be aware of side effects though.

Good job quitting drinking for 3 months. Bad thing is once you get the benefit form not drinking it can cause your anxiety to get much worse since you don't have the alcohol to mask the anxiety anymore. Try a good therapist. CBT therapy usually works well.

Keep us posted and good luck
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