About 10 mins ago i had a conversation with my family and how they want me to be more mature, and to actually talk to them. This kills me everytime because i just can’t. I’m afraid of them. Part of my social anxiety is because their mental abuse when i was little. I just find myself extremely difficult to open to them, i know they think i hate them. I just think how much easy their life would be without me. I’m crying. Anyway what good happened in your day?
I know how you feel, when i was a kid my father was a religious fanatic, he would read the bible to me, hit me, and sometimes hit me while reading the bible, as a result of that, nowadays we are not so close, sometimes we spent entire days without talking to each other, i don't know exactly how it is in your case, but i suppose is normal for people with social anxiety
Well I fee comfortable around them as I had a good upbringing yet I still feel anxiety for certain matters. I still can't open up to them if I have problems, I can't go to the bathroom if they are close to me (in the room next to the bathroom f.e.), I can't really be enthusiastic around them or tell stories or dance when we are both at a party or something.
This has actually puzzled me for a long time, how can I be so SA when I had a really nice childhood and in all honesty very cool parents. I think that they have been overprotective of me and that it triggered something in me. Even to this day I always tell them when I'm going out the door or anything just so they know what I'm doing so they don't need to be worried.
Oh well, I hope I can pull loose of all this one day
Definitely, especially my dad. My mom left me a couple of years ago, so now he's the only parent that I have, and it makes things a little more stressful. He's a military veteran and he's also the type of guy who believes that men can't show certain emotions or it will make them weak. I've always been a really sensitive and emotional person. I didn't realize this much as a kid, because I'd always fight my emotions because that's what I was taught to do. My mom was a little better when it came to allowing me to have emotions, but she always acted as if I chose to be shy. She would always say "talk!" or "don't be shy!" and it made me feel like there was something really bad and wrong about me. I completely broke when she walked out of my life, and I was more open with my emotions than ever before. I'm not sure if I really chose to be that way, it just kind of happened...like I held on for too long.
I have to deal with my dad calling me weak on a regular basis. I always remind myself that it's healthy to have emotions, but I keep having this habit of wanting to fight them still. I don't feel like I can truly be myself at home.