What interests you about people - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-17-2019, 09:59 PM
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I guess that a meaningful conversation is one which has an emotional kick to it.

It could be some fact or idea or belief or value that I can relate to other things that I know or believe, because I find that sort of thrilling. But my interests are narrow and arcane.

It could be something kind that they say or do for someone else or for me. I remember some kind acts that I witness for many years. Like 40 years ago, I saw a cop stop traffic to let a schoolboy cross. When the kid got to the other side, he thoughtfully turned smiled and waved a thank you at the policeman. I feel good every time I recall that scene. A thoughtful person is interesting.

I find people who are afflicted with physical or mental problems more approachable, and am interested in finding out if there is a way I can think of to show them some kindness, and perhaps bring a smile into their day.

I find people who are shy, reticent, anxious, or in some way 'needy' interesting, because it seems that they are easier to please, with my feeble efforts.

At the bottom of it, I think my social problems stem from a general distrust of people though. I don't see that as a personal failure, however, just a result of my life's experience. But what does one look for in a person, to gauge how much one should trust them? Or do you just have to step off the cliff and take a chance to determine if someone is trustworthy?
Thanks for your response. So I read in the post below mine, r you female, gay? ..just wondering. And what do you mean by 'open relationship'?
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post #22 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 12:26 AM
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By friendship I mean just friendship, not datinship. There are some major issues which I cannot stand in people and therefore I cannot be friends with them.Then a sense of humour is able to be a deal breaker as some people practises nasty humor. I cannot stand too proud and too braggable people but I do like to learn ways to think about things as long as they are fitting into my values. For example lightfull and positive people (not "religious" positive) are interesting friends because they teach a lot without actual teaching. I admit I have a lot of dealbreakers and even I tolerate a lot of things there is more which I don't tolerate. I am not flexible in different cultures and also I learnt a few things about mine. 1. Americans keep the way to talk in a shape "I" selfish and we think that is nice and americans are rude because they always tell what "you" think and "you" are and "you" should do. Also not asking too much is nosy here when americans finds it rude to not asking everything all the time. I cannot see any point to ask because then americans just lie they are fine even their head would be stated on their pit. English people then find our way to just say things without settling hundred other things front of it and hundred other things after it very rude but I am a lazy person so I don't pay all the trouble with covering the issue in other talks. Sounds small things but these affect in communication and the athmosphere of friendship.

IRL friendship I share a lot and take into family but in online I don't tell much about me and I keep a distance. And there comes a culture differences again because many people see me close and open because I seem to be without limits and bubble and blabber a lot and joke a lot too. We have no so much fakely builded limits and unwritten rules than some other countries seems to have. And I am weird
I like people with creative imagination, which makes me laugh in a good way and who are realistic but can see the bright sides of things. Of course similar interests are needed. I see a meaning of friendship is to be nice to each other and wish well to each other. Be glad and happy for succes and support in spirite when life is kicking.
And there must be a lot of to talk about, I am not "hi whats up? -fine, you? type at all.

No, I don't speak English and that is a secret of my happiness!
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post #23 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 12:40 AM
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post #24 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 01:03 AM
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I think I'm interested in the way people perceive and react to the world. I also feel like I'm always looking for something sincere in people, maybe some kind of genuine kindness, the pure part of being kind, empathy, something that the person themselves might possibly not even notice that they have. I might not be very good at explaining this but I believe I just have some sort of admiration for certain qualities that people have. Also as I said, the way they see the world, new perspectives and ideas that they can teach me. In general, when it comes to being friends, I think I'm looking for some kind of connection, something that is meaningful to both of us. Moments when you realize there are things both of you wanna talk about and you care and feel like you just get what they mean. Also trust is something that's just necessary. And of course simply spending time with other human beings is important to me as well, like supporting each other or having fun and exciting conversations, which is probably the most basic need for human interaction that most people have.

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post #25 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for your response. So I read in the post below mine, r you female, gay? ..just wondering. And what do you mean by 'open relationship'?
I'm male married to female.

An open relationship is another name for polyamory, which is a non-monogamous relationship , where the parties agree on what sexual behaviors outside of the marriage covenant are mutually agreed on to be acceptable to both parties. I think that gay guys have always made these sorts of agreements, but nowadays more and more married couples seem to be trying this new bent on old fashioned monogamous marriage. I think such agreements provide a greater variety of sexual partners, at the cost of greater depth in the primary relationship. You end up with a wider more shallow collection of relationships. Not my thing.

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post #26 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 10:47 AM
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What draws me in to engage with another person.. I guess it's the first impressions that matter most. The way a person carries themselves and the way they respond to your presence.


The pursuit of affirmation and possibility of love is a constant motivation in my estimation. An attribute that is hard-wired to each of us.

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post #27 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 02:06 PM
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You wouldn't like mine. Most of the best ones are all used up and the ones that aren't are working double time to compensate for the all used up ones. So they're spending all their free time squealing in protest at being overworked and underpaid.
I won't harvest yours then lol
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post #28 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-18-2019, 07:53 PM
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I'm male married to female.

An open relationship is another name for polyamory, which is a non-monogamous relationship , where the parties agree on what sexual behaviors outside of the marriage covenant are mutually agreed on to be acceptable to both parties. I think that gay guys have always made these sorts of agreements, but nowadays more and more married couples seem to be trying this new bent on old fashioned monogamous marriage. I think such agreements provide a greater variety of sexual partners, at the cost of greater depth in the primary relationship. You end up with a wider more shallow collection of relationships. Not my thing.
Thanks for your explanation so you're wife is a guy and gay too? Sorry I'm just confused, thanks. That's not my thing too. it also opens up to jealousy if you and your wife date other people too.
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post #29 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-23-2019, 03:43 PM
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I do consider myself a caring and decent person. I am a 'pleaser', who only wants to please absolutely everyone. It seems that I am always liking people from a distance though. I take great pleasure in watching people. Babies thrill me. Good looking men thrill me in a different way. Often I'll see little kind things I can do for people , but I do not follow through, out of fear that it might elicit a social engagement for which I am totally unprepared. And when it's a guy, I wonder if I should make an attempt at all, because I might have unsavory ulterior motives, for a man who has committed to someone. I have a wife and son too, and I know how comforting and supportive it is to have someone who loves you. Sorry to hear that your marriage failed, but with the loving support that they provide you, one can not really say that it failed. And they must be getting something out of the relationship or they wouldn't stick with you.
Thanks for saying that - and sorry for taking so long to get back to you.

I've known my wife for 30 years this year and we've been through a lot, like I guess most couples. She's put up with a lot from me - my crazy trips, other relationships etc - it's been pretty crazy. (on my part - not hers. She's a solid and dependable type of person - and I would never describe myself like that) Although with my family I will always do my best to be there for them - and they know I love them more than anything in the world. We support each other a lot and we have a pretty close bond - that will never change.

What you said about having the courage to talk to people earlier is a big thing I think. I was sitting talking to a lovely old couple on the tram the other day. The man had just fallen on top of me as the tram started and so we all got talking. It reminded me how much I like talking to people and how much I love people in general. (as long as I'm feeling okay that is - I can get strange when I don't take my medication or I'm not well - but I'm not naturally a nasty person) I'm naturally very friendly and very open - I'll basically tell people anything they want to know about me. (except maybe on this forum of course)
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post #30 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-25-2019, 01:53 AM
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post #31 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-25-2019, 12:08 PM
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I like people who are passionate about shared interests best. But I think it also works to humor people and try to at least discover some basics.
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post #32 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-26-2019, 08:24 AM
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post #33 of 33 (permalink) Old 07-26-2019, 01:43 PM
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im drawn to people who are easy to talk to, who are responsive and attentive, outgoing, courteous, and kind with the same sense of humor
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