which hollywood star would you like to save us from asteroid death
generic american astronauts with boring hobbies like cycling and reading dont inspire much confidence - as with politics, we need a certain amount of PR, spin , and cosmetic surgery to make us believe in our worldsaving heroes. who would you like to save us from that asteroid from that other thread?
resume - will has already been to space and saved the world in independence day, so you know he has a proven track record. im not sure what he did in men in black because it was an abomination but that may also be relevant. but be cautioned that a vote for will may just be a vote for racial tolerance and harmony, rather than a vote for his actual abilities
2. bruce willis.
character class: balding simian armpit beast
resume - bruce is a strong christian name, and this fella has been to space in fifth element, demonstrating competence with a multipass. he also has direct experience of saving us from asteroids in that one with that asteroid, but his pal who helped him, michael clarke duncan, is sadly now dead. plus bruce is kinda bald and he had a crappy singing career
3. tom cruise.
character class: thetan avatar
resume - tom is down with the aliens so he may perform surprisingly well in space, despite being quite old and small. did you know, that tom cruise, now, is older, than the guy who played mr miyagi was, when he played mr miyagi? and they say that asians dont age
4. jason statham.
character class: cockneous wankerous
resume - all his films are sh1t and he suffered domestic violence at the hands of kelly brook. i'm deeply confused about all this
5. jackie chan.
character class: - asian master-race
resume - extremely rich, bad actor, likely to be able to destroy the asteroid with any number of objects that happen to be lying around, albeit with extremely poor production values, continuity, and dubbing
6. ahnuld schwarzenneger.
character class: austrian steroid receptacle
resume - his manboobs have long since gone south, and when he went to mars his face exploded, see above. he is however very rich and has experienced success in hollywood, bodybuilding, politics, and also was a home fitness entrepeneur before any of that crap, i think. as hard as it is to admit, i think he might just find a way
7. tom hardy.
character class: camp, pasty bellend
resume - guy is such a tard
8. jeff goldblum
character class: alpha jew
resume - our only hebrew hero, jeff has displayed scientific know-how in "the fly", math skills as a chaos theorist in "jurassic park", and he also amply demonstrated that he was a windows 3.1 boffin back in 96, alongside will smith in independence day. however i have a sneaking suspicion that he'd get a gigantic insurance payout if the meteor destroyed the world, kinda like those 9/11 conspiracies we all believe
so who do you want to save the world? or would you rather pick someone on the basis that theyd screw it up and get us all killed?
a big poll will appear shortly, whether you are in the mood or not
*jason and morgan are taking care of some last minute technical matters on the launch gantry for the spacerocket. in the background, vin diesel, dolph lundgren and carl weathers engage in b-list cameraderie, while jessica chastain looks wistful but bends over a lpt in her uniquely fitted spacesuit. jason stands tall as if to make his goodbyes - morgan gently takes hold of his arm*
|morgan| look, son. we both know you might not be coming back from this mission, but you're a grown man now, and i want to look you in the eye one last time and know that we both accept this, ok? no regrets, none for either of us.
|jason| (cockily) ha no wurries m8. thade only screw it awl ap wivout me na mean?
|morgan| *sigh* all right, son, all right. its just the way it has to be. but now, one last thing. i always kinda hoped you'd figure this out by yourself...but i need you to know...i'm not your biological father.
|jason| *affronted* U WOT. U AVIN A GIGEL M8
|morgan| ...i know this is rough, son. but think about it. i mean...*smiling warmly*...im black!
|jason| *still shocked, hurt, angry* ...but we like awla same fings. like tea...an films...an wimen n awl athat
|morgan| *becoming colder* i know you remember you didnt even live with me til you were FIFF TEEN, son.
|jason| *pretending he gets it* yeah, 'coarse. right. best be off a fink. olwite da- ...i mean morgan. woteva
*walks off shaking head, with london accent*
|morgan| *looks at jessicas butt straining against her shiny rubber spacesuit. gets caught doing it*
Astronauts stand above most humans, literally as well as metaphorically.
than the list goes waaaay down south, like so deep that you can't even imagine it...
7000.000.001. all the other humans.
Yeah that's right, astronauts take all the other 7 billion places as well and all the other homo sapiens just share the 7.000.000.001st place.
That's how much I despise humans with their annoying luxury problems (I didn't have sex for almost a whole month, buh huh) and arrogance.
Screw most of them.
Cant they all work together to stop the asteriod? "Hollywood against Asteroids".
I'd like to see the hollywood scientology club try to stop an asteroid. John travolta as the leader ofc. Put their science knowledge to the test. Or whatever it is they teach in that illuminati cult...idk...
i want them to all work together like in a game of blitzball and bounce a laser or something off nicki minaj's butt to destroy the asteroid
nobody exists on purpose. nobody belongs anywhere. everybody's gonna die ~~
If you like pina coladas and gettin caught in the rain, follow me on Twitter @audreytheworst . I never talk about pina coladas or rain. But surely you like other stuff. If you don't, get some other interests already, geez.