What was your favourite age? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 07:47 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
You sound like a good parent, I can see why your son turned out well.

Before I went to secondary school (aged 11,) I remember asking my mum to let me go to a different secondary school to avoid my abuser but she didn't listen. I think she wanted me to go to that school so then there would be more chance that my brother would get in later, because they had decent support for dyslexia and such or something (my brother was diagnosed with dyslexia.) A few times other students tried to help out though because they noticed what she was doing, also at a younger age I vaguely remember a childminder who took me and my brother to school for a bit intervening but nothing seemed to come of that, and later on I sort of downplayed stuff because I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself or seem weak (and some people did notice, and implied I was weak.) I wasn't really strong enough to get away from her properly, I did yell at her a few times. Honestly school was a lot more like a prison sentence.

My mum once called her on her mobile phone asking her to call her back very angrily after hearing from my brother about something she did or said to me (I can't even remember what it was now.) She gave me a lot of **** for that afterwards and just what a dumb thing to do like don't talk to the school, don't talk to her mum just call her angrily on her phone. I mean I love my parents because they're my parents so it's hard because I know they always meant well, it's just they ****ed up a lot in parenting.


I wouldn't relive it, because I swear if I could go back with the way I feel now I would shoot up the school. I wasn't as angry then because I was in survival mode, but now that's what I'd do. And if I failed to get a gun (likely living in the UK and all,) I'd build an explosive device, stab people. Something.
Yeah, I can understand why you'd want to do that - I would be the same. I have a terrible temper - and I sometimes wonder how I would've responded if people had seriously bullied me at school or anywhere else. I think I would have hurt someone very seriously tbh. Even if it was just the main person - to set an example. I don't think I'd care about the consequences - I just sort of see red and everything else fades away.

One time the principal had my boy sitting on the floor in his office because he'd supposedly done something wrong. And they called me in to talk about it. I had to really control myself not to tell this piece of **** teacher it was a very bad idea to let my son sit on the floor. It makes me angry thinking about it now.

Parenting is ****ing hard - I don't care what anyone says. And no-one else can tell you what to do - because it's too complicated. But I would not have let you stay near the little **** that was doing that to you. It would have been much better to get you right away from her - obviously. I won't say anything against your Mum - because she's your Mum, but I don't think she handled that well at all.
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post #42 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 08:03 AM
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Age 14 (2007 ish) . Halo 3 just came out and I was addicted to World of Warcraft (the burning crusade). I spent days playing , and remember thinking how amazing it was that humanity could create such games. Although people found out I played and was bullied at school for being a hardcore gamer.
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post #43 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 08:27 AM
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I think even in my 40's I sort of sensed that that wasn't going anywhere. After I finished my degree I got a job with Australian Customs because I could speak a fair bit of Indonesian but I couldn't handle it at all. I was still taking quite a high dose of Xanax just to get there, get through the training etc.

I joke that I must have been the worst Custom's Officer they ever had but I'm not really joking. I was hopeless at it. I don't think I'm too good with jobs where you have to do something very serious like that - like finding drugs. It was a shame though because I met some nice people there.

I think I just look back at that time very fondly because of my family life mainly - it was nice to be living with my wife and son - and also because you're not yet considered "old" and you don't look it yet. So part of it is vanity.

Of course in reality things were actually hard back then - it's very different looking back on something to how it was when we actually went through it at the time.
I never took medication for my SAD while I was still working regular jobs. It was only after I started freelancing that I got on paroxetine. I have a prescription for Xanax, but I don't think I could function if I tried to work while on it. I'm kind of sensitive to medications. My blood oxygen levels are low, which might explain it. I'm always a bit out of it.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #44 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 08:29 AM
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16

always
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post #45 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 09:21 AM
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Probably 31. Nice mix of youth and experience.
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post #46 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 09:21 AM
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19 before the **** started. I could just do whatever I wanted, no regrets, no remorse.
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post #47 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 10:14 AM
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So far no age. Hopefully soon I live within my own limits and not anxietyís limits.

Live life no matter what.. never quit you deserve better.
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post #48 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 01:12 PM
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I didn't do any of conventional things that people associate with those ages at any age I can remember so I can't name any age. Although I see I can relate to some of the people on this site. For example, the gamer guy who said his best age was when he was playing a game he liked. I mean hello, fellow schizoid and former neglected child who was experiencing his best emotions though virtual made up reality. Well, at least that's what it sounds like, judging by this one post because I don't remeber reading any other posts of this user.

I hope the best or at least a decent age is yet to come.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #49 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 05:25 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Maslow View Post
I never took medication for my SAD while I was still working regular jobs. It was only after I started freelancing that I got on paroxetine. I have a prescription for Xanax, but I don't think I could function if I tried to work while on it. I'm kind of sensitive to medications. My blood oxygen levels are low, which might explain it. I'm always a bit out of it.
So are you still taking the paroxetine? I have a box of that in my bathroom - plus Cipramil. Neither of them seem to work for me now - they just make me feel weird. I get a bit of Valium from a GP that has a good writing hand every six months or so just to tide me over. A little bit of that every now and then helps sometimes.

Xanax is pretty weird - short-acting and very addictive. I used to take it all the time - and spent years getting off it in rehabs later. It really can cause a lot of problems if you take it like that - memory loss (anterograde amnesia - you don't recall things you've done immediately after taking the medication), tolerance issues, fatigue, rage (that could have maybe just been me though - hard to tell.) At first it's great though - you feel like all your problems are gone.
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post #50 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-13-2019, 05:39 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by BeautyandRage View Post
I guess Iíll go into detail as to why 16 like others have. So overall my entire 16th year was pretty ****ty, but sometimes it was really great. Iím sure Iíd prefer some other time in my life too when my grandma was alive because she basically raised me, but I really liked 16. So on my 16th birthday I got the **** beat out of me by my moms ex husband so it definitely was a hard start. By New Years she finally left him after 10 years of abuse, so I was very happy. I was falling behind in school, but eventually my grandpa let me move in after we reconnected. I helped out a lot in the food pantry as a volunteer worker, the jobs I did was actually more of what shouldíve been a paid job because I wasnít just handing out food, we would get up at 4am drive two towns over and pick up food and load up a big truck Iím not sure what you call them but they have that big door on the back (I think itís a loading truck?). So it was a lot of loading. But Iím glad I did it as volunteering, I felt so happy doing it. I remember giving a little kid a cake because her birthday was coming up and it reminded me of a time as a kid we went to the food pantry because we were broke and someone gave me cupcakes and I was so happy, ever since then Iíve really loved cupcakes. lol. My mom kinda ditched me that year for her new bf but I went on a road trip around May to end of July or August. I honestly was depressed the whole time but looking back on it now i wish I could do it again. I went on a 4 day ferry and had some weird adventures with a guy who worked on the ferry. Explored California and I really loved it there, went to sandy beaches and Iíd chase the waves and then run away so I didnít get wet. Made some good friends at the time, fell in love, all sorts of things. Got back on track with school by going to a school that helps you get credits, I got a job, finished 2 1/2 years of schooling into less than one school year. Fell in ďloveĒ again, would sneak out, drank a lot, had my first experience with weed through an edible that my mom gave me lol. I clearly remember sitting on the school bus thinking to myself I honestly felt happy, I remember telling my then boyfriend now husband that I didnít feel depressed anymore. My 17th birthday was a lot different than my 16th birthday. But now Iím depressed again lol.
That's a great story - (except for the bit where you get beaten up of course). It's great you've got those memories to look back on.

So you married the guy that was your boyfriend back then? Tbh I'm always slightly impressed when I hear things like that - and surprised. I can't really relate to what that would be like - I didn't get married until I was 30. I'm actually really glad I didn't get married to a couple of those earlier ones - don't think it would have lasted long, let's put it that way.
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post #51 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 05:16 PM
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Looking back to when I was a young girl and at times wishing I could go back to that life at age 10 . My Mom wasn't sick she worked as an LPN . I always enjoyed being with my Mom anytime she was off from work which wasn't that often but when she was that was our time. Now I'm 49 and My Mom is almost 69 in the Nursing Home. My heart was broken that I couldn't take care of her . I go and visit Mom we have good laughs and when I leave to go home there is a part of me that wants to bring my Mom with me . I would say my favorite age was when I was 10 years old

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post #52 of 52 (permalink) Old 06-15-2019, 05:48 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Kimmie2170 View Post
Looking back to when I was a young girl and at times wishing I could go back to that life at age 10 . My Mom wasn't sick she worked as an LPN . I always enjoyed being with my Mom anytime she was off from work which wasn't that often but when she was that was our time. Now I'm 49 and My Mom is almost 69 in the Nursing Home. My heart was broken that I couldn't take care of her . I go and visit Mom we have good laughs and when I leave to go home there is a part of me that wants to bring my Mom with me . I would say my favorite age was when I was 10 years old

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Sorry to hear about your Mum - she's only 8 years older than I am. That must have been really hard to have to put her in a nursing home - it would break your heart, especially if your close as you obviously are.

I saw that photo you posted of her - and looking at your avatar both you and your Mum have very kind faces. And you definitely don't look 49.
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