Why do attractive people with SA piss people off so much? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Why do attractive people with SA piss people off so much?


I am a very attractive young woman who models who also happens to have SA (and always have). I noticed that I've gotten hell for it throughout the years. For example high school was the worst. People would NOT LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT. Groups of people would stare at me as a I walked by and yell at me. There was all types of drama and I was basically famous for not talking much. It got so bad with a group of girls that I almost had to leave the school.

I was once talking to a friend about it and she said "It's because their angry that your stuck up and don't talk to anyone." and I told her "I do talk I have 3 friends I talk to." and she said "but that's all you talk to. You seem like you'd be talking to everyone!" So I'd try to talk to a new person everyday and it still wasn't good enough. I'd check back in with the friend and she would angrily say "Your supposed to be talking to everyone! You only talk to half the group or part of the group!" and the killer was she was quiet too! Whenever I explain to people I literally don't know how to socialize, instead of emphasizing they get angry and tell me to figure it out. There were plenty of quiet people in my grade who everyone left alone and felt sympathy for.

I've also had strangers (who I don't even know) run up to my friends randomly and say "you talk to her? She's stuck up!"

The killer is while all of this is happening, NOBODY HAS EVER TRIED TO TALK TO ME FIRST- which is how my SA developed in the first place.

Why are attractive people held to such unrealistic expectations?
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 08:59 PM
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How many times are you going to make this thread?

https://www.socialanxietysupport.com...post1093797289

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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:01 PM
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Sounds like typical highschool ****tiness. People do get jealous of attractive people, but there are also a lot of upsides (like your making money just on your looks).
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:05 PM
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I'm stumpy and fat and old and ugly with SA and people think I'm stuck up...

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:21 PM
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Strangers have usually ignored me here the only exceptions were when I had dyed hair and some people commented on that positively, when people are trying to sell things, homeless people asking for money, drunk people ranting about something, when people ask questions about a band t-shirt/hoody I'm wearing, and one very weird night where I think I was wearing a tank top and cap and two separate people asked me for a cigarette one in London and then one when I got back off the train that guy also yelled after me after I answered but I was almost back then and just decided to ignore him. And then in one train station (same night,) a bunch of teenagers tried to make me jump I think (I'm not 100% sure what they were trying to accomplish because I passed them pretty quickly.)

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:23 PM
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But you know they're wrong, you know you talk to people and aren't stuck up so their words shouldn't hurt you. Don't look at yourself through their eyes, see yourself with your own. Wrong assertions of you shouldn't make you feel bad because you know they're false. Next time someone says something false about you and you know they're wrong, brush it off. Surely they're not talking about you because you know that isn't you so don't let it upset you. Would you feel bad if people laughed at you for thinking 2+2 equals 4 while they all say it's 5? No, try to view false information about yourself in a similar manner.

Don't give them the negative reaction they crave, sounds like some women are jealous of your God given beauty and want to make you feel bad to boost their ego. Don't give them that satisfaction. Here's how you should think about that scenario again...

"but that's all you talk to. You seem like you'd be talking to everyone!"

I may "seem" that way but I'm not. I talk when and with who I want, I don't have to talk to everyone just because you believe I look like I should.

Here's another one

"Your supposed to be talking to everyone! You only talk to half the group or part of the group!"

Supposed to? Says who?

See how dumb their arguments are when you really think about them? Your life is yours not theirs. Don't let them tell you how to live your life, if their advice doesn't sit right with you you shouldn't feel obligated to follow it. Nobody has more authority over you but you and God.

“Let the wise hear and increase their learning, and let those of good comprehension seek guidance." - Proverbs 1:5
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:27 PM
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It's something called "gatekeeping".
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamanthaStrange View Post
How many times are you going to make this thread?

https://www.socialanxietysupport.com...post1093797289
Probably a bunch more times lol. I don't think they're going to respond to anyone either.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:40 PM
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People's motivations can probably be boiled down to three different reasons:

1) You make other people jealous. They want to seem better than you because being around them makes them feel inadequate about themselves.
2) People assume that because you're attractive, everything is easier for you. They're not entirely wrong. People, in general, are going to be nicer to you and give you an advantage over your peers. People that are attracted to you will try to talk to you simply because you're attractive.
3) You may actually might be coming off as abrasive. It could be just that by being stand-offish other people find that intimidating and may falsely conclude you're acting better than them.

For the first two, you just need to find better people to hang around. You work in an industry filled with vanity so that's the kind of people it attracts. For the last you can always work on being more approachable. I struggle with that myself, too.
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 09:51 PM
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Probably because people simply think since you're attractive that must mean you think you're superior or better than them (which is not necessarily true of course) but people are idiots. We like to nitpick and find any reason to hate on others without even knowing them.
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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-06-2020, 10:22 PM
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Because pretty people are "perfect"

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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 05:00 PM
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I don't know why these particular people are ''pissed off'' and I won't answer the specific question you asked. But why they think you have it better I know. But you'd only have a chance to know if you weren't attractive as you describe yourself. You'd find out because you'd be picked on for your looks, especially as a girl. I was bullied at school and university by boys and one of the things they insulted me with was ''ugly''. They were picking on me in general because I wasn't anything like the girls around them and was super closed off etc. I'm sure if I was so beautiful and even worked as a model so it wouldn't be just being born this way (although I've never seen or encountered a girl like this), there wouldn't be any of this bullying at school.

Not even talking about relationships. If I was a model who's so attractive everyone constantly brings that up, I would know for sure men asking me out really like me cause, let's be honest, 99% of them have the same taste when it comes to attractiveness in women and women in modeling and women who's attractiveness is constantly brought up are considered the most attractive women. When these men date someone else, they make compromises with themselves or/and they want to get only one thing from your relationship with them which is ''support'', not being alone etc, but not the components that make a relationship different from close friendship. They would seek them elsewhere, with the women they really want. It's really hypocritical and it's very hurtful... More so when they promise you a lot, lie that you're so valuable to them but still pick those women over you.

And yeah, lookism is a thing... People prescribe the best qualities to beautiful people, people are nicer to them and everything Sekiro said, they earn more money, more likely to get a higher career position etc.

I know you also have problems, but you can't see what it would be like if you weren't attractive so you think it's the same or even worse. You may have people jealous of you or unwanted admirers, but the positive obviously overwhelms the negative and the negative is only the consequence of such an enormous positive thing you have which gives you advantage over most of people, especially women. Even in a situation with jealousy etc people are going to defend you a lot and root for you for the same simple reason.

Sorry not sorry
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 05:17 PM
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From my perspective I can say that SA is probably the key what makes other people piss off about someone...
I'm not attractive or good looking and never was. But I had quite similar experience in hs. I was just an object to lough on and probably I can count it as the biggest compliment I had was retorical question "is there anything good about you?"... I heard it from one girl when she asked me if I could borrow her a phone charger, but I didn't had it (well I wouldn't do it anyway, I don't borrow things for strangers)...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 05:38 PM
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I can only speak for myself but attractive people don't piss me off. I'm happy for them. It's just the luck of the draw. It might be one less thing you have to worry about (or it could be a burden in some ways and certainly is for some) but they didn't do anything to me. They were just born that way. Being attractive (and especially being very attractive) can sometimes be a big problem.

You can still have any other psychological issues that anyone else can have and I guess it's probably especially frustrating when someone is really attractive and has something like SA. Because people don't understand it. People think that SA has to come from a rational place and it often doesn't. Sometimes it does to some extent but there's still a lot of SA that is not caused by circumstances and/or experience. I think I'd be very uncomfortable being the center of attention all the time and would never get used to it.

/WYSD
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 06:08 PM
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Well they need something to be pissed off about, modern life is about being pissed off & in a hurry.






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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by blue2 View Post
Well they need something to be pissed off about, modern life is about being pissed off & in a hurry.
I think being pissed off went by the wayside at some point and now most people are just in a hurry and not really sure if they feel anything while they're doing that.

/WYSD
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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Probably a bunch more times lol. I don't think they're going to respond to anyone either.
Probably not. They've made 3 threads, and never came back to any of them.

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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 06:13 PM
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every "good" girl i came across is jealous of pretty girls, they even hate guys who love attractive girls.

and if they were asked to point out like what girls they think is attractive, they would pick a very plain/normal looking girrl, and totally deliberately ignore the type of beauty they feel inferior to
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by love is like a dream View Post
every "good" girl i came across is jealous of pretty girls, they even hate guys who love attractive girls.

and if they were asked to point out like what girls they think is attractive, they would pick a very plain/normal looking girrl, and totally deliberately ignore the type of beauty they feel inferior to
I don't hate them as long as they
1) don't date me instead
2) don't bully me for not fitting their standards, don't bring that up constantly, especially when we need to interact in a professional environment etc

And the first one is worse than the second one because it's betrayal and deceit while you don't expect a lot from people that are not in any relationship with you other than passing by or being in the same enclosed space despite it also affecting you and your life a lot.

And it's natural to feel jealous when someone has so much advantage over you on so many levels (and in situations like mine when even someone you're with likes them better). I don't think the looks thing is even fair or good for humanity either since there are as many women as there are men and fewer fit the standards of conventional ''model'' attractiveness while when you look at nature it's usually harmonious and most animals live similar lives and get same amounts of everything.

Sorry not sorry
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-07-2020, 07:27 PM
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^ Not really lots of birds have higher standards, and there are billions of Humans. But we're kind of fixing that now because population density being high among other things discourages relationships.

edit: @SorryForMyEnglish

If your boyfriend is annoying you, you should try eating his head. Or maybe the rest of him, I'm not sure why but I thought some spiders might just consume the head but maybe it's more.

Quote:
For male widow spiders, mating is an infamously dangerous activity. In these species, which include the black widow and redback, the large females will often devour the smaller males during sex—hence the “widow” in their names. In some cases, the female catches the male while he’s trying to escape. But often, the male seems to welcome his fate, actively somersaulting onto his partner’s fangs.
I didn't realise that last part before looking for a reference just now. That's cute if true.

I'm not really into cannibalism, I used to talk to a guy who was*. I mostly just like masochists.

*well I guess two one liked the idea of eating people though and the other being eaten among other things.

I started eating these Cadbury buttons that are next to me again. I should probably move them.

Also this happened before I watched this scene which was pretty funny:



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Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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