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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 07:24 PM Thread Starter
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Hello.


I don't know much about Social Anxiety. I only know that I've been very depressed lately. Sometimes I just want to fall down and let everyone see how much in despair I am. I imagine myself just dropping to my knees, lying on the ground, going into the fetal position, just so someone can ask me if I am OK and that I can tell them what is wrong with me. But the truth is, I am having a hard time finding anything wrong with myself. I'm just frustrated is all.

I am in my last year of high school with no friends. I've never had a friend in my life except for relatives...and the ones that give me good company only visit a few times every year.

Agh...see how much I'm lying? I do have friends. I have actual friends. It's just that I don't like them. It'd hard to talk to them. More rather, it's hard to talk to me. I can't keep a conversation, you see, mostly because I have nothing to say. People come to me expecting to carry on a nice chat but they get nothing in return. Sometimes at lunch, I will have someone who will luckily sit with me, but I don't say anything and neither do they. I think they expect me to do all the talking, but they never seem to figure out that I am incapable of bearing that burden.

I like being alone. I like being by myself. But I am incredibly anxious around people. If you are looking for someone to make a conversation awkward, I am a natural born expert. I don't like talking much, but that doesn't help the fact that I become very frustrated when I'm unable to entertain someone who thinks that I am interesting and actually bothers to bless me with their company. I don't like to talk because I can't talk...only when necessary. I stutter over words and I have to prepare words in advance--like a script--if I ever want to have the chance of letting a conversation flow for more than 5 minutes.

In addition to having a disinterest in casual conversation, I seem to have a problem being heard clearly. Someone can ask me a question, but then I have to answer them 10 times because they can't understand what I am saying. Maybe it is my foreign accent. Maybe it is my volume. Maybe it is my hesitation to speak. I think it's a combination of all three. Sometimes I can make my point across when I am in a quiet setting.

...

Anyways. Hi. I'm John. Nice to meet you all. I hope I find this forum to be a place that I can be understood.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 07:54 PM
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I know how you feel.

welcome im pretty new here also
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-16-2010, 10:39 AM
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Hey John, welome to

Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.


- Listener
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-16-2010, 11:09 AM
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Welcome, John. Everything you wrote sounds very familiar. You described my feelings of hopelessness and genuine desire to talk about my problems (before I found professional help) really well at the beginning. Before I finally admitted I needed help, I just wanted somebody, anybody to walk up to me and see my problems and ask me if I needed help. I wanted someone else to make the move for me. It's tough, but in order to get better, you have to make the move yourself ... and you have: you joined this forum.

Please, call me Mike.

My SA and Depression blog: Unhappy Happiness

My CBT log: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...es-log-102328/
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-16-2010, 12:21 PM
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Hi and welcome to SAS



Don't drink to drown your sorrows. Sorrows knows how to swim.


----------

Jo Dee Messina - Bring on the rain


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWYRfsjBNQk
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-16-2010, 11:31 PM
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Welcome, JohnParker!

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You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-18-2010, 01:57 AM
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Hello John!

Every form of happiness is private. Our greatest memories are personal, self-motivated, not to be touched. The things which are sacred or precious to us are the things we withdraw from promiscuous sharing. -- Ayn Rand

The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them. -- Oliver Goldsmith


Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. -- Vernon Law
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