You wake up tomorrow morning and its your 18th birthday again.

(it's my fault I was born prematurely which may have affected my mental and social development, my fault I was painfully shy and sensitive from birth, my fault people (including family) ridiculed and criticized me for that, my fault my childhood was so isolated and my only chance to meet people was in the school environment (which ended around age 18-19), my fault I lack(ed) transportation to "get out there," my fault my mother couldn't take time off work to take me to my driver's ed final, my fault we lacked money to buy me a car, my fault I live in a rural area with few prospects, my fault I'm too crippled by anxiety to work, my fault I have no employable skills in an area that lacks jobs anyway, my fault everyone around me is too impatient to teach my slow slogging error-prone self basic life skills, my fault I'm thus dependent on others, my fault I can't "just move somewhere else," my fault I was repeatedly mocked and rejected by my peers as a child and teen and then online as an adult, my fault I have boring interests nobody else is into, my fault I have no desire to make pointless smalltalk that goes nowhere, my fault I can't form meaningful connections with others, my fault nobody else is interested or patient enough to want to stay friends with me, my fault that repeated horrible experiences trying to socialize have made me avoidant and distrustful and afraid, my fault that it takes two to maintain a friendship and so far, with just one exception, not any one other person I actually managed to befriend has wished to maintain the friendship and they often turned on me in a painful and humiliating manner before ending it (or even just stopped replying, cold, without explanation), my fault I likely have underlying undiagnosed mental conditions that inhibit my social abilities, my fault I lack access to adequate mental health treatment, my fault there's no adequate mental health treatment available in this area anyway, my fault that the time I did try to get help the specialists had no ability to help me, my fault that the support groups were too full or unavailable to me, my fault that the mental health clinic was understaffed and overbooked and never had enough time for even the bare minimum of consistent therapy for me, my fault that they cut funding and services and had to focus on more promising clients, my fault that my Medicaid coverage ran out, my fault that the therapists had to shrug and cut me loose despite knowing I have self-harmful thoughts, my fault that the last psychologist told me she doubted I'd get any better (which she also blamed on me) and not to bother reapplying for treatment in the future, my fault that this clearly indicated to me that I'm unimportant and expendable, my fault that when I tried to reach out for help again a different psychiatrist told me, "No, no, no," my fault that 30+ years of this has left me distrustful and broken and bitter, I'm sure I'm forgetting some things...even when the other party involved in failed social experiences made a promise to reach out or respond and then did not follow through after I did all the work, well, according to the therapist that was also somehow my fault...entirely my fault)