What do you get judged for? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2021, 09:42 AM Thread Starter
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What do you get judged for?


I would say for myself being quiet.
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2021, 12:16 PM
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I have many people criticise me or draw attention to the fact I am quiet... I can relate

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2021, 03:41 PM
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I'm not sure. I still worry about being judged but in reality I seriously doubt anyone gives me enough thought for long enough to judge me about anything.

And when it comes right down to it there's only about 3 people whose opinion I actually care about - and I know they care about me, no matter what.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2021, 04:03 PM
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I pretty much don't put myself out there too much so don't get judged that much by people who don't know me. There are like 5 people on the planet who know me well enough to judge me and have me actually care what they think. It's kind of funny when people try to judge someone they don't know and they're either way off or they're judging that person in ways the person doesn't even care about because they don't even know them well enough to know what they care about.

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 04:39 AM
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What don't I get judged for?

Most people think I've made terrible life decisions. (My dad, especially.) But who can blame them? I have made terrible life decisions. My priorities seem completely at variance with reality.

I think most people think it was a mistake for me to "be trans" (as if I had a choice) or to come out.

And they judge the way I dress. But I can't afford to buy clothes so I pretty much have to dress like a bum.

They judge my house when they walk into it. My mother bought me cleaning supplies for Christmas.

Other people's opinions don't really bother me all that much, though. Unless they hate me so much they're trying to hurt me.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 05:07 AM
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I would guess, much like @truant I get judged for life choices. In lieu of experientially understanding what I go through, that's perfectly understandable to make those judgements. For someone who doesn't have my coping mechanisms, and difficult emotions and anxiety, it must seem perplexing as to why I have "chosen" this life. With all of my potential.

Its how it is with judgement though. I think we understand others behaviour by projecting our own internal states on the behaviours of others. The truth though, if you were the other person, with their brains, their childhood, their coping mechanisms, you would have done the exact same thing they did. There's no other way any of this works.

That's the rational understanding of how to not feel judged, or why not to judge others, now just to work on the hard part, not feeling judged, or to judge others .

 

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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 05:17 AM
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Probably my angry RBF. It's not totally misrepresentative, but it's not like I get a choice. I wonder if that's why people have felt justified in pushing me around without provocation, maybe they thought I was being hostile or something.
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 08:17 AM
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Mostly that I am unemployed and that I do not meet expectations of others. I was diagnosed as an Asperger and sometimes, the differences are subtle and people seem to think that I simply do not want to make efforts. Socially, I prefer staying away from most of these toxic people, which I think there are a LOT of around. I am unemployed and tried to make myself helpful around here, but then people started thinking I was an employee here or their personal volunteer. The distancing isn't bad, as I tried to keep people at a distance prior, so the new rules kinda comes in handy in a way. LOL
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 08:49 AM
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Everything, apparently. The clothes I wear. The alcohol I drink. My appreciation for books. The fact that I like to listen to music on my earbuds when going about my life and getting work done (I feel as though this is fairly common practice and I look like a normal guy, but apparently it irks some folks and is considered weird for some reason...). I may be a bit different compared to the rest of society die to my SA, but I don't exactly consider my clothes or hobbies to be strange.

A lot of people out there like to judge others. It's toxic. Because of this, I sometimes find it difficult to enjoy life when in the presence of others. Then people get offended when I value solo trips/adventures, hiking alone, and activities I can do on my own...without them. I've been told that is weird. I'm just trying to live my life.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 10:39 AM
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I don't know. No one tells me.

the truth may vary
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 11:49 AM
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I try not to be open to avoid it obviously, but here are the main things I see people judging people like me for (and sometimes me,):

employment situation

being obsessive and idiosyncratic with certain interests

being mentally ill

being quiet

just the general way I come across I guess body language etc, people have commented on that before. I think I probably have undiagnosed autism or a bunch of those traits so.

being non-binary (this comes from a wide array of people for different reasons depending on the person.)

not having medically transitioned

my sexuality (same as with the gender thing.)

certain things about my presentation or style of dress (this doesn't actually bother me though lol. When I look back at some of the comments I've gotten before it's pretty funny really. Like people accusing me of being a Satan worshipper etc.) Having body hair attracts attention for someone who looks like me but I don't go out in clothes that reveal that often (I only wear shorts occasionally in the summer so,) and the only people who have commented on it are family and one guy I used to know who noticed because he was sat on the floor and my trousers rode up at one point he acted really shocked about it. In hindsight it was a bit like an episode of the TV show Friends where half the jokes are the characters freaking out about the cast doing 'gay' or 'woman' things, but like in reverse. If you binge watch the show it gets exhausting because there are so many scenes like this. It's got to be like 20-30% of the show:



It's a bit like what the big bang theory did for geeks at one point on that show there was a 'joke' that was just some character was going to play a video game. I think that show actually officially killed laugh tracks too. I like Friends too but Parks and Rec is clearly better. Also Community > Big Bang Theory. The Guild (it's a web series) > Big Bang Theory. Silicon Valley which isn't even that funny > The Big Bang Theory.



Something I haven't really been judged for though appearance wise was having dyed hair (unnatural colours.) There was one guy who said he thought I looked better with black hair (never had black hair when he knew me it was naturally dark brown,) but he was pretty polite about the suggestion and aside from him the only people who commented thought it was cool, and I'd get compliments from complete strangers. Then I got fed up with dying it after a few years and around the time I stopped dying it it really took off as a negative stereotype and became weirdly politicised, so I can imagine people get harassed for it now in some places.

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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 12:22 PM
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Skirting too close to the stereotype of the lazy unemployed loser who lives in his parents' basement at 36 because he's too dysfunctional to make it on his own. I mean it's kind of true. But people who buy into and reinforce this stereotype always assume that I'm immensely lazy and never do anything; they never realize just how much work goes into taking care of elderly parents daily. I've been working my *** off all winter break, preparing most of the meals around here, doing most of the cleaning, laundry and other housework, running all of the errands... I haven't had an actual 'vacation' in over a decade.

An extension of this is being single at my age, especially around here where people are expected to marry young and raise large families; me being unmarried at 36 is unacceptable to many. I'm sure all of our neighbors have creative theories as to why I'm single -- and few to none would guess the truth that I just don't want to get married or have kids even if I could find someone.

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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-19-2021, 12:55 PM
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I am pretty good at avoiding people, and being irrelevant to their eye. Everyone gets judged, but I don't think I am important enough for most people to give it very much time. That is precisely what I want though, so it works out pretty well for me. I think that it helps that I actively avoid people. I mean, even online I don't have very much of a social presence outside of this site. I don't really feel judged here, not enough for people to be confrontational or mean at any rate.



I learned from a young age, it is best to avoid people. I remember how others were treated when they stuck out, and wanted to be part of social situations and how they would be treated. I remember how much they were bullied, and felt bad for them. People can be cruel to others. I always found it so strange, how much they wanted to be part of some group despite the people would often treat them horrible. I also noticed that the few that did break through and were accepted, would often treat others in less than desirable ways. I have had a lot of practice in honing my social camouflage It was mostly a matter of not being important, not disturbing the norms of the community, not sharing ideas. It has worked fairly well, I am irrelevant, thank gawd. I'm very fortunate in so much that I am incredibly introverted, and enjoy being solitary - I think to be odd and lack the creativity to be accepted would be torture for people who are extroverted.



I don't mind if people think I am quiet, in fact I find that to be a positive trait in people

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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-20-2021, 01:53 AM
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I wouldn't know people's quiet judgments that only out of politeness they'd keep to themselves. I can only imagine that they judge me for being quiet or naive. Though its better to not know of any disdain than of some at all. Ive been judged for being unemployed before and all I could think was "what does it matter to you?" I just didn't like being compared to go-getters, even if this person was concerned though went about it in an offensive way. This was years ago.
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-23-2021, 07:04 PM
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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-24-2021, 12:13 PM
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My social anxiety makes me feel like I'm being judged on everything.


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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-24-2021, 01:23 PM
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Everything. Maybe mostly because I like to be alone and look weird compared to everyone. Also that I’m a female but don’t make an effort to blend in and suck up to everyone.
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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-24-2021, 08:20 PM
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"Why are you so quiet, Reality Sucks?"

Mood killer, every single time.

Listening to music, whilst sipping a cup of tea in my cave.
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-30-2021, 09:45 PM
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I get judged because my hair is messy and I don't bother to comb it.
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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 02-01-2021, 10:55 PM
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My rbf, my hesitant movements when I'm feeling anxiety. It's something I really hate about myself and people love to point it out.
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