Guess I just want to vent
Hi everyone, I've run out of people to talk to so I figured I'd try an old school forum. I'm turning 25 soon and the older I get the lonelier I become and it's just so draining. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of undiagnosed depression or anxiety, but I can't even bring myself to go to a therapist to sort it all out.
I'm close with my parents and a few of my younger cousins, but don't really have anyone my own age. Once I stopped going to school I drifted apart from all the people I grew up with. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but I can't help but feel jealous when I go online and see them all reaching life milestones like getting married or starting good careers. Or even small things like going out for drinks or to the movies. I live in a very small town and there aren't many ways to meet new people. I get most of my social interaction at my retail job where most of our customers are seniors.
I have a few online friends, but it's not quite the same when you can't hang out with them in person. One of them I'd consider my best friend, but lately I can't help but feel like a nuisance and that our friendship is turning one sided. They have a job that keeps them busy, which I understand can be stressful, but they seem to be able to make time for their "real life" friends. It hurts me and makes me feel like I don't matter as much, but I don't know how to bring it up without sounding needy or clingy. I suggested we meet up this summer, something we've done regularly over the years, and the conversation ends up in the air with no real confirmation or rejection on their end.
I don't know what to do anymore. Life has just become so monotonous. I wish I could move to a big city and start over, but just the thought of everything that needs to happen to get there fills me with anxiety. Even writing this I can feel the knot in my throat building.