Hey - i'm new and this week has been a hard one. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 12:29 PM Thread Starter
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Hey - i'm new and this week has been a hard one.


Hello,

I have no idea how this works. I found the website because I was looking for a platform where I could tell what I'm feeling for people that would understand it. I hope this is a genuine place.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety when I was 14. I'm 21 now. Compared to how I used to be and feel I'm much better and came a really long way. Today I'm in my dream college, I have amazing friends, I'm good at what I do, I enjoy life.

I would say that social anxiety affected me in every type of relationship: with my family, with friends, with colegues, with potencial boyfriends and with myself. I'm doing great w everything except the last two aspects.
It really destroy my heart that something as talking to a boy (that I know its interested) is so terrifying to me. I wish it wasn't this hard, and I feel quite ashamed that it it is.

I hope you're having a better week than me. All the love! ps english is my second language dont judge me
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-25-2020, 04:15 PM
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Hey, julianotrobers (liked that username by the way!), welcome to the forums! And your english is perfect, don't worry about it!

"It's been so long. Years have gone since I belonged. Hold me please, stay with me and I will sleep. I will go now but I will be with you. Hold my gaze, hold me inside you."
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 05:00 AM
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Hello and welcome! Yeah, social anxety can do interesting things to one and it s**ks. Well, at least you are having something youre happy about: college, friends, etc. If it makes you feel better: I dont have any friends, am not sure about my college choice and am not good at anything. I know ppl can be hard to understand and trust. Why is this week so hard to you? Best wishes to you!
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 06:39 AM Thread Starter
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Hey wunderblitz!
Doesn't it? Isn't it hilarious (in a f****d up way) how we know its all in our head but we still are terrified? I think it's quite funny.

Yeah, I'm happy with a lot, thankfully, but it's hard for me to acknowledge them when my anxiety overtakes and I just see all the stuff I'm not happy with. Maybe you are too, but it's hard for you to see it, what do you think?

Ei, I definitely do not believe you are not good at anything, there is no such thing, trust me. Actually, in my opinion you can't just be good at something, you can become good at something. So, when you figure out what you like to do, and what makes you happy, you can work to be good at it, in your own time and terms.
I went to college because it was what I wanted, it's my path, maybe yours isn't. And that's perfectly fine. Work on finding out what makes you happy.

And about the friends, I used to have toxic people around me and called them friends, it's better to be alone then in a situation like that. When you find people worth to be around with, you'll know it, and they will know it too.

All the best!
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 06:40 AM
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Hey julianotroberts, welcome to SAS.

Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.


- Listener
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 06:41 AM Thread Starter
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Hey yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd, I like your username too. Is it perfect? I don't think so hahaha.... but thank you! I speak portuguese too btw!
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 06:42 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you toadlicker! lol
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 09:03 AM
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welcome to the forums julia.....i think you'll like this place
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 10:06 AM
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Social anxiety is not good but maybe you are a natural empath.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 10:18 AM
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Hello and welcome.

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-26-2020, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by julianotroberts View Post
It really destroy my heart that something as talking to a boy (that I know its interested) is so terrifying to me. I wish it wasn't this hard, and I feel quite ashamed that it it is.
Welcome.

There is absolutely nothing unusual about this. Do not feel ashamed. Be compassionate to yourself and realise that this kind of anxiety is expected and you actually wouldn't want to be the kind of person who wasn't anxious in that situation.

That kind of person is, well, the kind of person who just soils their pants and wanders outside, because anxiety about what other people think prevents this behaviour and is necessary for human functioning, and romantic encounters are where we feel the most exposed to evaluation because of rejection. Even if you know the person likes you, that induces its own anxieties (what if they decide they don't? etc). Try not to be critical towards yourself for perfectly normal anxiety.

You are normal.

And, fwiw, there is nothing as endearing as someone who has this vulnerability. Shyness is actually suggestive of the absence of negative traits, fwiw too!

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

https://balancedminds.com/audio/
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 02:25 PM
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hello
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 02:37 PM
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-28-2020, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by julianotroberts View Post
...I just see all the stuff I'm not happy with. Maybe you are too, but it's hard for you to see it, what do you think?
Yeah, Im always too self critical. Ofc I do have some things that Im OK at, just ya know, I dont know how to "advertise" myself. So nobody just sees it. As of friends, yep, I have a few "friends" who dont actually care and can fit the definition of toxic ppl, some are better some are worse.
Best wishes!
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-07-2020, 12:40 PM
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welcome to SAS forum, Don't be afraid to talk to any of us, we're here to help you
I'm also 21 years old, and have social anxiety *-*
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