21 year old desperately lonely
Iím a 21 year old guy who has no friends and has no clue how to socialize with other people. I am so lonely and havenít had a friend for over 8 years now. Iím in my last year at university and have started to talk to a therapist about how Iím feeling and how to approach things, she recommended posting on some forums so thatís why Iím here.
Iíve always been shy as a kid but when I went into secondary school (around 13) I was bullied really badly everyday. No one would talk to me, sit next to me or even acknowledge me unless they were calling me names or harassing me some other way. I thought that after I left school and went onto university I would get over my sadness and anxiety and become a new me but despite all my efforts I just couldnít.
I feel so trapped by my anxiety, no matter where I go I always feel like someone is looking at me and judging me negatively and no matter what I say I feel like Iíve always said the wrong thing. I really want to be able to do simple everyday things like going out for a walk or going to the gym without feeling like everyone is judging me but I canít help it and it really stops me from doing so much in life.
From talking with my therapist she believes Iíve developed ptsd from all the bullying I went through for so long. It makes me feel so ashamed that Iíve let it control and affect my life so much to the point where I donít even have one, I feel like a stranger to myself when Iím out in public and even sometimes when Iím by myself it feels like Iím nothing.
All I want is to be able to live my life, do things normal people do without worry, have friends to talk to when Iím happy or sad, have relationships and learn about who I am as a person.
Sorry for the long post I donít even know if this is the right place to post this please redirect me if itís not, if anyone has any advice for me or wants to talk about anything feel free, maybe someone is going through something similar an we could help each other out. Thanks for reading.
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